*TAMOXIFEN* the 5th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

in case we forget and find ourselves at 1000 - here's a fresh new thread !

I do think she should be allowed some time to just take it all in. I am really not surprised she doesn't feel up to much. I don't know if it's because she is feeling unwell or not (sis said she looked quite grey on Sunday) but I do think she needs some space atm.

When I called her on Sunday, I mentioned it briefly and then carried on as normal. I don't want her to think I don't care, but I also know if it was me, I'd hate it if people kept on about it.

Who's your mother going with on Friday purplefish? And does she/ they know what to expect? You could maybe help her with that in terms of what the possible results might be, what questions to ask in terms of future treatment. I know I found that helpful, as it made the appointments less over whelming.

I agree with Smee about the appointments, again they can be very frigtening if you don't really know what to expect.

Just wanted to add, my Breast Care Nurse was very happy to talk to members of my family, so you might try giving her a ring if you are concerned about your mum's tiredness etc.

At the moment I don't know who is going with her. My sister offered, but Mum said she would let her know. I told my sister to perhaps call on Thursday evening and offer again.

I will call Mum again this week and ask her more questions as when I call last time, there were a few people there.

Might she be relying on friends Purplefish rather than family? In a way that's a good sign if so. Hope it's the case, but all you can do really is let her know you're there for her.

No, she doesn't really 'do' friends that much

Have her GP surgery been helpful Purplefish? Sometimes at the waiting for results stage you can do with a bit of extra help sleeping and keeping the anxiety under control - I know I did. Might be worth asking them to give her a ring if they haven't been in touch with her.

I was told there is the usual fight or flight response to frightening situations, but also a freeze response (which I experienced) - it makes it very hard to function or think ahead in any way. Perhaps it is similar for your mum.

Her BCN will be also be able to arrange counselling for her if you think that could be helpful at some point.

I am very very scared.My GP has found an area of 'thickening' in my breast and has referred me to breast clinic.I really thought after nearly 4 years that I could begin to relax.I am devastated.Does anyone here know of anything other than cancer which can cause this symptom?I have made a private appt for next Wed[25th] but that seems so far away.I cant bear the idea of an endless wait,tests,results,more tests ,treatment.I dont think I can do it all again.

Ah pranma, poor, poor you. Do you mean you've been through Breast Cancer once or another form? Sounds like you have. Am no expert, but a friend went worrying about Breast thickening and her GP fobbed her off, as she said it can just be down to where you are in your cycle. She was right too, as it went. She still had checks to make sure, but she was totally clear. Could it be due to that maybe?

Pranma, so sorry you are going through this worry again. You know that they are extra vigilant with checking once you've had BC, so it could well be that your GP is just making sure things are OK.

I imagine it could be various things causing the thickening, but of course you are worried. Keeping everything crossed for you, - an old cliche, but try to take it a day at a time until next week.

Thanks very much both of you.
Smee I had bc in 2006/7-triple neg had chemo,rads after WLE.Can't be cycle related I am 66 :)
It was my GP who felt the thickening,I didnt know it was there I just mentioned a bit of an ache which I thought could be due to my having lost 2 stones at Weight Watchers.She examined me and said no lump but this area of 'thickening'.
Fingers crossed eh.

Pranma - fingers crossed indeed. I am so sorry you have to go through a whole of worrying and waiting again.

I don't know what could cause this but perhaps the weight loss might even change things a bit??

Anyway I do hope you can mange not to expect the worst as it might well turn out to be something not to be worried about - I know this is far easier said than done, and 2nd time around must be horrid. I'm thinking of you.

Fingers crossed from me too Pranma. Keep talking here if it helps. Breast changes are common as we get older too am sure, so maybe as Kurri says it's the weight loss. Lots of virtual hand holding here if you need it.

Thank you.This morning GP told dh that she was 98% sure it was ok but the 2% needed to be checked out.I feel a bit better but,oddly wish she had been 99% sure!I know you people will understand.The un-mn hugs are very welcome at the moment-thanks again.

pranma, that sounds far better. Hooray for understanding doctor who appreciates how worried you must be. Still keeping fingers crossed for you.

Pranma, I'm glad the GP has been reassuring, it sounds as if they are just being extra vigilant - probably to set your mind at rest as much as anything. Sending you lots of hugs, and hoping you are a bit less anxious now

I've had a very boring week - have got a throat infection/virus and feel a bit wiped out, so have just been pottering (something I am very good at!).

Hope everyone is OK today and post chemo yukkiness is not too bad. Love to all

Oh Pranma, heart goes out to you having all that tense waiting again. But I have to say that breasts are bound to feel different if you lose 2 stones (well done on that btw!). Do you feel anything different yourself? I am a big believer in women knowing how their own bodies feel better than most docs. And there is always a v low threshold for investigating anything remotely questionable so try not to panic, tho much easier said than done.

