I know there are some people who think foster carers should take often severely traumatised children into their homes out of the goodness of their hearts and receive no money for doing so. Personally I think we do a very important job and should be paid accordingly.
That said, the first thing you should know is that some SWs talk a lot of crap. You can never think of being a foster carer as a job. It becomes your whole life.
Your biggest priority at the moment is understandably your own child. But to be a good foster carer the foster child’s needs have to come first. So you’re not going to be able to prioritise your child. Which at his age is not fair to him.
I fostered ‘the wrong way round’ in that I fostered two children and then unexpectedly got pregnant so, as they are a long term placement, my child has grown up with older siblings. I felt awful when she was a baby having to force her, screaming into the pram so I could take them to school. Having to put her into childcare so that I could attend meetings or training courses. And 8 years later my now 16 year old foster son is still so jealous of her, despite me doing my best not to show favouritism, that I can’t leave them in a room alone together as he’ll start being verbally mean to her or throwing her toys around etc.
Recently I’ve started fostering younger children. We had a two year old emergency placement for 4 days. He was at the level of about an 18 month old, so the age you might be asked to foster. I could not sit down for a minute when in the house as he was constantly climbing on the windowsills, into everything, couldn’t play etc. He also bit my daughter hard within the first half an hour so she was a bit scared of him after that. What will you do if a foster child bites your toddler and your toddler is crying and wants you to cuddle him but the foster child is also screaming and throwing toys at the TV?
We now have a foster baby. And it is lovely. But again my 8 year old has to come second a lot of the time. And I don’t think it’s harming her but I am feeling guilty. After the baby moves on we won’t be getting another placement until the older two have moved on. And actually I’m considering stopping at that point.
The baby has family time 5 times a week for 1.5 hours. The sessions are near the parents’ home which is half an hour’s drive from us. So the family time takes 2.5 hours out of each day. Fortunately the baby is picked up and dropped off 4 days out of 5 but there’s no guarantee that that would be the case with a different child and in my authority the expectation is that when you accept the child you accept them agreeing that you will take them to and from family time, and potentially supervise it as well. And birth children are generally not allowed with you at family times. There’s a contact centre in our area that if the family time is there you are not even allowed to have a birth child with you to hand over the foster child at the door.
There are also regular care planning meetings to attend. Visits from your SW. Visits from the child’s social worker. Training courses. Support groups. Medicals for the foster child. None of which you can take your birth child to. Well you can have your child around when Social Workers come over but it’s easier to talk when they’re not.
Your life will be taken over by the foster child but, in my experience, arrangements can change at the drop of a hat, meetings change on a minute’s notice, you won’t know how long you’ll have the child for as dates will change and court hearings etc will be delayed. So it will be very hard to make plans for your own child. You probably won’t get any say in when family time will be during the day so any classes you might take your child to at that time will have to be cancelled.
Birth parents or social workers might make a massive deal out of small incidents. My foster baby gave herself a small scratch from her own finger nail and I got a phone call about it and it was the focus of my next visit from the social worker. So if your toddler hurts the baby, by accident or on purpose, it will be made into a big deal and you will forever feel on tenterhooks when they’re near each other.