Considering fostering but I need to figure out if it is finally feasible

[Tuzuno]

Hello there, I'm new here. As the title says, I'm looking for some very honest and straightforward opinion as I need to figure out if my family can financially thrive if I start fostering.
FIY - I want to do it for the right reasons but if I have to sacrifice my son's needs in the process I might have to give up on the idea.
My circumstances are:

1. My son is 2y7m old and considering our 0 exp with fostering we probably will opt in for very young children/babies so the I have been told £133pw is my allowance and then children support is £154pw
2. I have POTS which sadly made me very unwell antenatal and postpartum to the point I am currently on ESA £280 every week(in the process of applying for PIP) I am starting to recover and am thinking for what I want to do for a living and fostering has always been something I wanted to do so I'm exploring the possibility. Also, would my ESA stop if I start fostering?
3. My partner is full time employed and earns £2500pm, we are frugal but with inflation we've used £1800 overdraft as what I get as benefits barely cover our food bill. We are not rushing for me to get back to work as health is more important than anything and money comes and go but eventually I will go back unless knowing fostering can elevate some of that financial burden I might have to look for work.
4. We are in Yorkshire if that is relevant

I know asking that question might make me sound horrible but my son is my priority and I need to know beforehand, so my question here is - would this put more financial strain on us than actually improving our financial situation while we try and help some unfortunately souls along the way?
I am just so split between always wanting to do it and help but at the same time I'm just worried that it will get us in more debt.

Thank you all in advance!

Thank you! This was helpful.

I've already had my 1st assessment and they are pretty certain we will be approved but sadly, she's just given me contact info to speak to different places in regards to my ESA and the financial side of it. I was left with more questions than answers tbh 😞

Thank you, fully aware of that aspect and in the process of discussing it with my health team. I will not be committing to taking a foster child before I am well enough to do so. My query was completely on the financial side.

My SIL fostered. Had two grown up kids, tons of experience working with children. It damn near broke her.
Sorry but this sounds like a terrible idea.

Thank you, that's very informative. I've already had my 1st visit and the lady seemed quite keen to start me on the process and has very strong recommendation to foster 0-2 even though I wanted older children as I think an older child will be a better fit in our family. I've got a lot of information on the emotional side and the process but she couldn't really answer my financial questions as I do not see the child allowance as part of our income and that it's solely to spend on the child but I wouldn't have a clue of how to incorporate it fairly as some of it will be food and utilities so I was left wondering of how it will affect us financially. Physically, I had very difficult postpartum as my own child had health issues so I'm fully aware of how rough that can be and we are currently discussing it with my partner of what we are willing to take on but since I had no answers on the financial side I thought to see if anyone can offer me some but so far people have focused on the fact I've got disability (and if I may correct you with the hope of not sounding rude, it's not significant, hence I receive very miniscule benefit support that can barely cover 2 weeks of heathy shopping) and ESA and apparently that on its own and wanting to foster is an indication I'm an awful money grabbing person 😞 honestly, reaching out on here (recommended by someone I know) has actually made me feel worse in myself than getting helpful input so I am grateful to your comment that was constructive and I could take some points away while we discuss it more but the more details I find out the more beneficial for me and my family would be to just go back to my old career 🤷🏻‍♀️ it just has made me sad as all I wanted to do is help (I had a very heartbreaking meeting with a child in foster care 2 years ago, same age as my son and it has haunted me ever since and I can't stop thinking about this little boy)!

@Tuzuno

Hi
Im a foster carer. I did not read your initial post as implying you were after easy money.
People should remember that at the end of the day being a foster carer is a job. Many of us could earn more doing something else.
It is therefore not unreasonable to consider if its something you can actually afford to do. It was absolutely a vital consideration for me and so I waited unti my son had some financial independence and had paid my mortgage off.
As you have discovered, foster care is not exactly well paid. In addition to those weekly fees you do get some additional payments at Christmas and I think at birthdays.
Having said all that, I don't think this is the right time for you. There is your own health to consider which you understand.
Your son is very young and as others have set out, he will be very much second in the queue as far as social workers are concerned.
Family time for babies and toddlers can be very time consuming, it may not be at a time convenient for you and your son. Often even very young children are very distressed by seeing their parents.
Fostered babies can also be extremely demanding as there will inevitably be some trauma.
Older children may be jealous of your son. I've recently had a profile for a child whose current placement is breaking down because the FC has a baby and a toddler and she doesn't like the FC giving them attention.
Remember that SWs aren't thinking about your son. They want another FC on their books.
It sounds like you have a lot to offer fostering but I really would wait until your son is much older. And honestly there are far easier ways to earn money.

