Fostering query

[Zakh]

Hi, I have got a spare double room at home. I am thinking about fostering two kids age 14 to 16. I have my own daughters age 8 and 14. Both me and hubby work full time.

I have not much knowledge about pros and cons. I would like people to share their experiences as it will help to decide.

There is a fostering board on here where you will get better responses. You can ask @mnhq (I think that’s it) to move the thread.

Hi, Thanks for your message. How can I access it. Whats the exact name as when I typed the name yiu me tion so many other things come up?

Hi. There’s so much to think about, especially with your own children at home and working full time.
I would start by contacting your local authority for an initial discussion - see where you go from there.
Is there anything you are looking to find out specifically?

If you only have one room you will only be able to foster one child. In specific circumstances can children share (young siblings can).

Full time work and 2 children at home. I would think twice about fostering teens. It's a lot of work.

A double bedroom won't fit two unrelated children. Young siblings mayby but as a rule foster children need their own room except very young babies.

Despite current advertising saying you can work full time its nigh on impossible. Meetings are scheduled to suit everyone else and the foster carer is an afterthought but expected to be available.

Teens (infact all foster children) are amazing but can be incredibly challenging and your own children will be exposed to information and issues that you may never have considered. It will give them incredible insight but you may also find they become resentful at their age of the disruption to their life and the fact you are pulled in many directions.

What about considering sleepover/respite care so you can get a flavour, sleepovers with either a regular matched child or with with different children will give you a better idea of how it works and the main carers will be so grateful for this bit of respite. Then maybe when your own children are a bit older you can do more mainstream full time care.

It is an amazing thing to do and there are rewarding times but the reality in my opinion is that full time work and your own children will burn you out pretty quickly.

@Zakh

I'd have to agree with pretty much everything @cheeseandhamtoastie said.
I don't want to come over as patronising but how much do you know about fostering and the children in care?
I hope you aren't falling for an advert which says all you need is love and a spare room.
Just looking at the time element with you both working full time. Off the top of my head you will have the following

• regular meetings with children's social workers
• regular meetings with your SW
• quarterly review meeting
• annual medical review for each child
• arrangements for family time
• mandatory training for you

I haven't mentioned school but is likely a lot of time could be spent with dealing with school issues. To give you an idea, I have fostered 3 teens
Teen 1 - with me for 11 months. 3 school suspensions, many meetings with school about behaviour
Teen 2 - with me for 6 months - out of school pretty much the whole time. Plus he absconded about 8 times from home resulting in full scale police searches. One day I had to call the police out 3 times
Teen 3 - with me for 7 months. First 6 weeks nice as pie, in school initially on reduced timetable and then he was in effect out of school ( he would return to school from suspension and would be suspended again before lunch)
Of course not all fostered kids have behavioural issues, and I can say lots of nice things about all 3 of mine. I was devasted when number 1 left, I really loved that kid.
But the fact remains they were all incredibly challenging, teenage years can be fraught with difficulty in the most average families.

If you have no experience of fostered children, I certainly wouldn't start with teens and absolutely not two.
I waited till my son was 18, he was fully on board, and I would stress that he is adopted, has siblings in care, and has been around adopted and fostered children all his life.
Even so, and despite being away at uni, he has found it very difficult.
If you have spoken to your children about this and they say they are on board, think again. Unless they have been around fostering families, they really haven't a clue.
If you do foster, the expectation is that the fostered children come first - and that could be over and above your own children.
Fostering can be a wonderful thing, but it can take more from you than you imagine.

Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend fostering teenagers when you already have children of your own around that age. My parents have fostered for years and, although they’ve had some lovely teenagers who we still keep in contact with, there is one child they took in when he was young (11) who has completely put me off fostering. It has also left me with very little trust in social services when it comes to keeping everyone safe.
He has been incredibly violent, aggressive and manipulative and has caused so much damage to our family and our property.
He was left in my parents care for over four years, and the whole situation has been absolute hell!! It has cost my parents their relationship with me and another sibling, as well as their relationship with their grandchildren. I’ve recently gone low contact with them because they have chosen to continue having contact with this violent young person.
My other siblings absolutely dread him too and worry that he could seriously hurt my parents, or worse. His behaviour has been so extreme that he has been moved on from placements because of his violence, aggression and possessive behaviour, and it seems that no service has been able to manage him long term.
It’s honestly been one of the most traumatic experiences our family has been through, and it has completely changed how I feel about fostering.