Is cocaine use in student halls a red line for reporting?

[Pufina]

My DD18 has moved to her university city last weekend and is living with 5 other flatmates.
She gets on with her flatmates (3 girls, 3 boys), but 1 of the girls and 1 of the boys uses cocaine. As it is freshers week, they’ve gone out every night, and cocaine has been used every night.
Yesterday there was a flatparty in the flat above my DDs flat, and the cocaine using girl took a random male student into her (and DDs ) kitchen and sniffed 4 lines of cocaine on the kitchen table.

Now for me that is very extreme as cocaine is not ever part of my life. I have not so much issue with smoking a spliff during student years, and know plenty of people who have used XTC when going out in the past.
But cocaine use in my DDs own kitchen is very extreme in my book.
My DD gets on with her flatmates, hates the drugs, but they have a nice time outside of this cocaine business.

She called me to discuss it, and I said she needs to report it as it is dangerous. Cocaine traces can be left on kitchen utensils, chopping boards, food.
But also, surely if this is happening on day 6, what will happen in the next 10 months?
This girl can bring in random strangers to sniff cocaine and the flat might become unsafe for the others.

My dd agrees with me, but also is concerned what would happen when they realise my DD has reported this. However, you can report anonimously so at least that helps a bit.

I would like to know if using cocaine in your kitchen is seen by others as a complete red line, or if this is what happens in student accommodation?

In DS’ first year it was Ket but not all of the flat. The flat above there’s was the Coke flat and the one above that was the MDMA flat. I think I would go down the live and let live route.

There is so much more Coke now than there was even 10 years ago and reporting seems an excellent way of becoming isolated.

If she really is worried about food prep she can always wipe down the surfaces before she starts but she probably keeps her chopping board and utensils in a cupboard anyway?

Trace elements don’t matter and there is so much coke around it won’t attract the wrong element. Your dd sounds sensible - so do you for canvassing opinions but it really is common and your dd has already identified that the girl is vulnerable. So many freshers are and the impact of poor choices around studying, sex, drink and drugs are a common theme. The poor girl doubtless feels edgy and fun and actually it’s a disaster but hopefully she wises up, runs out of cash and makes a better job of it all. As for your daughter she has friends and next year she chooses who she lives with. Sorry I sounded sarky at your feedback to her. It was the innocence of ‘I said she needs to report it’ at a time when that could well end up with her needing to move and then being miserable and still being with Coke takers and worse!

I agree that some drugs seem much worse than others - ie an edible is nothing compared to cocaine.

However, I’d echo as others have said, if it can possibly be traced back to her as “grassing” her life will be ruined. Rumours will spread and it’ll become a complete nightmare for her.

Can she have a word with them and say she isn’t bothered about the use but can they use it in their own rooms and not around her stuff? If she comes across as too uptight then I think they’ll also likely turn on her in some way!

I agree it’s really tough but also soooo tricky.

Perhaps if she’s really struggling she could see if she could anonymously report it to a halls supervisor person (perhaps by making a dummy email) and ask them to come and do a “surprise inspection”? She could word it as if she was a visitor for a party who was concerned to push even more suspicion away from her!

Speak to the rest of the flat. Have a flat meeting and explain that they all feel that coke should be done in private rooms not communal areas?
DS had similar with flatmates smoking weed in the kitchen, so they asked that it was done in their own space.

I think coke and pills are so much more common now. Personally, I think you're over reacting, and if your daughter ended up moving into another flat, it's likely someone there will be taking something too (though perhaps not on the kitchen table!).

I'd focus less on the drugs and more on the behaviour. Is this other girl nice and does your daughter get on with her? Are they putting your daughter under any pressure to join them? Is your daughter confident enough to say no if she doesn't want to? Is this girl bringing dodgy people back to the flat, or is it standard bringing back random fellow students/ONSs - just as drunk students have done for decades! It's Freshers Week - at this point almost everyone is a "random stranger', as you put it!

And again, because it's Freshers Week, everyone is probably going quite hard, and things may calm down a bit as term progresses.

I think worrying about traces is crazy- doesn't every banknote and toilet back in clubs test positive for cocaine when swabbed?

