Thread 28 - Corona Cohort Awaiting Offers, Advance Notice, Gap Years and New Jobs

[OrangeCinnamonCroissant]

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting. It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, please don't within this thread. Please also be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue.

Our DS/DD may go down various paths (such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed) We have decided for anyone interested they will most likely find us within the Further Ed board.
Previous Thread 27 Here

Hey Piggywaspushed sorry I didn't get back to you re the sociology question you asked me. DD has said it seems they've taken out marriage, divorce and cohabitation from the family topic and that is it from what she can see. So the easy stuff. Has she got that right?

I think that will be used in the 15 mark question, though...they have really cut nothing...

Sounds like people have enjoyed looking round universities. I wish my 2 dc's had looked round more. I would have enjoyed it! Ds1 only wanted UEA Ds2 only wants Sussex. So I've not been round others, ds1 did have an interview at Essex, but knew he didn't want to go there. But we had a quick look round. Maybe ds3 will want to visit others.

It was very wet and cold!

To be fair, DS said visiting hasn't helped him make a decision because everywhere seems perfectly fine.

Sheffield was nice - attractive and friendly. The accommodation is really nicely set up and located. The rooms nothing special.

It’s been a cold, wet day for visiting so if they still liked it despite that, then it must be a real contender! I remember being put off Aberystwyth by similar weather!

Dunno if we’re the only ones but DD did not do any ‘in person open days’ or travel ( given the geographical spread - let alone the cost) to wander around the universities that eventually formed her 5 choices

@ProggyMat Ds2 did not do any open days either. I’m not sure he even bothered with the online ones. He was dragged around to some of them when we visited with ds1 3 years ago so has some memories of what they are like.

He’s fairly familiar with Leeds, has an offer holders day booked for Southampton, still to hear from Bristol. Saw Sheffield when we were looking with ds1.

We have DD’s graduation during the Easter holidays so he can have another look at Leeds then & we may even have time to get the train over to Sheffield

I was thinking what a great day it has been for visiting. It's been blue sky and sunny here. Obviously not further north. Our visit to Sussex in October was a washout too.

No, it was Baltic!

I'm ashamed of myself and I don't know where to go from here. I promised Dd I wouldn't moan about her room but I just went in it to turn her light off and it was awful. No space on the floor a 1.5m so mountain of clothes. Empty wrappers everywhere. I tried not to shout but she could see the visible shock/upset on my face and then she started getting defensive. She said matter of fact manner she was in a depressive episode and that is why her room is a mess. I asked her why she hadn't sought help the she started saying she was trying to contact the doctors for an appointment but could never get through. Then she started accusing me saying you 'don't believe me' that I'm depressed etc. I explained that there is a difference between low mood and depression and it is not something you can diagnose she started swearing at me , I shouted and told her to get to her room and wallow or clean and that her behaviour lately has been self entitled and attention seeking. I don't know what to do. She could well be depressed (I'm ashamed for implying to her she is not but this is the first time it has come up( but she is also presenting some extremely, self-absorbed narcissistic behaviour. She complains about everything. Everyone is at fault not her, she was fixated on her experience at her last school when she says she was bullied about her wavy hair. She seems to have no sense of perspective.
She says I don't care that she wants to off herself and I should fuvk off.

I said the wrong thing, I the adult, lost my temper, I was really trying not to. I probably hurt her and whatever I do she will never forget this as she never forgets any slight against her ..it all contributes to people ruining her life. She says things like I remember when you shoved me when I was 6 (when she was having a temper tantrum and I wanted her to stay in a spot I firmly did not let her come into my bedroom) or brings up conversations she has completely twisted.

She has had everything I could give her but now I will be the neglectful parent who didn't believe her about her depression.

We visited all DS's choices at least once (twice for 2 of them) plus two others. But, location and "feel" are really important to him, we both like days out (DH came along a couple of times) and more importantly none are more than 100 miles from home and most are considerably closer.

Still no nearer a decision though.

On a brighter note I took DD shopping for a prom dress today, we are both tomboyish and live in jeans/leggings but it was a lovely experience and she looks stunning in the one she chose.

Thanks to those that made kind comments about DD and the dyslexia yesterday. Her year R teacher highlighted a possible issue but those that came afterwards were steadfast in saying "not dyslexic" despite her failing the new (at the time) phonics screening by a mile even when she repeated it a year after her cohort group. In year 5 she had some tutoring and the tutor said we absolutely must get her assessed. To be honest, I think the school had just been thinking "not her again" as I had put DS through the EHCP process by then with zero help from them.

Sorry to read this @OrangeCinnamonCroissant I hope both you and DD calm down and are able to talk about what happened. Sending hugs x

Hope you are ok@OrangeCinnamonCroissant. It is tough when DC are acting in this way. We are having the same problems with DS including the self entitlement and the swearing. It isn't nice and causes upset for the whole family and whatever you do isn't right. The worse thing is when they make things up in their head and blame you for things that you don't know anything about.

