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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Original poster

DS is not sure if he wants to go to uni in September

58 replies

Laburnam · 04/08/2023 23:10

He is really questioning whether it’s something he really wants to do, he isn’t feeling excited by the prospect of going. He isn’t keen to take a year out . Any suggestions are met with no and he just seems stuck, he is dreading results day as it will mean decisions will have to be made

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 04/08/2023 23:12

Does he have a job?

You know, if he’s not excited about it, he can defer.

CuteCillian · 04/08/2023 23:14

Are you sure he is not saying this because he is worried he might not the required grades? It's a clever way to manage expectations; "I didn't want to go anyway".
Otherwise it's not surprising he feels a bit overwhelmed. I would leave him to work it out as much as I could. There are loads of options for 18 year olds and university will always be there.

Uurrjb · 04/08/2023 23:14

It’s okay not to jump straight in…does he have any offers to defer? Plans for next year (what’s he been doing since end of exams etc)

geoger · 04/08/2023 23:15

Has he got uni offers? What did he put down as his firm choice and what course has applied for?

retinolalcohol · 04/08/2023 23:16

I'd actually encourage anyone who feels like this to take the year out.

17/18 is so young to decide what you want to do forever and I have so many friends with essentially pointless degrees, because they just picked under the pressure of it then decided they wanted to do something different later. I dropped out and ended up back there starting again at 23.

He won't lose much by working for a year and having a think about it. Applications are really no harder - if he contacts his school/college next year they'll still help him with references Smile

Original poster
Laburnam · 04/08/2023 23:19

He changed his mind so many times in choosing what degree in the first place and i think he perhaps has never been 💯 certain. Over summer he has been working in a garden centre. If he had some idea of what he really wanted then it would be so much easier.

OP posts:
geoger · 04/08/2023 23:22

What subject and which uni does he have offers from? If none or he’s changed his mind he can go thru clearing on results day or defer his offers

Original poster
Laburnam · 04/08/2023 23:22

He chose social work because he doesn’t want to do a degree just for the sake . I agree a year out would be ideal but he’s against that too.

OP posts:
NotDonna · 05/08/2023 08:12

Social work is quite a vocation. Whilst I understand his thought process around it directly leading to a job it does mean there’s not much wriggle room if it’s not quite the right choice. I also think it’s quite normal to have worries and find this decision making very overwhelming. Is it the degree choice he’s worried about or is it the uni experience, moving out and away etc? It is a lot and it is quite overwhelming! What is he saying to you?

PaddingtonBunny · 05/08/2023 08:27

Agree with holding off on a vocational degree if he isn’t definite on that direction as it is a lot of debt to have just for the sake of it.
I would encourage him not to think of a year out as a year just not doing anything. What he would be doing is developing his plan for how he will be sustaining himself financially in future. Travelling etc gives people a chance to reflect on their choices but you can also not travel but research different avenues and what they might mean.
It sounds like the pressure of deadlines/excitement/social norms has taken away the idea of excitement and privilege we have in this country to choose our own way of being. We don’t need to be driving forwards constantly but it can feel like it at this age. To me it seems that it would be the ideal time to be doing a bit of exploring different paths, to put the brakes on and just be for a bit.
One idea might be to look at one year foundation courses at a local college that might still have places to give something to explore while he is still figuring things out. I believe these are normally free tutition up to 19yrs?

Original poster
Laburnam · 05/08/2023 09:14

I think he didn’t have the best of times with the pressure of A Levels he is very hard on himself. He doesn’t get that it’s ok to take some time out just to gain some perspective which I find v frustrating.

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/08/2023 09:15

Definitely take time out. Work, save, travel, and gain life experience. None of this is a waste.

unicornhair · 05/08/2023 09:23

Taking a year out seems the best thing to do. I can remember being 18 and feeling pressurised to choose without understanding what I wanted to do.
Will the garden centre keep him on from September with FT hours, otherwise he might need to start looking at something else. Or if he’s not FT maybe he could think about volunteering to get an idea what he might want to do?
Looking back 18 is still young. The students who’d had a year out always seemed more grown up than the rest of us.

Original poster
Laburnam · 05/08/2023 11:35

He’s refusing to even see it as an option and is getting angry, so not sure what else I can do

OP posts:
ChicoryDip · 05/08/2023 11:57

I'd be tempted to just step back for the next two weeks, don't mention it unless he brings up the subject and see what results day brings.

He may find that there are more people than he expected who decide to take a year out or explore other options. Sometimes it feels as if everyone is on the 'straight off to university' train but that's rarely the case.

He has lots of options and some of those will be clearer once he has his results. Be ready to talk it through when he gets his results. There's absolutely no shame in having a year out and reapplying next year having had time to consider what he really wants to do.

