Christmas half term - Year 13 (another original thread title!)

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Carrying on from previous thread

I'm so rubbish with thread titles. Anyway...

This time last year there was lots of chat about tests/exams/mocks at this point. Are there fewer of them, or is everyone more chilled about them?

That’s ace TheSecond. It’s really good that he has that in the bag if he needs it and chooses it.

Second I know someone who went to Reading to do History with BBC this year! (not knowing what your son's fifth choice was, but just so that you are aware of the options)

Icould I hope school is giving ds some pastoral support, what a grim time for you all. Dd's friend/acquaintance lost her father this year, dd said at the time "we all need to just treat her the same so that she feels school is like this safe place", but I wonder whether that is the wrong way to go about it, expecting someone to be brave and keep going as if nothing has changed.

Thank you knittingwithnettles that's encouraging. His top three choices are of a similar calibre to Reading.

Big hugs to you and your DS knitting

Huge hugs Icouldbe. You're both doing really well

Hi, changed my name to Nettleskeins so as not to confuse me with Icouldbeknitting hope that is alright.

Ds is being very agreeable since watching Star Wars and handing UCAS. I notice the site is under essential maintenance this weekend. Still haven't got the welcome email, and I am hoping grinding my teeth that the HOY has put in the reference and sent it off on Friday. A week we have been waiting since he gave in his form, but ds doesn't seem to mind much, I think he is not too bothered. Just slightly irritating to now have to wait until Jan before finding out. He has been asleep till midday though and came down only interested in the subject of Star Wars. Ds2 has spent the whole day playing sport again in the freezing cold and off to a football match with two friends, and dd has spent the entire day roaming London shopping with two separate friends. Entirely different approaches to the weekend I think ds2's is best really.

Nettleskeins we went to see Star Wars this afternoon. All of us liked it, but particularly DS1.

well, Ds1 is still asleep whilst we write enormous holiday lists of chores to be done. It is a liberating moment to realise that what he wears on holiday is now his problem not mine. I've given him some clean clothes and I just hope he packs them! Luckily he has certain clothes he is particularily fond of, so he might actually organise washing them himself, rather than go without for 7 days when we are on holiday.

Icould how is your ds this morning? hope today is going alright it must have been such a long and horribly sad and stressful term for you both.

knitting I'm so sorry, I hadn't realised quite what you and your ds were going through. You are both doing amazingly well to be functioning as well as you are.

I'm so glad it's the holidays now. We're all having a well deserved rest, except dd1 who is working 3 days this week and 2 next week, then has mocks as soon as she goes back in January. So she's got a busy holiday ahead of her.

No mocks for DD as she's only doing BTECs. I was wondering why she had been so stressed this term with all of the coursework (more than last year) - she then explained to me that for one of the courses they have already finished 2 out of 3 units for the year!! Call me cynical if you like, but that suggests to me that the teacher fancies a nice easy Summer term, and hadn't thought through that it would cause unnecessary stress for the students squeezing so much into 1 term. For her other 2 subjects, they have started the second unit, but not finished.

chocolateworshipper when does she finish? DS1 has several friends at college who seem to finish at different times in the summer term, depending on what course they're doing.

DS doesn't finish until Friday lunchtime so we still have another week of routine. I'm not looking forward to Christmas, I should have stuck with my original suggestion of sitting in the sun by a pool somewhere and letting this one slip past us. I think I've bought him all of three things, I do all of the present shopping at Christmas and this year I just can't face thinking about it. (Anyone with present ideas for 17 year old boys please send them over)

Nettles DS is best in places where he knows that no one is going to ask him how he is or how he is feeling so yes, I think the "carry on as normal" approach has its merits. I don't know how to answer the question "how are you feeling?" because people really don't want to hear the truth.

Do you have people to talk to Knitting?

Does he have decent headphones? Tickets to a concert? what's your budget?

dd has finished, I finish work in a couple of days. It's quite a relief. We've been playing lego jurassic park together on the playstation. It's ace!

Icould ds1 who is 17, likes cool shirts that he wouldn't think to buy himself (sophisticated ones with paisley or retro patterns rather than suit shirts ifysim) He loves anything from Superdry, teeshirts, hoodies, but Levi 501jeans. He likes elegant duvet sets. He likes dvds of current films, that have only just come out on DVD. He read a Neil Gaiman novel recently...(cannot say he reads much) He always loves any grooming product, expensive deodorant, shaving cream, aftershave, hair gel, bodywash or shampoo, as he goes through it so fast. And posters, either retro or Film posters he likes those. He has Back to the Future and an Old Star Wars one atm. Music isnt so popular with ds, unfortunately they stream most of it or download it.

and a light dressing gown (sort of Cary Grant cotton type in charcoal stripe) that has been worn constantly since I gave it to him last year.

thesecond - the course I was talking about will probably finish by March, and the others by May - but it depends on whether she has to do any re-submissions

chocolateworshipper one of the advantages of a BTEC is that they don't have to wait until August for results.

my irritation with ds1 is now bubbling over. I suspect it is just anxiety about his future plans. Today we had an argument about libraries I said could he go into the library today and just read something if he had no specific work to do (last days of term and big event this evening that he is rehearsing for) - ie he might find something interesting in there, off piste as it were, to fire his imagination (thinking politics novels history btw!) He answered in typical teenage fashion, oh why would I go to the library, I can find out anything I want online. But if you go to UNI DS1, you will need to go to the library, libraries are great places..etc etc...complete block from ds1 and he grumbles off to school. Admittedly it was very early. But I just despair. He is not ready for UNI. He needs a GAP YEAR. And now we have to go through the wretched track experience...

Still, he is lovely and I do appreciate him, just so obstinate in his thinking.

This is the school library btw. He did tell me at one point he has been banned from it, because he was chatting. But this was a year ago, surely they cannot ban A level students indefinitely? What would be the point - surely better to encourage them to use it more wisely? The school is so utterly rubbish at communicating with me, unless he is late or absent (which is hardly hardly ever, in which case a letter wings its way to me FIRST CLASS reminding me how important punctuality is) I still haven't had any response from the HOY who I called nearly a week ago, or to my subsequent email. And tonight he is receiving a b**dy PRIZE. I would rather he got no prize and someone rang me up to tell me what is going on!!!

I think at this point Nettle we need to accept that we can't tell them what to do.We can give them advice and helpful suggestions, but ultimately their decisions are their responsibility now.

Its hard, I find myself internally tearing my hair out at some of dds decisions, but I'm trying my best with the above.

The thing is, deep down I believe that what our parents tell us is very influential. We may refuse to listen at the time, but we store it away subliminally. Which is why negative comments can be so undermining for teens. However, when we suggest possibilities to them I think they do store them up to access later.. I am just working on getting my "TONE" right atm. I suppose just valuing their opinion is a good start.

That's true and it's not an easy transition for us either is it? Accepting that they need to learn from mistakes that we can predict the consequences of. Then resisting the urge to tell them they bought it on themselves when they already feel bad. We should all get automatic rights to apply for diplomat jobs after going through this bit.

When I think back, my parents' delight and enthusiasm in so many things is what has stayed with me, and inspired me. Their dire warnings and advice about other things registered as disapproval, and I don't think gave me any positive direction so in that case I think parental "wisdom" backfires. And truthful stories about their own lives and trials has been the best advice of all, although it has taken time for me to put it into any context.