Thanks Piggy will pass that on. Seems AQA have cut some but Eduqas nothing then - how do they fairly grade the papers? Do they apply a different grade boundary depending on which board you sit?

Icanbe oh gosh yes that October Sussex open day was a complete washout.

So sorry to read that Orange. I think hormones and mock exam stress et al are all playing a big part. I know I am walking on eggshells when DD is doing them and tempers are all frayed all round. Seems it's been on the cards to happen and today the last straw. I'm sure your DD knows you have her best interests and you can get through this. Sending hugs too x

Yay to new prom dresses ExtremelyD

Oh Orange I feel for you and we have all been there and wanted to take back our words. Fwiw I would not do anything until you have both had a chance to calm down a bit. And then apologise, and suggest you work together to help her because you love her and don't want her to feel that she is struggling alone.

But imo you should also tell her how her behaviour impacts on others including you. If she is choosing to feel that everyone is against her, that nothing is her fault and other people are ruining her life, that is not a good path for her or for those around her.

Have it out with her, but gently, let her speak and don't interrupt, and ask for the same courtesy from her for yourself. Try to see her point of view and ask for the same from her. Good luck. I have a DD who can be like this and find it very difficult at times

Orange, so sorry, I cross posted with you. That all sounds very difficult and it's not at all surprising you lost your temper, being and adult and parent doesn't mean you are impervious to all provocation. I know I have said regrettable things to mine in the heat of the moment. I hope that when things calm a bit you can work out a way forward with her. I am fighting a losing battle over the state of my DD's room too ATM

@OrangeCinnamonCroissant sorry to hear this, I have similar problems with ds3 (age 12) everything we say is wrong. But he says it's us, today he's said he wants to die and we all hate him. It is such hard work. I can imagine him going into a depression when he's an adult. Dh really struggles with him.
@Nard75 he makes things up in his head too. He's been saying dh hurts him today. He's never properly hurt him. He might have lifted him up by an arm and moved him when he's refused to move etc. I often feel I need help with him, but don't know where. I don't think his hormones have set in much yet as he's 12....God help us when they do! Ds2 says he's attention seeking had to stop mollycoddling him.

Sorry to hear about your issues @OrangeCinnamonCroissant and @Nard75. Dd is ok now, but in year 10/11 she had some mental health issues and we initially said all the wrong things despite being very familiar with mental health problems. I think dd has forgiven us and got past it now, but it took a while and lots of talking about it and apologising. When people are depressed they do tend to lash out and they only think of themselves. It’s hard not to take it personally but it’s not personal. Keep the lines of communication open, maybe do some research to show you’re taking it seriously and keep showing them love. Hope you’re both ok

@icanbewhatiwant ds3 sounds really hard work, are there any signs of other issues- ASD/ADHD etc? Maybe he’ll be better once he’s an ‘only child’ in term time?

We did loads of uni/city visits, 6 I think, but dd only applied to 2 of those! She also knew York and Bath as cities already but has never visited Manchester.

Oh @OrangeCinnamonCroissant, so sorry,but this is not your fault, It almost feels like it’s part of their playbook. I think I would tell her that I am absolutely wanting to hear about her feelings, but it makes it even more imperative that she cleans up, because sitting in chaos does not help us feel calm and positive. You are clearly a brilliant mum, don’t doubt that. And tomorrow i# another day.

@crazycrofter ds3 is a strange child. Ds2 calls him a weirdo, autistic and lots of other things. But he's completely different at school, so I've never had any help. He's very clever too, not sure why as I'm not clever at all. He's in top sets and comes in the top 3 or 4 in all tests. I don't get how he can be so clever but not understand his behaviour. But he's convinced it's us hating him. I really don't get him at all. But it sounds like I'm not the only one with a dc with problems, that's reassuring at least.

@OrangeCinnamonCroissant hope you sort things out with DD, that sounds awful for both of you. I long ago gave up the battle on tidy rooms and fussy eating - I would send you a photo of DS's "floordrobe" if I wasn't ashamed of it!

Sorry BlueMarigold, nothing to do with anyone else, just a bit worried about Nottingham for us personally, because if we do even get an offer at all, it's going to be very late, and we've already missed offer days.

Glad about prom dress Delighted.
Sorry to hear that Orange. Parenting is just so hard sometimes isn't it?

Piggy, AofC came back to you re exams, I meant to too. We are AQA for both sociology and psychology. Ds still maintains that his favourite topic has been taken out of sociology. And re psychology he says there's loads and has a 3 page list highlighted in yellow of all the parts removed?

Thank you all so much it is nice to know these issues present elsewhere /other households...From a selfish point of view I wouldn't wish stroppy teens on anyone. We'll be OK but I'm just tired of it all. I thought I replied last night obviously too distracted watching Masked singer after DH came in late from work.