Considering fostering but I need to figure out if it is finally feasible

[Tuzuno]

Hello there, I'm new here. As the title says, I'm looking for some very honest and straightforward opinion as I need to figure out if my family can financially thrive if I start fostering.
FIY - I want to do it for the right reasons but if I have to sacrifice my son's needs in the process I might have to give up on the idea.
My circumstances are:

1. My son is 2y7m old and considering our 0 exp with fostering we probably will opt in for very young children/babies so the I have been told £133pw is my allowance and then children support is £154pw
2. I have POTS which sadly made me very unwell antenatal and postpartum to the point I am currently on ESA £280 every week(in the process of applying for PIP) I am starting to recover and am thinking for what I want to do for a living and fostering has always been something I wanted to do so I'm exploring the possibility. Also, would my ESA stop if I start fostering?
3. My partner is full time employed and earns £2500pm, we are frugal but with inflation we've used £1800 overdraft as what I get as benefits barely cover our food bill. We are not rushing for me to get back to work as health is more important than anything and money comes and go but eventually I will go back unless knowing fostering can elevate some of that financial burden I might have to look for work.
4. We are in Yorkshire if that is relevant

I know asking that question might make me sound horrible but my son is my priority and I need to know beforehand, so my question here is - would this put more financial strain on us than actually improving our financial situation while we try and help some unfortunately souls along the way?
I am just so split between always wanting to do it and help but at the same time I'm just worried that it will get us in more debt.

Thank you all in advance!

If you foster the foster child will have to become your priority. Facilitating contact, often several
tines a week. Meetings etc.

Yes you will have to put your foster children first, you don't sound like your in great shape either which isn't ideal.
I would come back to this idea when your son is much older and you have your condition under control.

I really don’t your situation is right for this right now op, and it’s not for financial reasons. Your little boy is currently little more than a baby, most people would be hesitating to have their second own baby right now, especially when your mental health is still recovering. Also pp are right to mention contact visits, they tend to be very often and sometimes quite short with babies, and you have no idea where it’ll be. When I was in care in a home with a baby, we had a daily 2 hour and 45 minute round trip with an hour and a half wait in a hospital canteen/playground for a few months once. Would you be happy with that for your 2yo?

You should actually look at local agencies and your LA, they will have info packs/evenings for prospective foster carers, they are always in search of carers so they will give out this info. There is also no commitment from just asking about it, they are aware a lot of people look into it and ultimately decide not to.

Obviously you also want to get the real life experience of actual foster carers too, but questions like the age of child you'd be approved to foster (I am not 100% but I think it is unlikely you'd be approved to foster children so close in age to your own LO), whether you'd be able to work and the financial side can absolutely be answered by the agencies/LA.

Lastly I realise this is a completely different career direction but if you are looking for work you can do around your son involving childcare have you thought about registering/training as a childminder?

Also as nicely as possible, you’ve only put a fraction of your situation on here, and just from this I’d find it unbelievable likely that you’d even be approved

If you are unwell enough to claim sickness benefits, you are not well enough to foster. When I fostered, a doctor's note was required to confirm fitness, it was it was physically and mentally exhausting and I was fit and well.

You might want to look at some budgeting courses as well if spending £280 benefit on food a week. That might help you feel more in control of finances and ease the immediate pressure a bit. It's possible to do respite care/ short breaks where it's just weekends but might be better to wait till your baby is a bit older and you have been able to work on your fitness etc if you have been unwell.

Doesn't sound like you are well enough to take on fostering responsibilities if you need help with day to day living.

It’s the most stressful thing I ever did, and ruined my health. Your health is already poor. It isn’t feasible.

My childminder was a foster carer too. Short term and respite, under fives. They had three teenagers of their own. It gave me an insight into the role.

It is very demanding emotionally.

They fostered babies for respite, but often there was contact needed with the baby’s teenage mum, something they hadn't expected and often stressful. Mum not turning up, mum not in agreed contact, mum MIA, mum not bringing the agreed clothing and equipment, mum turning up under the influence…

They fostered a toddler, who had a history of abuse. Very regular meetings with social workers, the child’s siblings and their foster families. Appointments with psychologist and play therapy sessions. Supervised visits to the child’s mum (abusive parent). Strong role to plan and play, between each foster parent, to support the child to build effective and safe relationships with adults (especially females).

Another child, aged four, short-term foster placement, which eventually ended after 32 months! This child holidayed with the family, Christmas, birthdays, a full part of family life. An adoptive parent was found for this child ( great news), but one meeting with the child and prospective parent, one transition visit by the child to the adoptive parent…and gone. They were heartbroken. They stopped fostering at this point.

This couple had previous experience in their own families growing up of fostering and one of them was a police officer, so the stress and trauma are familiar.

I'm not sure if you are emotionally strong enough ( you would need to decide that) as would those carrying out your assessments.

It is a really worthy thing to do, but certainly not for money. Start the journey, find out more and make an informed decision regarding being able to carry out this role and to find out if you will be approved.

I’ve just been through the assessment to foster my gc and the process is really intrusive and they literally analyse everything. Your finances and health would be a big thing to them . They go to your doctors for your health records too and they get your doctor to answer all about your history .
it’s really not an easy process . I would think very hard about if you want to bring social services into your own kids lives too .

