Class of '18 Best foot forward through the autumn leaves.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread was getting big....

Ds1 told me his new friends were impressed that he didn't "smoke" (whether that means cannabis or tobacco I'm not entirely sure). He told me he cannot "smoke" because of his singing. We also have a family relative who has suffered the after effects of early twenties cannabis addiction and ds sees for himself what happens if you live "that life", however much you justify it at the time.
But I'm not even asking about the drug taking in his wider circle, which is very newly formed.

For us this is completely unknown territory because ds didn't go clubbing or to parties in London at all. Or even around to people's houses. I'm hoping that at 18 he is better placed to deal with the pressure than he would have been at 15 or 16 and there is less sense that he needs to rebel. He has been through his rebellious phase already as far as I'm concerned..

But his city is well known to have a lot of drugs.

haudin I love that you dd says that. Honestly my son with ASD has far more sense on these matters than most NT people of his age. He also thinks it is absolutely mad to take drugs or get drunk. -when you can go to a football match or talk about politics, or indeed listen to Queen extremely loudly

It is good that your ds also has sense nettles. There may be other things to worry about but that is off the list.
I think experience of consequences also plays a part. Although the causes of dd's condition aren't really know it is likely that a drug prescribed for acne played a part. She has said to friends that if a medically prescribed and monitored drug can do that, it would be mad to take anything unregulated and unneeded.

DD1 had the experience of a housemate getting caught by a bad batch of MDMA. That had resulted in housemate being bluelighted to hospital and spending time in intensive care.

DD2 enjoys observing her flatmates antics. Apparently there was a bit of a situation the other night when one group was loved up and mellow and the other group was buzzed up and desparate to get out!

It seems that some students do have big budgets to waste.

Hello everyone,
Sorry I've been absent - had a self imposed week off from social media to see if it would help with sleep, or lack of. It did! And I read 3 books!
So from now on I'm giving myself a phone curfew.
It's been a mixed week or so. Our beloved ddog passed away. Not entirely unexpected as we knew he had cancer but were hoping for a bit longer as he seemed so well. But he went downhill extremely quickly over a couple of days, so we had to make the decision to have him pts.
DD was heartbroken that she couldn't get back to see him. I wanted to drive him down to see her but luckily realised just in time how bonkers/cruel that would be.
Telling her on FaceTime was my worst nightmare, but it was lovely to see how her friends flocked round her as soon as she told them - a couple of them were straight round with wine and chocolate and the whole group cancelled that nights clubbing plans and stayed in with her with a takeaway instead.
Then DD surprised me on my birthday the other night - knock on the door and there she was! She just popped back for the evening for dinner and back on the train in the morning but was so lovely to see her and have her in the house again, albeit briefly.

DD has also been shocked at the prolific (and very open) drug use.
That sounds horribly scary Gnome, hopefully enough to put them all off the stuff for a while.
I do think they almost need to see consequences close to home to get rid of that teenage "it won't happen to me" complex.

HesMyLobster sorry to hear about your dog.

lobster I'm so sorry about your dog.
I been sleeping badly the last few days, and I'm amazed how difficult it is to cut out the things I know will make my sleep worse...ie telly after 10, doing some last minute chores, sitting down and reading through something. Best to just go to bed and stare at the wall, I usually go straight to sleep however boring I think it is going to be! There always feels like an excuse if one has that second wind but then the next day tiredness makes me so despondent, and then the cycle starts again, one looks for way to cheer up or distract which again affect your sleep pattern.
I'm having a diffficult time with dh since his operation, we are very much on eggshells at the moment and the builders aren't helping! But our building work is going to improve things so much (she said hopefully!) we had a massive argument this morning over the fact that he said there was only pork mince not beef mince in the freezer. I am actually glad ds1 isn't here to witness our petty squabbles...

Dear Twins have said that they want no part in our arguing, dd has gone to the Hayward Gallery for her Art and Ds2 has gone to a football match with 3 friends..result...

Haudin alas, it is Ds2 (still only in Year 12) who is the sensible one with ASD and Ds1 is not quite so persuaded by logic.

Lobster is it in the Clubs that the drug taking goes on, or is it in private party situations? I am just so clueless about all this, I was a complete ingenue in that respect

Lobster I am sorry about ddog, it is a hard decision but when you know they are suffering there is nothing else that you can do.

I haven't slept through the night in decades. You name it, I've done it. No caffeine after noon, light meal, no alcohol, early meal, no screens, nothing to drink after seven. It's still a good night if I have three hours unbroken sleep. I have now reached the stage where I've decided that nothing is going to make a difference so I might as well stop worrying about it.

DS has a lot to say about drinking so I expect I'd hear if people were off their faces on something else expect that he would probably not notice if it were happening right in front of him.

Nettles sounds like a bit of both from what DD has said. There are certain clubs known as being a bit "ketty" or "cokey" and she says she and her friends avoid those.
Also, at her college at least, one of the second year student houses is known as the place to go if you're into illegal substances.