I would only ever foster if I didn’t have my own dc. A friend of mine did it and she had 2 dc aged 3 and 5, the child she fostered was 7. Within 6months the child was gone and she was left with two dc who had been sexually abused by the 7yr old whilst in her care. They had a den down the garden that the would play in and it happened there mainly. She has never ever forgiven herself. I know that’s an extreme situation and it’s not the 7yr olds fault (it’s all he knew!). Very, very sad and traumatic situation.

So much misinformation!

Foster carers deserve to be paid for their time and effort given to caring for children who have all been traumatised. The payment consists of an allowance to cover the costs of the child - I currently get £179 per week for a 1 year old - it goes higher as the child gets older. That is supposed to cover ALL costs - housing, clothing, food, travel etc. I then get a fee of £162 for me - 96p an hour! We work 24/7 - so yes, money needs to be spoken about. We are self employed so no holiday or sick pay

Fostering money is disreguarded for benefits so ESA and UC can still be claimed. Most foster carers don't pay tax due special rules - basically, a generous extra allowance. People who care for large sibling groups might have to pay tax

OP, in your situation I might wait as your child is still very young but I do know foster carers who have young children who make it work. You will need a medical so your health might be an issue

Babies who are fostered do have a lot of contact so you need to think how that would work around your dc but again, I have fostered unrelated toddlers so would use the time to go for walk, park or shopping so it isnt always difficult

Fostering is intrusive, you need to be prepared for many people in your house - your supervising social worker, childs social worker, reviewing officer, health visitor etc

The country is in desperate need for foster carers so it's great to hear you are looking into it. Please go to your local authority and not an agency - they take money from the LA and although they promise higher renumeration, they don't offer some of the extras that the LA give (extra birthday allowances, holiday allowances etc) All children come into carer through the LA so they always try to place children locally first - LA carers are rarely have empty beds but agency one do

I love what I do! to care for children in need, to help them heal and to grow, to encourage their family ties and heritage, to support them to move on to birth family or adoptive family. It's hard but very rewarding

Feel free to message if you have any questions, happy to answer honestly

Thank you so much! Honestly, I was tearing reading all these comments literally going after me as if I'm trying to get a quick and easy money so you comment is so appreciated! It's so poorly paid I am genuinely worried if we will be able to cover all the child's needs and I would not be looking after them any differently to my own child! Veggie and fruit nowadays cost £50pw on its own! All the toys and activities that a child requires is also expensive! Honestly, last year I had some very heartbreaking experience with a child same age as my son that haunted me to this day and I keep thinking about it. I am getting better and we started talking about me going back to work so the fact I always wanted to foster made me look into it as a career option. I am just trying to figure it out but considering I will be trading £150 daily rate to £133pw I'm most certainly not looking to do it for the money!

We are still talking about emotional aspects and how demanding it will be with also how it will affect our son. The social worker seems to think younger child will be better fit than an older one which I was more inclined to. I also only today I found out about the 5 visit per week for young children. Tbh, it didn't feel right with this agent as it just left me with more questions about the financial side of it (like I asked how do you allocate the child allowance, do you put money in savings account for them, pocket money, how do I allocate towards utilities and food etc and she just deflected that a little) plus the fact that she was insistent on having a baby foster that requires for me to be available non stop for meetings instead of school age child so I can potentially work part time too has really left me wondering about it all.

Anyways, since you took the time to be kind and respond with so many more things I will be discussing with my partner, I will share with you that it doesn't look like it would be the right time to get into fostering right now as taking into consideration that my son is so young and having a baby will leave me very little time with him/older child the social worker said would not be a good role model as they have very destructive behaviours and then with the financial uncertainty it just doesn't seem to be the right time anymore... Health wise, I would have never agreed to a placement until I knew I was well enough to do that anyway, my question about the ESA was solely because I found very contradictory information online.

Again, thank you very much, I needed to read a comment like yours before I felt completely as a shitty person. I will probably revise fostering in a few years again.

My gut feeling is it’s not a good time for you and I work in fostering recruitment. Although I’d need a lot more information to make a judgement . Finance wise you can still get benefits when you foster but it is dependent on individual circumstances so I can see why you were told to speak directly about these with the department that is providing this.

one major consideration is that you only get a fostering allowance when a child is in your care. There are no guarantees you will have back to back children placed with you and no gaps.

generally the younger the child more frequent the contact . Do you think you can manage 3 or 4 times a week taking a small child for family time as well as meetings with professionals, social worker visits , training and care for a foster child and meeting the needs of your own child when your health is not 100% . Happy for you to message if you have specific questions .