Purplefish, can only agree wholeheartedly with what's been said already. At the start I was petrified and just wanted to curl up and hug myself on sofa all day. Have got over that (most days!) now and this site is just so good at reminding that life can be and should be and is still good outside all the bc stuff, (tho just I read the poo story over breakfast in hotel in donegal, on own as can't extract sons from bed and left dh at home to earn the hotel bill!) So just do what you're doing, b ther for he and take talking cue from her. I am not great gardener but envy our greenfingered friends as I imagine growing stuff would b both distracting and
fulfilling as well as healthy and costs bit less than retail therapy. Maybe I will get into it when I pick up some energy.

Have my 6th and last FEC next tues (GCSE day, MAS, am sure no reminder needed!) and am really running out of steam now, so sympathies to Smee & SR. Can't wait till they finish, must say found 4th and 5th lot harder than the first 3 which were fine really. Veins collapsing nowtoo. I also self inject with Neulasta and find it ow! But I don't getthe aches that
everyone else seems to. It is good stuff, doesn't
actually make u feel better, but great for White cells.

Lastly Browzings, SR, they r brill. It is little pot of magic made by Benefit. Contains a wax and a powder both in eyebrow colour. You paint the wax on first with little angled brush so achieve desired effect of surprise, cynicism or whatever (my current look is grace Kelly) and then brush powder over top which adds more pigment and sets it. The combination of wax n powder looks quite hairy n is really natural looking. I love it, feel so Mrs Potato Head when painting them on! Had
given thought to tattooing but don't need to now.

Right, windy beach calls. This time next wk will have last chemo over..yay. (I do not use the steroids at all smee, I cannot stand the exhausted bluebottle feeling and find my other antisickness drugs work ok).

Bye for now, hope u all getting warmer last week of
summer than I am wherever u r (u won't be haggis!).

Brief and belated hello to everyone. Working 12 hours a week has floored me so have been sleeping a lot and not MN - ing.
Pranma, just wanted to say hang on in there and best of luck for next week. Will be keeping everything crossed for you and for purplefishes mum too. The waiting really is the worst bit.

Pennies - good to see you back and Cupcaked - only 1 to go !

Did say this was brief - will catch up on posts at the weekend.

It's so difficult to know whether to post this, but am going to do so in case it helps! Apologies if it makes anyone feel worse...

Just popping on to say I had my last zoladex injection today. I have less than two weeks of arimidex left and on Sept 13th I will reach five years since dx. Each step on this journey has been leading to me to this moment when I will be clear of all bc related medication. I know that bc will be a part of my life forever, but it feels pretty amazing to be coming out of the other side of five years worth of some kind of treatment or another. Mammograms will continue annually until I'm 50 (which is another 11.5 years for me) so I'll never be 100% free of it, but in a way, that's fine.

Am now heading towards puberty v.2: grumpy, spotty, unpredictable periods. Hmmm...

Wishing you all the very best. x

lalaa - always great to hear from someone further along the road, it's very encouraging that you are doing so well.

I'm sure you will feel a mixture of emotions on Sept.13th, - it is real landmark, and I hope you have a very special day. All the very best to you

lalaa, yes lovely to read your post - its very encouraging to us all!

Cupcaked- I have this morning taken the last CMF tablet of this penultimate cycle and am so gald to think only one more lot to go!! Wonderful for you to be so near the end of chemo. I have watched a u-tube video of the Brow Zings and they do sound great. I'm using very nice pencil from Boots at the mo - sort of a marker pen rather than a pencil- whcihc I like, but I am also going to porder Brow Zings from Amazon as I can't find them in a shop. Have been looking. Enjoy your eyebrows!!!

KK - sorry you've been feeling grotty and hope you feel better soon. Now I'll provide my news in the hope it will be cheering (if not into gardening or beautiful rooms you can stop here)

Pranma - relived for you.

Everyone else - hope you're managing to enjoy the school hols- I am waiting for GCS results day too! DS returns from South Africa tomorrow. One friend and one SIL with daughters got wonderful A2s and have got their places at Cambridge and UCL confirmed which was great news.

But first DH and I have just had 2 wonderful days in the Lakes. I've wanted to go to Miller Howe for about 25 years and we finally got there. It was just a matter of waiting for child-free week-end for 21 years you see. The hotel and dinner and breakfast were all superb. The view from the bedroom over lake Windermere was beautiful and the dinner was inspiring. I think it was good value actually at £99 per head for such an amazing meal, if you need a treat and can't go on a holiday.

We visited the Quaker tapestry in Kendal which is also inspiring (even tho I'm not into needle-work), and had a tour of Lake Coniston on Gondola, did a 3 mile walk then later a 1 mile walk to Aira Force (I am very pleased about my walking and think red blood count must be improving) and most lovely of all we went to Blackwell House which is an Arts and Crafts house near Windermere. I'd been before when it was first restored in 2001 but found it even more lovely this time. Very peaceful to go with only DH and not teenagers/small ones, much as I love them. Do go if you can - its just so beautiful. There is a particular room which I am going to use for my inner retreat when I need it.

