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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Original poster

Class of '18 Best foot forward through the autumn leaves.

999 replies

OhYouBadBadKitten · 18/10/2018 21:08

old thread was getting big....

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TheFirstOHN · 27/10/2018 14:14

Have just seen DS for the first time in five weekend He has lost a noticeable amount of weight and his skin (not normally problematic) looks terrible.

He hadn't had breakfast so we bought him a pasty for lunch. He was able to eat a third of it.

He is so jittery that I had to directly ask him about recreational drug use.

On the positive side, his room is tidy and he had changed his sheets.

LoniceraJaponica · 27/10/2018 15:49

That sounds worrying TheFirst

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/10/2018 15:50

Maybe just badly hungover, First?

MsAwesomeDragon · 27/10/2018 15:57

That does sound worrying first. Have you got any ideas of who to go to for additional help? There's obviously a limit to how much you can do from home. My friend's DD found uni similarly difficult a few years ago so she left uni to come home that Christmas. They felt she'd given it her best shot and it was just too difficult. She spent the rest of that academic year doing part time retail work as she recovered, then did an apprenticeship and is now out in the world of work but still living at home and is significantly happier. At the time she felt awful about it, like she'd let people down, but a couple of years on she knows coming home was the best thing for her and is very happy with her life situation. I know that's not likely to be what your ds will want to do, but it may be an option he can have as back up if everything gets too much for him and you to cope with.

GnomeDePlume · 27/10/2018 16:35

TheFirstOHN that is worrying.

How is his general health? Has he been struggling with freshers flu?

Knittinganewme · 27/10/2018 16:36

I am sorry TheFirst, that must be really worrying for you. I think one of the first things they have to work on is eating regularly and properly. It sounds such a simple thing but some make heavy weather of it.

Anyone would have thought that my DS had spent the last 18 years eating NASA pouches as he seemed to have no ideas at all about what it was possible to eat.

TheFirstOHN · 27/10/2018 16:40

He hasn't had any alcohol since last weekend, so not hungover. His sleep pattern is so messed up that he feels jet-lagged every day. It turns out that he has been drinking caffeinated energy drinks most days, hence the jitters, and this could be affecting his appetite too.

Knittinganewme · 27/10/2018 17:01

It won't be helping his sleeping either. Energy drinks would seem a quick solution to the poor sleep - tiredness issue but they could easily end up making it worse.

UrsulaPandress · 27/10/2018 17:18

DD has a constant headache no doubt caused by the loss of her glasses and the wait for new ones. One of her eyes has started to roam to the left Confused.

Regular eating seems to be so difficult for them. She came home for the afternoon and I made her ..... beans on toast. I mean, how bloody hard is that?

She loves the parkin and is taking it back with her - much to DH's disappointment.

She has lots of essays to write so I am hoping this will lead her to calm down the social side. She will keep buying 'vintage' clothes though.

Hope your DS is ok First

GnomeDePlume · 27/10/2018 17:28

I think the self care isn't difficult of itself. The difficulty is getting into a routine. The hard bit is remembering to eat sensibly when nobody is asking - 'have you had breakfast/lunch/dinner'. Keeping funny hours, getting up late then staying up late.

Knittinganewme · 27/10/2018 17:43

^ This. DS has reached the conclusion, all by himself, that he is better getting up at the same time every day even if he doesn't need to be in at 9am. It is also dawning on him that just because you can stay up until 2am doesn't mean you should.

marmiteloversunite · 27/10/2018 17:58

Oh First what a worry for you. I'm sorry that he looks so unwell. Would he eat some microwave meals that are easy to cook?

I am feeling ok. Had a very nauseous night but been ok today. Managed to walk the dog round the block with DH to get some air at lunchtime. Now on sofa with fire on and DH cooking tea.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/10/2018 18:02

Good to see you posting Marmite and I'm glad you got out for a bit. Don't be afraid to ask for anti sickness meds or better ones if you need them.

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OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/10/2018 18:07

Those energy drinks are totally evil TheFirst. I reckon stopping those will make him feel a lot better once he goes through the crash in blood sugar and lack of caffeine. I guess he needs to work out why that has crept up though.

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Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/10/2018 18:15

Sorry, dodgy phone and dodgy signal so it's best if I look and reply in little posts.

We saw dd today. It was lovely :) I found it very difficult to leave her when it was time to go.

I'd gambled on the chance that I'd be able to make room in her fridge and it paid off, so it now has some of her favourite food in it. She is eating well - some of her food inventions are a bit Confused and she looks well despite a nasty cough.

