Thread 24 Covid Cohort - Oh Come, Oh Come offers from Emmanuel - and all other universities aswell!

[OrangeCinnamonCocktail]

I tried to sing the title... It kind of works...

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting. It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, please don't within this thread. Please also be sensitive when responding to posts about grades.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this goodwill continues.

Our DS/DD may go down various paths (such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed) We have decided for anyone interested they will most likely find us within the Further Ed board.

Previous thread

DH's previous bursar was a horrible bully.

@Alsoplayspiccolo. That is shit. I hate that kind of illogicality. My understanding is that most feepaying schools have charitable status, so not businesses. I think that calls for a rather cool response. Difficult when it’s your children’s education at stake. But I would definitely point out the change of offer and tone.

I’m so sorry Piccolo, that is absolutely awful behaviour. I would be very upset.

oh @Alsoplayspiccolo how awful. He's an absolute shit.

Wow, your bursar is truly shocking Piccolo, I’m so saddened to hear how he’s behaved, on what appears to be a power trip, and the impact it is having on your family.

That’s awful @Alsoplayspiccolo, what a horrible man. Dd was a bursary girl at her previous school and I can’t imagine being treated like that. And presumably, as you’re in receipt of a bursary, the amount you owed would be fairly small in the grand scheme of things (although of course not small to you). Will you be moving ds next year?

Piccolo Agree with EalingWest that he's on a power trip. I'd be tempted to respond we took your offer of one or two years to be genuine.

Aw thanks Volterra

That's encouraging to hear Zebra. Fingers crossed you hear soon.

What an odious little man that bursar is Alsoplay. If he wanted 12 months he shouldn't have given the option of 24. So sorry you've had to deal with that on top of all the other stress of work worries.

Sorry you're having a bad week Heifer and also sorry your DD is not having good mocks so far. Mocks this late into term when they're running on empty seems so cruel I think. Not looking forward to next week when ours start.

Thanks for your chorus of support, ladies. It makes me feel better, even if it doesn’t change anything.
His email today is the latest of a whole list of situations where he’s said one thing during phone conversations, only to behave completely differently in written communications; it feels very purposeful, now I’ve thought about it as a whole.

Crazy, we’ve had some positive news, regarding moving DS next year; the specialist school we visited contacted us to say they’d had really positive feedback from everyone DS came into contact with during the open day (he had various lessons, group and one-to-one) and they’d very much like him to audition, so that’s the next step. 🤞🏻

Also - that's shite. I'm so sorry. He gave you a two year option - I'd remind him of that. Honestly, sometimes people can be so horrible.

Piccolo,
taking the emotion out of it, could you be practical? Reply by email, play dumb, which is actually subtly Passive Aggresive and say something along the the lines of;

Dear Bursar,
I was so shocked and saddened by your email of x Dec 12.37..... I am puzzled (polite and clever way of saying wtf are you thinking you idiot) by the response considering that I sent an email on xth November @ 12.37 confirming 2 year plan.

Was that email received and accepted?

Good news re ds @Alsoplayspiccolo, when will his audition be? I hope that brings some good news and you can move on from this situation.

I definitely think you should push back in a slightly faux-innocent way, as oblomov suggested.

It's all auditions, interviews and exams at the moment isn't it, it feels crazy! Dd is suddenly looking at virtual tours of the universities she's applied to - she never wanted to do any of that sort of research before picking the 5! But I'm glad she's feeling enthused.

@Volterra Well done to your DS!
Exeter have been very slow in offering this year in comparison to previous years - across all subjects- and with higher than the ‘norm’ offers!
DD has friends still waiting for her subject.
I’m rushed off my feet at work so have only been able to dip in and out for a quick read and unable to comment as this thread moves so fast, so:
Congratulations to all with positive interview news and any offers!
💐for those dealing with other stuff.
@Alsoplayspiccolo as if the annual ‘filling out of bursary forms’ isn’t stressful enough- and the wait for confirmation that the following year will be on ‘the same terms’
Apologies if I haven’t read your posts correctly but could you reply to the bursar’s email and quote the date the telephone conversation happened when he offered 24 months?