Imagine this - Its a white drawing room with views from 2 sides onto the lake, and small mirrors scatter the wonderful light around the room. The guide describes it as a very feminine room and I find it very beautiful and relaxing. Almost all white except the turquise tiles around the hearth - the ireplace is in a small sort of inglenook corner of the room- and some stained glass. Lovely ceiling plaster work of rowan berries and leaves.

Hope evryone is OK today. We packed a lot into 2 days in the Lakes so I'm taking things slowly today.

O forgot about the gardening - the raised bed has been installed - about 2 feet high and 8x4 feet - hooray. Looks much neater at the end of the garden now and I can start filling the area of the bed and around it with plants

Purplefish, really hope your mum gets some clarity today. Am sure that'll help, even though it's bound to be a tough day.

Lalaa, wow. How brilliant. Must feel weird too, but 5 years is astoundingly good to get to. Not sure why you're worried it'll upset us, as it makes my heart soar, really it does. I know we're never clear of all this, but each little germ of news of someone making it further than me really does give me so much hope. Are you going to celebrate in September, or does that not feel right?

Cupcaked, I think you're a bit of a hero getting to last FEC. I only had three and am glad to move onto other, as if nothing else at least it's different. I hear you all to well on the steroids, but have to take them for this one, as Onc said they won't give you the chemo unless you do. Love your description of exhausted bluebottle. Perfect summary of me buzzing round, trying not to get swatted. Really big HOORAY for getting closer to the end - I'd guess though Tuesday's a huge day to reach, you're thinking more in terms of when fug wears off as the point to party?! Are you onto Rads too?

SR, Lakes sound utterly perfect. That room too. I haven't been that way since I was a teen, so maybe I'll ferret it all away and insist we head there sometime soon. Great you've got the last lot in sight. Sounds like September is going to be a milestone month for lots of us.

Kurri, hope your throat's better today. Pottering sounds good.

Waving to Pennies and Haggis.

Better get on - got my parents down to look after DS and am supposed to be working. Still wiped out and my mouth has lost any sense of normality. Everything tastes foul, even water. More than annoying as mum came armed with all sorts of goodies for me. Ah well. Repeat after me: 'It's a small price to pay...'

CC - well done on nearing the end of your chemo, and your break in Donegal sounds lovely. (I enjoy going off on my own sometimes - gives you space to think)

SR - Lakes also sounds beautiful, you managed to pack a lot in, and well done on the walking. The room sounds beautiful, very peaceful.

of your raised bed, you will have fun planting it up, and they are so much easier to keep tidy. Will be good to have you DS home again soon, - good luck to him for his results, (and to Your DC CC of course).

Wave to Haggis, work will take it out of you a bit, so you are wise to take it as easy as you can at home. But am sure you will gradually build up to strength again

Smee - sympathies with the foul taste it is one of the most annoying things. (When I had it my (Romanian) oncologist told me to eat lots of Rolos when I looked surprised, he said 'oh no I mean the mints....polos')

Thinking of you today Purplefish, hope your mum gets some answers. Thinking of you too Pranma.

I'm still feeling very rough. Coughing so much I can't keep much down. Will go to the doc's tomorrow if no improvement.

On the good news front, - I had my Mammogram results today, and they are normal, - so feeling relieved. Still holding hands if you are still waiting Haggis

Thanks for the thoughts. Just spoken to mum and she has to have surgery in early Sept and chemo after that She is being incredibly ok about it (though i think she is more concerned about losing her hair than she is letting on!)

I said I was sad for her and obviously concerned, but that I wasn't going to keep on about it and would let her call me if she was feeling down etc.

She has said the people at the hospital have been amazing and she has come away feeling more positive than she thoyght she would.

So we had a little talk about it today and what she was facing and then we talked about purple wigs and pirate hats (that is what she says she will have!) and then went on to talk about the children etc.

I am worried about her, obviously, but I'm kinda taking my cue from her as i feel that she is less likely to tell us things or say when she is low, if she thinks it upsets us.

Purplefish, I'm pleased that your mum has got today out of the way, and she is finding the hospital supportive. I'm sorry she has a lot of treatment to get through, it is a shock to find to find out you need chemo, - it somehow seems so scary. But a fairly high percentage of women DX with BC have chemo, (me included) and it is doable.

You have to take it as it comes, and deal with on a day to day basis. You get good days and less good days, but once she gets the first one under her belt she will have some idea of how it is going to affect her.

Once she has her surgery and starts on her treatment programme, she may well feel a bit easier, she will know where she is going as it were.

I think you are doing very well as it is obviously hard for you too. I'm sure she welcomes the chance to just chat about everyday things, not illness all the time. But she also knows you are there for her if she needs to talk.

Between us on here we have a wide range of experience, so please just ask if there is any particular aspect of treatment/ side effects etc. you think we can help with.