Class of 18. No need for new school shoes

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Old thread:www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/3478916-Class-of-18-now-in-2019-blimey

A thread for those of us whose kids left school/sixth form/college a year ago. Friendly chat :)

Name changed but just wondering if anyone can help please having children experienced with different universities. DD is thinking of something comp sci/maths like but she feels it would be important to have lecturers who are supportive and not just research focussed, though somewhere with good academic reputation (predicted AAA). Has heard that Warwick lecturers may be more focussed on research than their students, so wondered if places with a 'college' system like York, Lancaster or even Durham might have that more pastoral/warm feel. Anyone with any ideas or suggestions to help please? Thanks

I can't speak for many universities Loveislike and definitely not Warwick but a close friend who is a professor (not there) told me that even when she worked at the ones with a so called college system it didn't make any difference to the level of pastoral care. It really is on a uni by uni basis and gut feel (because they won't admit how it really is). Eg I always thought that having academic staff doing tutorials was the ideal, but she told me (and DD agrees from her limited experience) that sometimes a PhD student can be a better tutor. Similarly with pastoral care, DD needed a bit of support at the start, and her uni (city based, and spread across a few areas of a large city) were absolutely amazing. Her personal tutor is (she feels) also similarly amazing, despite finding the time to just get promoted to professor herself.

Might looking out for departments with TEF Gold be useful?

Do you know what breed/cross Alfie is Ursula? I feel a teeny bit over invested in him...

He’s a Springer. He was only neutered in July at the age of 10 . He’s built like a brick s**thouse.

Looking for squirrels

Ah now I might cry at the Alfie story!

DD1 has gone off happily to uni on the train. We moved her into her flat in July so she is all set. I am happy that she is excited and looking forward to getting back into studying.

I am still in the Facebook group as sometimes there is useful information. Just skimming past the tears posts.

Dd came home to meet Alfie. Quick Tesco shop then she set off back to University. Unfortunately in the process of picking her keys up from the washing machine she ripped a nail. She had acrylics put on several weeks ago. The acrylic is still on but the nail underneath is half torn off. Cue much blood and wailing. Applied a plaster and sent her on her way. She lives with two student nurses so was hopeful they could sort it but she has text to say it may be a trip to A&E. I’ve asked her to video if she does go 🙄

Aww,, Ursula. He's lovely.

DD has been back a couple of weeks and will start lectures again tomorrow. I can't remember how many hours, somewhere between 9 and 12, but she managed to arrange her seminars so she is finished by 2.00 everyday and has Fridays off! Loving her flat, which is much nearer uni than halls where.

My older DS will go back this week, although lectures dont start for two weeks.

Gin glad your DD is away and settled.

Thanks for taking the time Hardwickwhite that is helpful.

Gin I remember saying I thought the boyfriend would resurface... still at least she knows she is the one who has left him now..she has to stay strong for another month. Perhaps they will be together in the end, but a separation won't do any harm to test their true feelings.
Ursula dogs are so clued up. Mine hates ear cleaner bottle and can tell when it comes down from the shelf just by the shape of it. I think I will have to start disguising it in a shoe (He likes it when I put my shoes on and likes chewing them when I take them off ) Hope Alfie starts to associate car with lovely outings soon, but how sad he has lost the home he must have been so familiar with - your home must be a haven for him after an ordeal.

Just skimming past the tears posts.

They are a bit OTT. I was thinking about it today and think that the reason I don't cry at stuff like DD starting school or going to university is because she has given me much more serious stuff to get upset about. We nearly lost her when she was a few weeks old. She ended up having life saving surgery and spending a few days in ICU. Then when she was 11 she was referred to the oncology team at Birmingham Children's hospital because they thought she had bone cancer.

It kind of puts things into perspective, so starting school and going to university is small stuff in comparison.

DS is most put out that his teaching hours/lectures have increased this year. Me - I'm delighted to know he will get some value out of his tution fees.... 🤣

Gin - great that your dd has settled.
Ds leaves tomorrow, but term doesn't start until next week. Hopefully he will think about packing some time today. He doesn't have all the timetable details yet (lectures, but no seminar info) but so far has Wednesdays off and a full day on Tuesday - 11 until 7 or something.

Dropped DS off yesterday; all went well.

He is living on his own in a private hall. The other residents are mostly overseas students from the same country, or students from the other university in that city. He has his own kitchen and there are no common areas, so there isn't any opportunity to mingle. He tried propping his door open, but is at the end of the corridor, so no one walks past.

He is going to try to make more effort to make friends on his course and to join a society, neither of which he did last year.

Good to hear of all the settling in stories. I hope those with issues get them ironed out soon and can enjoy second year.