DD is very live and let live and says if that's what they want to spend their money/time on then fair enough and good luck to them. She personally though prefers to splurge on food - so far she and her friends have been for a posh afternoon tea, a swanky new sushi restaurant and last night treated themselves to going out for steak!
She justifies it because she hardly drinks, or shops but we joke that she's not exactly living the student life we expected!

I'm sorry about your dog Lobster.

In my day it was all Es and cannabis (not me) but I only knew about a couple of people taking them. One was my lab partner for a time. Do you know how hard it is to get your lab work done when your partner is stoned?

You have been through the mill somewhat recently Nettle. Sorry to hear about the dog Lobster. we had to "play God" with our very much adored cats. It is hard to lose a pet

On the back of the recent posts on this thread I had a discussion with DD about drugs at university. As DD hasn't ruled out the idea of doing post grad medicine she told me that she really doesn't want to get involved in the drugs scene.

Her old school was in this week's local paper as they are targeted by drug dealers from over the border in the next county.

DD hasn't mentioned drugs at all yet, so I'm assuming that her social circle don't do drugs. She has barely ever even been drunk so I'm not worried that she will start with drugs now.

I'm sorry about your dog lobster. It's really hard when a beloved pet dies, whatever age you are.

I've not heard from DD at all this week. I do know she's alive as she's messaged my mum who was asking about Christmas plans. But she's not got in touch with us, so we're assuming she's having too much of a good time to bother with us. I would ring her, but she doesn't do phone calls, she only deals in messages

DS doesn't do phone calls, just messages. I'll bat them back and forth up to a point at which point I end with "ring me". I don't have time to spend twenty minutes piffling around with texts when five minutes actual speech would do.

Sorry to hear about your dog lobster.

DS is home today. Things I miss when he's not here - just him generally. Things I don't miss - cleaning up the bathroom after he's decided to trim off his Grizzly Adams beard. He has gone off for the night with friends so not expecting him until the early hours .

He hasn't talked about drugs, he doesn't drink or smoke and as far as I'm aware his flatmates/friends drink but no drug taking.

I was at art school so smoking cannabis was the norm for most of my cohort, it was during the late 80's/early 90's and the rave culture was in its heyday so all kinds of pills were readily available for those who wanted to partake.

For those who remember Dr Peppers PhD, they could do with some support at the moment. Thread in HE.

Sorry about DDog lobster.

DS looking at houses for next year. Bit of a nightmare. He and others found a house from superuni which was "sold" to them On the basis that cheaper than halls (£135pw inc bills). However the agent neglected to tell them that lease is 52 weeks. That's £7k! A,lot of the group have now paid the £130 non refundable admin fee to reserve the house. DS has now had to say (after we've investigated) that he can't afford it.
Think this non refundable fee a bit of a swizz. Ds feels bad for letting the rest down. Apparently a second has also now said can't afford.

Wow that’s expensive. Dds is £110 per week over 52 weeks which annoys me as the landlord will need time to clean and repair between the tenants.

if you plan to get a job in your uni town then a long contract like that makes financial sense - as you can work over the summer if it suits and there would be no transport issues, that might crop up in people's home locations...which is why they can get away with it... Also there is something quite fun about living in a student house over the summer months presumably!!!

Flatmouse that is a shock though.

spoke to ds this evening as he was walking somewhere, could hear loud banging and shrieking in the background and what sounded like kittens mewing..apparently all the sound of the local high street He confessed that Sunday evenings felt a bit lonely and dark now that the light went in the afternoon, no-one apparently has money to go to the cinema on these occasions. I recommended Evensong in a local chapel or two, and pointed out there was usually free refreshments. At which point he mentioned that on Mondays the Chaplaincy has an evening with food. at which point I suddenly remembered that Cults attract students with welcome and food, so I said, be careful not to join any cults. Oh, he said carelessly, Ive already joined a cult, Mum..pause. Just joking...

But reading between the lines, a lack of people to snuggle up with and drink soup and discuss Dr Who.

just in case I didnt mean to suggest that the Chaplaincy was a cult (I had already recommended it to him a while ago)

Must remember to warn DD not to join any cults!
I like the sound of your DS more and more Nettles

One of DDs friends is doing nursing so she will need to be in the house over the summer so I appreciate the need for long tenancies. But I thought a couple of weeks to sort out the place between occupants would be fair. And save me over £200.

Popped over to see her yesterday with a sample cake for her friend any excuse She lives midway between the two city cathedrals and the bells were ringing out for Armistice. Fabulous sound.

Oh yes, I understand longer tenancies. I was imagining 48 weeks. The issue was the lads hadn't taken length of tenancy I to account when looking at price. The problem now is the 4 who have paid admin fee to reserve house are stuck. Admin fee is non refundable. Hoping is doesn't cause problems between them. I have asked DS to investigate University houses to get price comparison. I was hoping nearer £110pw inc bills.

DS1 has had his first assignment graded. It's 40% of the marks for a double module.

He got 70% for it, which apparently is (just) within the grade boundary for a First. The other people on his course group chat all got between 50-69%.

I am so pleased for him. As you all know, he has struggled a bit in the last few weeks, and has a lack of confidence in his ability.