Took her for lunch where she made the most of us paying Grin and took her to the chemist for some decent cough medicine.

It was just so nice to talk to her and see that she's happy and thriving.

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LoniceraJaponica · 27/10/2018 20:11

Glad to see you had a nice day Kitten. I hope your DD feels better soon.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/10/2018 20:36

Thanks Lonicera! I should say, I'm not judging her food inventions, I remember doing the same.

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Knittinganewme · 27/10/2018 20:37

I have had photos of sausages in a pan for me to admire (and say "they are not done"). I am hopeful that in another few weeks I can stand down from culinary support, although I am flattered that I am considered a better source than Google.

I told him this time last year that he needed to learn to cook but would he listen?

LoniceraJaponica · 27/10/2018 21:14

As a bit of a foodie myself and a lover of cookery shows and food shows/festivals DD has had no choice about being interested in food and cooking. As she is vegetarian she definitely doesn't want to be in catered halls. She is a very good cook so I won't worry about her not being able to cook. I will worry about her being too tired or short of time to cook (and wash up after herself)

Sunndowne · 27/10/2018 21:27

wishing you well Marmite. Hope family and friends are spoiling you.
So sorry to hear that The Third - is so worrying when our DC go and seem to find it so hard. Do hope he can take your advice and get good help from the uni. Lots of students find it really hard and there is support available.
Glad you enjoyed DD kitten. Great there was space in the fridge. A week on DD is still enjoying our offerings.

Nettleskeins · 28/10/2018 16:33

I saw ds1 yesterday, went to drop off some academic textbooks he needed and some slippers he demanded. I had a brilliant day with him, I think he was grateful for me making him wake up a bit earlier than normal..Pub lunch and visit to a bookshop to buy some course books, where we unexpectedly found some of his course mates behind the till his green coated mama issuing loud bossy pronouncements[to him] before I realised he knew them. He seemed rather popular, and his manner changed markedly whilst we are engaged in conversation with them Shock. He then hissed at me how I had embarassed him, once we had left the shop... I managed to make him see various bits of the town he had failed to know were there, at which point he took me to the bus stop very solicitously...and then lots of sweet texts followed thanking me for my visit and hoping the bus journey wasn't too long ( it turned out it was the wrong bus stop - I had to find the real bus stop after he left...)

Today dh and I have gone out for along walk by the river, dh is now lying down exhausted. dd has come back from Spain and had to be forced to sit down and do some A level work on Biology instead of continuing in dreamlike half term mode (she went to a halloween party last night and this morning she was entirely on her phone) Ds2 is gobbling up politics questions and giving us analyses of the current situation.

Ds obviously still doing a lot of partying but is also doing a lot of essays and assignments, his course seems to entail a lot of short assignments. I think between the two aspects he hasn't much time for anything I would call extra curricular/hobby. I've given up hopin g he will take any interest in the food thing, he seems very healthy but clearly does no cooking and goes to a lot of "pre-s". I don't want to know the details really...He drank sparkling water when I saw him. ^ weeks in, this is an entirely new life for him.

We also had a breakthrough because he mentioned in passing he wanted to have a room in the halls next year, that last year he written off as scuzzy...because surprise surprise they are much more convenient for campus and much much cheaper. I think he has realised the nice normal people will be there and those are the people he wants to hang out with..

Nettleskeins · 28/10/2018 16:39

6 weeks in, I mean not ^ weeks in!

Marmite very best wishes for the coming week. what a crazy world: a Raquel Welch wig SmileSad.

Nettleskeins · 28/10/2018 16:45

First I'm glad ds is back in your care. He'll be able to look at the situation with a bit more clarity too.
Caffeine seems quite important if you have an mild ADHD co morbid disorder, which I think ds has, as apparently it regulates the brain and calms it and helps focus, which is why I think my ds needs his caffeine and seemed to live on energy drinks last year. Apparently a cup of tea first thing is very helpful for most of us (rocket science eh?) my ds won't drink tea or coffee though, and sugar is not his friend so it is difficult to get the balance of caffeine with other bad things not thrown in. He has taken on board what I said though, and now he drinks water or fruit juice in the day or iced tea rather than red bull.Shock

TheFirstOHN · 28/10/2018 17:46

Update: after 24 hours at home, DS is already looking a bit better. He went out with friends last night, slept till noon, ate brunch and then did a short shift at his old workplace (he is in their 'bank' and they have an app where he can indicate availability, is offered work in those times and can accept or decline it).

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 28/10/2018 18:49

That's good first. I'm glad.

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