I am not weeping and wailing but I am very worried about dd. It appears that her mental health was much worse at the end of last year than I had realised. I knew she was struggling a bit but didn't know (because she didn't tell me) that she was unable to study for any of her exams and only passed because she had gone to lectures and managed to soak up information in a sponge-like way.
Having improved over the summer, things are getting worse again.
She has had an initial assessment from mental health services but has been warned of long waits before any treatment starts. Her symptoms aren't straightforward so it isn't even clear what the best treatment would be.

NoHaudin it would be totally understandable if you had a good cry. That is something real to be worried about. It's so hard parenting these teenagers sometimes. X

NoHaudin what mental health services are available through her university?

NoHaudin
Good that she has been assessed, but I can see how worrying that must be for you.
DS's health is not perfect but is stable. He has decided to stop taking his medication and has promised me that he will see the GP if he becomes worse.

I'm not surprised Haudin - after the death of her grandma it must be very difficult for her to settle down. But that is very good she is able to face lectures, that is the most important part of studying - to bother to go at all. When I felt low, that was the hardest thing, to go into a room full of people when you knew no-one necessarily noticed if you were there or not (I'm not sure how her uni is on that score; presumably lecture halls are enormous) Could you go up for a week, and just be in the shadows, normalise things, or are you looking after ds/other commitments.

Dh is meeting ds for lunch today at uni, he has a business appt in that town. Ds has form for talking a lot of puff/bravado fuelled inconsequential stuff, it is very difficult to find what is really going on with him. I'm hoping that meeting someone for lunch was a good for his sleeping patterns at least. Freshers still on I think.We have heard nothing otherwise..

Bronze the advantage of having your own kitchen is that he can now be the "hub" and invite people over without inconveniencing any flatmates.

2nd year is a whole new ball game many problems solved and then new ones!

I am looking after two dogs for the week. One is mine, the other is a friend's. So far, my dog has thrown up 4 times, (I think it is an abreaction to Metacalm so I'm discontinuing) and the other dog (Large breed) has cut his paw (abrasion) on something in my garden. Both are following me around like newly hatched ducklings, I was reduced to watching Jeremy Vine (surprisingly interesting) just so they would both sit still and stop fighting for "the bone", "the dog bed" and adored adult...My little dog was so sweet, when other dog hurt its paw, he started licking him instead of quarrelling..

Nohaudin do you have DDs permission to speak to the uni disability services on her behalf? They were lovely when we urgently needed some support for DD last year. There was none of the pfaffing about waiting for external MH services, they put weekly support sessions into her timetable straight away. The sessions were in the central library too I think, so should be physically accessible to your DD.

Sorry to hear about your DD NoHaudinMaWheest
It is so hard when your DC is ill and you can't be there to hold their hand.

DD's health issue is not resolving itself, and she stayed in last night. She is trying to get a GP appointment. She isn't keeping in touch very much because I think she doesn't want to worry me.

Sorry to hear about MH problems. One of DDs housemates who struggled a lot last year is still struggling. She thinks the house is haunted, doesn't like being there alone but also is not a party animal so doesn't like going out with the others. I think she is wishing she had stayed in halls and DD is hoping she doesn't bale out as the rest of them will be responsible for her rent. At least she seems to have told her mum that she is scared of the house so her mum is visiting regularly to take her out to lunch.

They are such a worry.

DD has announced that she is only going to go clubbing once a week as it is too far (15 minutes on the bus) and she can't be bothered. They have decided to socialise in pubs in the area and get earlier nights and get lots of work done. Praise the Lord.

Alfie continues to be hard to love. I feel awful as he is a sweetheart just not very spanielly. Took him along the canal this morning and he didn't even notice the ducks...

Speaking of GP appointments - it seems to be a bit of three ringed circus getting one in her University town, but she jumped through lots of hoops and finally managed to get an appointment with a proper doctor. She was due to go down to London for a gig so booked a train for after her afternoon appointment. She then got a text that morning cancelling the appointment. No rhyme or reason and no way to rebook.

She is very much in touch with disability services and has a weekly mentoring session.
Her GP is waiting for the letter from MH services and will then consider with her whether antidepressants are the right way to go, at least in the meantime.
I am going up on Wednesday, mainly to supervise the final clearance of my mum's house as it will be sold shortly. However it gives me a chance to see how dd is.
We have put in some help from a care agency to deal with some of the practical things she was finding difficult.
I will go up regularly but still have to be based here as ds has major problems too. His plan was to try 2nd year yet again with some adjustments. His department is fine about it, but the university authorities are now being difficult and we are still waiting to hear from SFE about funding.