TodaysNameIsZig · 05/08/2023 11:59

If your and your sons finances can manage it he could always go to Uni, give it a try and then drop out if he doesn't like it. As long as he does it earlier enough then you can get back course fees and accommodation fees in some Uni halls. (CHECK the details with the actual Uni). It also possible to change courses fairly easily in some unis for some courses.

I hope he knows it's completely normal to not be sure what you want to do at Uni. One of my kids hadn't a clue what to do so did maths and then when she graduated she still didn't know what she wanted to do. She had done work experience but nothing grabbed her. After a year she worked it all out and got a grad job. She is now qualified in her profession and very happy in her career. I'm glad she didn't feel pressurized to choose a career path earlier in her education.

NotDonna · 05/08/2023 12:02

Laburnam · 05/08/2023 09:14

I think he didn’t have the best of times with the pressure of A Levels he is very hard on himself. He doesn’t get that it’s ok to take some time out just to gain some perspective which I find v frustrating.

I think this is incredibly typical of our cohort of teens. They’re putting pressure on to do well and always looking for the next thing. Maybe teens have always found it hard to just ‘be’, and just don’t stop and smell the roses etc. I don’t know, as I only know teens in the current years. We need to rephrase ‘taking a year out’ and a ‘gap year’ as there’s no gap or out about it. It’s actually giving heads and hearts a fabulous opportunity to consolidate, to think, to enjoy. He could continue at the garden centre to give him some breathing space and look at what else is out there in the meantime?

NotDonna · 05/08/2023 12:07

Laburnam · 05/08/2023 11:35

He’s refusing to even see it as an option and is getting angry, so not sure what else I can do

Ok! Message loud and clear from your DS. 😬 Like another pp says back off and don’t mention it. It may sort itself out at results day. Also, he may actually want to go just nervous about results, the move etc. Has he actually said he’s not keen anymore?

LIZS · 05/08/2023 12:15

Laburnam · 05/08/2023 11:35

He’s refusing to even see it as an option and is getting angry, so not sure what else I can do

So what does he see are his options if not a degree?

Charley50 · 05/08/2023 12:23

He could work / work and travel for a year. He might decide not to go to uni in the end and that's ok. If he's considering social work I think he needs to really know about the reality of the job, I read on here that it's a career with a large drop-out rate. As long as he's doing something leave him be for now.

Halfemptyhalfling · 05/08/2023 12:28

If he doesn't know what to do for a gap year, university will help him mature and move on with his life. It's a good halfway house. Social work is easy to get jobs in at the moment and won't be replaced by AI so a great choice.

TizerorFizz · 06/08/2023 11:23

Social work can be a terrible choice for the half hearted! It’s a tough job when you get into it. Often poorly managed with lots of stress due to very high workload. You have to be keen and highly organised to cope. He sounds like a student who wanted something vocational but didn’t know what. I would be wholly unsure that this is the right choice as he does seem immature if he’s getting angry.

Therefore I would just let him step back if he wants to. Maybe a year of maturing and even seeing another route into work would be good and better for him. Has he ever volunteered or worked with children/elderly/vulnerable people? If not, social work is a gamble. If he takes a year out, he would be better advised to sample volunteering or working with a client group and see if this really is for him. Or not. However this needs to be done quite quickly if he wants to reapply or change degree after results.

BlossomCloud · 06/08/2023 11:28

I'd let him think for a bit, and not pressure him just yet.

I was so glad I took a year out, I worked so I had savings and I also , by doing a few different jobs,.learnt a lot about myself and the world and went to university with a much clearer idea why I was there (plus the savings meant I could enjoy it more!)

He could also do with maybe doing some voluntary work to experience something relevant to social work. I did sail training (we took groups of children with their social workers) and helped at youth clubs before and during university. I didn't ever intend to go into social work etc I just did it to "give back" but it also taught me so much about the world and about the challenges some children face

BlossomCloud · 06/08/2023 11:28

I'd let him think for a bit, and not pressure him just yet.

I was so glad I took a year out, I worked so I had savings and I also , by doing a few different jobs,.learnt a lot about myself and the world and went to university with a much clearer idea why I was there (plus the savings meant I could enjoy it more!)

He could also do with maybe doing some voluntary work to experience something relevant to social work. I did sail training (we took groups of children with their social workers) and helped at youth clubs before and during university. I didn't ever intend to go into social work etc I just did it to "give back" but it also taught me so much about the world and about the challenges some children face

BlossomCloud · 06/08/2023 11:29

Laburnam · 05/08/2023 11:35

He’s refusing to even see it as an option and is getting angry, so not sure what else I can do

The anger is probably because he feels stressed and confused .