If you are well enough to foster then I strongly doubt you would be unwell or disabled enough for esa as it’s an out of work benefit (pip is different as it’s available to support additional cost however if you have these additional support needs I doubt you will be assessed as suitable to be a foster carer except in specific circumstances). The fact you are mentioning money also makes me think this is more about income than the child.

as you still have a small child, when you are well enough I would suggest looking for work in respite care centres or as a care assistant in residential homes to get experience of caring for looked after children, but without bringing them into your home

Wow judgemental much! I guess the hint of making sure that financially I would be able to take care of my family and a child in need before I commit is not a hint?! Any other aspects of taking care of children in need I have considered and am discussing with LA but before I waste their valuable resources that can be allocated appropriate of exploring this further, I am trying to figure out if I can actually do this on every aspect! I am not doing it for the money as I will be sacrificing career in finance for this and it is more beneficial for me to just go back to working the same instead of fostering. It's absolutely beyond me how you could just judge so harshly without even asking one single question to see if you've misunderstood me...

Thank you, this is valuable

I grew up in tough circumstances and endured a lot of physical and mental abuse. I've been in therapy for years and I've always wanted to help but I was never in the right circumstances - life has always had a way to bring me back to my knees and right now it's the easiest I've had it.
I am not as worse off as I sounded in my original post as we would be finishing our car finance by next Feb so that's £280 off our budget and I do have a pot for rainy days that equals of £3k but as someone who's worked in finance I don't keep all my eggs in one basket but it still worries me because I know how expensive having a child is if I am to provide the same care as I am to my son - toys, classes, clothes, events, activities. Honestly, I have an idea what's what but I just wanted more insight. I'm fully aware of how emotionally taxing it would be but I was not given a very clear information from my local fostering of how finances will work.

Having previously worked in the fostering service I would suspect that you may be advised against it at the moment as your own child is so young and you have significant health issues yourself.As you quite rightly say, your own child is your priority and that balance can also be a challenge.
Fostering is rewarding, but is very hard work both emotionally and physically. A small baby will have a lot of birth family contact etc and you will be required to attend regular reviews and meetings with social services. This will obviously impact your own child’s need for care , hence why many people wait until their children are older, school age for instance.
It’s really positive that you are interested though as foster carers are desperately needed and I am sure your local fostering recruitment team would be happy to talk through the process with you to help you to decide whether now is the right time for you and your family. Good luck whatever you decide.

No way would you be approved. You have additional difficulties and a young child. You clearly just want to foster to get extra income.

@minnienono Sorry didn't mean to quote yiu 🤣 I agree with you. Of course.

You are not in the right circumstances for fostering as kindly as I can say I don’t think you are being realistic and yes, you would lose ESA if you are earning through fostering. ESA is an unemployment benefit. PIP is not affected.

I really don’t think this is the right time for your family. Your son is very young which will limit the ages of children you will be able to foster. I don’t think a baby needing 5 times a week contact with birth family is going to work.

The impact of an older child could be really tough on him.

I don’t know a huge amount about POTS but I wonder if that could affect whether you are approved.

Financially, you need to be able to manage without the money because no matter how in demand carers are, there will always be times you don’t have a child with you.

Update for all of those that jumped the gun and made assumptions:

1. I never said I will be staying on the benefits forever, I am continuously getting better hence I started planning ahead when I get better.
2. How my disability works, I have already taken into consideration of how it will impact me between finding an actual job and looking after a child and am trying to discuss it with appropriate people
3. My financial situation is not as bad - that overdraft was accrued in very Extenuating circumstances and at the time we decided to not touch our rainy days pot as we do not pay any interest on the overdraft and we are repaying it + our car payments will finish soon. However, I know how expensive children can be to meet all their needs and knowing how much we spend on our son, I will not be treating any foster child any differently so taking into consideration I will probably lose the ESA + the extra head to look after, I'm not sure if what they pay will cover the child's costs! But you know, sometimes an extra commitment might be what breaks the camels back so I don't want to put ourselves or a child in a situation where I create more uncertainty!
4. I AM NOT LOOKING TO FOSTER FOR THE MONEY! I will so much better off returning to my career even part time than becoming a fosterer so whoever says I'm doing it as monetary gain - have you seen what they pay?! I'm more worried about us looking after an additional child if I forfeit my income as since I'm getting better I can potentially go back to work soon!
5. I already had the initial assessment but was left with more questions than answers about the financial side and was told to speak with different entities to find out about it all and I simply reached out to see if I can get more accurate picture on the internet but I forgot how the 'internet' is....
6. I only was looking for financial insights on people with experience with fostering children hence I was so vague on my circumstances. While I have the love and compassion to look after children in need in my home, I will still view this as a job, just as do live in nurses do for adults with need, or people working in hospice. Especially after speaking to my local fostering and they have said 'i will not assume the role of parents and any legal and wellbeing decisions will be made by the social worker' it has made it clear to me that my job as a foster is to give a safe and loving place for children until they get to their forever homes as as any job, payment is required, but again the £133 PW is so miniscule I'm pretty sure is not even the minimum wage in UK so whoever even says, I'm looking at it for financial gain, check your facts as my daily rate was more than the weekly payment for a fosters.

For those who actually offered a constructive opinion rather than judgement, I am grateful - thank you! I don't think I will be posting any further responses and I guess with take the slow road and figure things out with the respective authorities/agents before I make a commitment.

I AM NOT LOOKING TO FOSTER FOR THE MONEY!

You might want to re-read your OP then, because that's all you could talk about until your mention of helping some unfortunately souls along the way as a foot note.

Thank you. I will be discussing this with my GP anyways as I am aware I need to be certified before I can foster children.
I am more concerned if the money provided will be sufficient to look after the child I would foster as I will not have the financial capacity to supplement for their expenses. The ESA has been just a little help to let us breath until I'm well enough to go back to work. The overdraft will most likely be paid off before I foster a child (takes over 6 months before a placement apparently) but I don't know if it will set set us back in overdraft or if will be enough to keep us in the 'green'. I simply don't know what to expect financially wise.