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Fostering

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Original poster

Our last week together, hand holding needed please

24 replies

Flower3545 · 09/10/2009 14:28

Title says it all really, lo meets her new family next week and will be gone, all being well, this time next week

She has been an absolute joy to care for and to say I'm going to miss her is the understatement of the year.

I can do this

I can do this

I can do this

OP posts:
TeamEdwardTango · 09/10/2009 14:35

Oh bless you Flower!
I am so sad that you will be sad, but think how happy that lo will be with her new family. Take comfort in the thought of the happy, stable home you have provided for.
I have nothing but respect for foster carers.

MamaG · 09/10/2009 14:38

I'll hold your hand flower. Just keep thinking about the joy her new parents will feel when they have her with them and the wonderful start you have given her xx

TeamEdwardTango · 09/10/2009 14:51

Are you planning anything for your last week together, or is it just life as normal?

Original poster
Flower3545 · 09/10/2009 14:51

Thank you both x

Her new family have waited a very long time and had so many disappointments their joy is wonderful, I can't help but feel happy for them while still feel sad for us if that makes sense.

She had such an awful start to her little life and to know that she is very much wanted now is a great comfort to me.

I've written her a letter telling her how much joy she brought us in her first months and I hope she can read it years from now and know she was loved.

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TeamEdwardTango · 09/10/2009 14:54

Oh Flower, you're making me cry.
You sound wonderful.
Isn't it such a shame that not every child bought into this world has a warm loving home?
I teach an adopted child and she has just been so mucked up. Makes me and all at the same time.

Original poster
Flower3545 · 09/10/2009 14:54

We are having a family weekend with our DD1 and grandson visiting, DD2 will be here on Sunday but Dh has to leave on Sunday for 3 weeks as he works away.

On Monday her new family arrive to begin introductions, although they have seen photo's Monday will be the first time they meet her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flower3545 · 14/10/2009 07:12

Quick update:

The introductions began, as planned, on Monday.
Only a couple of hours the first day then they were here all day yesterday.

It is going well and they are lovely people, still quite nervous but doing well. They are asking questions and taking notes all the time and I think they'll be fine.

Lo is taking it in her stride and is being very patient with them I would like to see her smile more but it is all happening very quickly for her.

Today I have to take her to their home and after settling her I have to leave her there until bedtime when they bring her back, I'm dreading it, I always hate this bit, feels a bit like I'm abandoning her, silly I know

It is going to be a very long day

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LoveMyGirls · 14/10/2009 07:15

Huge hugs, you can do this You are such an amazing person!

NormaStanleyFletcher · 14/10/2009 07:21

It is such a wonderful job you do Flower, but I guess this is the hard bit. You have done this before so you know you can. And thank God for people like you who do give these LOs a better start in life.

Original poster
Flower3545 · 14/10/2009 07:29

Thanks guys, I know I can do it, I've lost count of the times I have done it but wouldn't you think it would've gotten a tad easier by now?

She will be home tonight and tomorrow night then leaving on Friday, only 2 more nights

OP posts:
NormaStanleyFletcher · 14/10/2009 07:38

It does seem to happen awfully quickly.

Original poster
Flower3545 · 15/10/2009 18:04

Well this is it our last night together and I'm not doing well.

You know that look babies get, that trusting wide eyed melting look, well she keeps doing it and it's breaking my heart.

Her lovely new mum and dad have left early to let me have a couple of hours with her before bedtime which they didn't need to do and they brought flowers for me today.

They are coming for her at 9am tomorrow morning and I have to keep it together for them, but oh god this is tough.

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LoveMyGirls · 16/10/2009 07:17

Oh flower {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

HollyGoHeavily · 16/10/2009 07:26

Flower

I hope everything goes smoothly this morning, you sound like an amazing person.

The fact that LO is coping so well with everything is testament to the fact you have done an incredibly hard job very well.

Original poster
Flower3545 · 16/10/2009 09:21

She's just left I feel so empty

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CMOTdibbler · 16/10/2009 09:32

Oh Flower

You make such a difference for these babies, and for their 'forever' families, but it must break your heart each time.

HolidaysQueen · 16/10/2009 09:47

oh flower, huge hugs from me. i used to live next door to foster carers and became good friends with them. I remember them saying that part of you thinks it would be easier to try and stay a little detached so that your heart doesn't break when they go, but that you have to put that to one side and give everything to the foster child and love them as if they are with you forever so that they get to experience the love and security they need, and then just deal with the broken heart once they're gone. I saw it with them, and I can tell you do the same for your foster children. It's such a special gift you have given to this little girl - the chance to have a great life after a horrible start, and to understand what it feels like to be completely loved. i think you are amazing.

take care of yourself over the next few days and weeks,esp with DH away. Spoil yourself a little, it's an order

paddingtonbear1 · 16/10/2009 09:52

Flower and some from me too xx
will her new family keep in touch?

Original poster
Flower3545 · 16/10/2009 10:51

Thank you all, I have my grandson staying at the moment, he's 10 and, bless his heart, is busy telling me jokes to cheer me up.

Holidays, I tried that holding back thing some years ago, I thought I could spare myself some of what I'm feeling now. I lasted 3 days before I said "sod it I'm a grown up and this isn't fair on either of us" now I love them from the start and consider this part a price to be paid for the joy I've had.

I'm steeling myself to strip her cot at the moment but I keep putting it off

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NanaNina · 16/10/2009 10:54

Dear Flower - I have never fostered but am an ind social worker now after retiring (30 years with a l.a. in child protection, fostering and adoption) I now assess propsective foster carers and adoptors. You have had lots of lovely comments on MN and of course you will know that you have give this child the very best start in life. Is it possible to do anything better for a child - I thik not. Is this your first time of moving a baby on for adoption or is it this one is particularly poignant for you?

What about getting together with a few of your foster carer friends who have been inthe same boat and can talk about it all with people who know how it feels. No doubt there willbe more placements along soon to keep you busy and your mind occupied!

Having said that, be gentle with yourself and don't try to stifle your feelings - have a good cry and do whatever you need to do - it is a grieving process after all.

Original poster
Flower3545 · 16/10/2009 11:14

NanaNina, thank you, I have "moved on" many many babies and up until a few years ago older children too, in our 22 years as foster parents. It never gets easier, although I used to kid myself it would.

I have some very good foster carer friends but they all foster older children and they tell me it's not as difficult with for example, teenagers.

The best support I have is my family who know exactly what I go through and who are there for me when I need to talk or to simply hold my hand when I need that too.

I periodically attend courses in "helping children move on" and I have suggested on many occasion, that perhaps a course on helping foster carers to cope with moving them on would be a good thing to have. No luck so far though

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BaDaBing · 16/10/2009 11:25

Flower, you are an inspiration. I think its beautiful how much you clearly cared for your foster child. She is very very lucky to have had you in her life, and I have no doubt she will come back to thank you once she is old enough.

Original poster
Flower3545 · 17/10/2009 07:58

Thank you BaDa, new mum texted last night to say she'd been a bit grizzly but was now tucked up in her new cot with the blanket I'd made her, (I make all my lo's a blanket and very lightly spray some of my perfume on it before they leave) She promised to keep in touch too

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MrsHiggins · 08/11/2009 11:36

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