Thanks Proggy, it’s stressed me out a bit to be honest -2 x A*AA offers isn’t feeling very comfortable, he needs something lower.

@Alsoplayspiccolo so sorry you are being treated like this. I agree with @Oblomov21 suggestion, also follow up any future phone calls with an email saying "further to our conversation of time/date I would like to confirm that I said, and you said, and that this will happen by that date etc"

Where else is he thinking of @volterra?

@Volterra I’m not surprised!
But he has two fabulous potential firms on the table and now still has time to consider which Unis to apply to for insurances or even a potential firm?

Well done on the latest raft of offers and so sorry the bursar is being such an arse Alsoplayspiccolo

We had DS's parents evening earlier. It confirmed our suspicion that DS has taken his foot off the pedal. All teachers said he was very clever and capable but just wasn't organised and was sloppy with homework etc this year which wasn't the case in year 12.

We had suspected that was the case but whenever we asked DS about homework over the last couple of months we got a retort of "I'm not 12 you know". It was good actually to have them all very clearly state it but also very clearly state that he was clever enough to get the A*s he wants but only if he puts the work in.

I think it was a reality check for DS. DH and I both emphasised that it wasn't what we wanted to hear but it was easily fixable so we went for the positive attitude and let's make a plan to sort this and show them what you can do.

Only time will tell if he actually steps up but we are cautiously optimistic...

We need to sit down and talk about it. Think not too far from home would be sensible and he doesn’t want London. Southampton would be sensible, DD at Cardiff and someone has been saying they really like Birmingham when they looked and have heard nothing but good about it.

Great suggestions, , thanks, Oblomov and Exquisitely. We've been naive in not asking for phone conversations to be followed up with written confirmation of what was said up to now - our mistake and one we'll learn from.

20newnames, I'm impressed by your cool, calm collectedness - well done! I'm sure your DS will react much more favourably to your confidence in him than he would if you had ranted and raged (which I'm prone to doing!). This academic year has been so unsettling so far, I'm not surprised some DCs haven't committed quite as strongly as we'd like them to.

@Alsoplayspiccolo I have learned the hard way that this is also what you need to do when your conversations concern a child with SENs . Trust no one.

@Alsoplayspiccolo so sorry to hear of your stress. Is there somebody more human who can intercede for you? Maybe a chaplain or a nice member of SLT? It does seem that the school bursar role can attract people who like to play power games. A friend of ours was Chaplain at a school where the bursar and bursar's son (a pupil) were both poisonous. I think I would also put in writing that you have made every effort to keep them informed, they know why you are in this situation and they know you can't afford to pay quickly as you are still trying to climb out of the pandemic mess. Also, don't forget that it would take them a lot longer and take a lot more trouble if you weren't cooperating.

Good luck.

Sorry to hear that Also, how infuriating and insulting. What on earth do these people get out of behaving like that? I second the suggestion of asking in a slightly confused way what exactly he meant when he offered the two year option. Bastard. Here's hoping your DS aces his audition so you never have to deal with that idiot again.

No news here from DS's school BUT some amazing news nonetheless. DS now has extra tuition in physics (booked in before he almost got an A in the mock, I might not have bothered had I known ). I was talking to the teacher and telling her our woes, and she said the school always do that - they will never predict more than a grade above AS levels, no matter what the circumstances. And then she offered to let DS apply through her instead. I knew that she has done this for other students but felt it was a long shot. Anyway she thinks he can do well and is happy to predict AAB. So he's back in the game and we have shared a gin and tonic to celebrate, since it was the only booze in the house apart from the Christmas wine.
DS actually cried and then said we should mark this day on the calendar so we could celebrate it every year

What a lovely, lovely outcome Singingstones, very well done to both of you for keeping the faith (and for keeping it together). Great result.

Ah that’s fantastic @singingstones, what a good job you booked the tutor in, even if he doesn’t need her help so much now! What a ridiculous approach from the school. Basically if you don’t ace year 12, you’re stuffed. I’m so pleased for your ds.