I'm sorry it's making her uncomfortable- it would me too- but I think she's better off ignoring it. Obviously if it leads to bad things/ property damage or something later then that should be reported.

Makes it easy for the dealers to know what they are delivering and to where.

What a change from the 70s. A dozen of you sitting in a circle hoping you might get one toke on a joint as it went around the room.

I do agree about trace elements in toilets and bank notes. If she’s that concerned about traces does she already was her hands after handling cash?

She needs a flat meeting as per PP - if people want to do whatever, don’t do it in communal areas.
FWIW I had a similar flat meeting in 2002 after walking in on flatmate watching porn, smoking weed and ‘relieving’ himself at the kitchen table…

Beyond gross

Sadly I think others are correct that this is a widespread issue at Uni. In my (fairly recent) experience, lots of people already dabbled with drugs whilst in college/sixth form so it’s possible she’s tried Cocaine many times before. There are also people who are having their first exposure to drugs and have no parents keeping an eye on them so they take anything and everything. All very common sadly.

I think the point is that whilst this isn’t okay and it’s shouldn’t be commonplace or normalised, it’s so rife that it’s hard to say that your DD wouldn’t have flatmates who take drugs if she requested to move. I do think the best thing she can do it try to keep herself safe and away from it all. Hopefully she will find her own people and make real friends outside of the people she’s been put with in her flat. Maybe next year she can try to house share with uni friends but for now she probably needs to request a move (and hope for the best) or keep to herself in the flat and ignore the drug taking.

I think reporting them is a bad idea. If she feels comfortable I'd advise her to talk to the girl directly.
I would not worry about cocaine contaminating things in the kitchen.

I would be more worried about her nasal drippings getting on the kitchen table when she ends up like Daniella Westbrook

My dd was in a large 12 share uni halls flat yr1. Some took drugs on kitchen table (I think it was ketamine but not sure) there was an ice cream drug dealer van. Some flatmates were from a well known boarding school and had lots of money. Her bag did flag at airport presumably for trace as she’d put it on kitchen table in uni flat. She didn’t take her uni bag on a plane after that!

Someone was telling me about this once. They had a whole set of non druggy bum bags and handbags that were kept clean that they used on holiday.

So you want her to have to move yet again and be even more isolated?

I wouldn’t be happy about it either and I’d tell her she should report it to someone. I would however also suggest she waits until there has been more than one witness (not only her) so that she is not going to be singled out for reporting it. She could also say she is nervous about being singled out - the girl is likely doing coke at clubs etc aswell so maybe the reporting could be vague and not accusatory towards the source.

I feel sorry for your DD but also for the girl using. What an idiot!

I clean student houses and I can say it’s rife. Nothing is going to stop it unfortunately. If they get kicked out another user will move in.
After the first year like minded students tend to group up and move into houses together.
All she can do for the time being is be vigilant and clean the surfaces she’s using and keep her plates and cutlery in her room.
I think it’s a dirty habit but it won’t stop, in fact she will likely see it in her future jobs, especially in a creative field.

I would hate this if my yr 2 daughter had dealt with something similar. I’d personally report it.

It’s endemic. My dd is also at uni and encountered people using in her first week. She was very shocked tbh. In your case op I think the best route is for her to lay down some flat rules. And also stress to her that if at any point she is concerned her flatmate is unwell due to drugs she should call an ambulance and be absolutely honest with them.

I used to work for a uni many years ago now we had reports of this and the police put up cameras in the shared areas to catch the lads involved as they were also supplying and lots of people coming and going
they were arrested and served time

I’d be absolutely reporting this and @Pufina how lovely your daughter was able to discuss this with you x

I’d be concerned about this ultimately. Whether the problems created for her by reporting a this would be greater than the problems created by living and letting live. I suspect they would be.

This is exactly what happened with my DC1. The Ket users found other Jet users and they shared a house the next year.

Being realistic, your DD drinks, and alcohol is the 'drug' most likely to lead to her harm during her time at uni. Not someone else's cocaine use.

A friendly chat with the girl seems sensible, asking her to knock it off in their shared accomodation.