Allocation of fees - basically it comes in as a wage. My LA has guidelines of:
£17.50 pw on clothes, £12.50 on travel, £17.50 on activities, £5 pocket money - saved for under 5's - £5 savings taken at source, the remainder goes into the household. Social workers will ask how you are spending the money but in my experience, they have been realistic and have allowed flexibilty, ie I buy clothes each season/ as they grow, not weekly.

You obviously have a strong desire to make a difference to children who are in unfortunate situations, which is admirable. But speaking as someone with a good friend who has fostered children of all ages for years (plus 4 of her own) and having an adult daughter who has had POTS since childhood, fostering and POTS look like a tricky combination to me. Fostering is really demanding often physically as well as emotionally. And even if you get your POTS very well controlled as my daughter did it does typically flare up, especially if stressed and tired. Realistically getting yourself financially secure by getting back to your career and then maybe finding another way to help disadvantaged children might be more achievable and sustainable. Good luck with it all.

Omg, thank you! I actually started feeling awful for even asking about money. I would be trading £150pd for £133pw so it's a massive decision not going back to my current career... I would also never undercut the foster child's needs to cover my household bills so in my head the child allowance is only for the child and I simply don't understand how I will manage that with the £133pw!
Some of the comments made me feel like I'm greedy and awful human being but even the SW (I've already been in touch with LA and had our first meeting but I'm simply not getting straightforward answers I need to make a fully informed decision) has said that we are not taking the responsibility as a parents but providing professional and safe environment of care for a child until their forever home is decided on + how it was described online it sounded as a job/career. In my head it's the same as social workers, nursing, teaching and any other jobs that require a lot of love and care but with more complexity to it. We would absolutely love the child we foster and we would be heartbroken and grieving once they move back with their family or get adopted so we have already been discussing this extensively before we even reached out as we needed to be sure we can handle that heartbreak.
I've been talking with my health team and I am on the right path on recovery, I know it's a disability I need to live with forever but its not something that has prevented me from living normally and working! I worked a day before I had to be rushed in for my C-section with my son but I had complications that affected my overall health and it took me almost 2 years before I could start planning returning back to work but I when I was on maternity I witnessed a heartbreaking event with a foster boy same age as my son that has haunted me to this day that made me look into fostering. I simply wanted to help another child like this boy but before I could say, ok let's do it I need to know if I can emotionally (discussing with SW and reached out to my old therapist), physically (already talking with my GP and family about it) and financially which I don't seem to be able to get good insights on that so I can weight the ups and downs of it.

Anyways, I have been swaying towards of giving up on fostering as the implications it might bring to my son and the uncertainty of the financial side right now and just be 'selfish' and go back to my old job. I might look to revisit it in few years again.
Again, thank you for your kind honesty, it's appreciated!

This is actually super helpful! I can do a sample budget to figure out if we can manage it well on different age groups. Thank you very much!

Hi, it's a lovely, lovely thing to do. My dad is a social worker for Barnardos. Do you have experience of children other than your own? I work in a secondary school with really high tariff kids and it takes so much emotional capacity. I wondered if registering as a childminder would be beneficial? Just in the mean time you could choose your hours and build up your skills and it would give you time to build up to the full capacity of fostering with your health? Our local authority is absolutely on its knees begging folk to foster. But it's not well paid in my opinion. I hope you find your path. X

I am aware of how up and down Pots can be. I've gone from heavily medicated to no medication at all, waited 8y before I was brave enough to have my own child because of it to only get other complications because of pots - gestational diabetes that was uncontrollable and the amount of insulin injections left me blue and black, urgent C-section, baby breastfeeding problems that caused me to get sepsis which made my recovery so much longer as my body was so ravaged physically my pots left me exhausted to the point of extreme pain. Up until few months ago, I had to take cocodamol for the debilitating pain but I'm getting better now and if I can get as well as I used to be before getting pregnant I know I can tackle fostering physically and emotionally but I'm not there yet. Any decision I have taken it's always been one that I've sat on for ages and gathered as much information as I can to consider before I commit. So far most of it has been focused my my health but that's not the only aspect I need to think about - the financial side is super important too but no one has been able (SW or LA) to give me straightforward answers, hence I reached out here. Thank you for offering your opinion, it is appreciated, and tbh, I've got more reasons to not go ahead with it than to do it. My one and only desire driving me to keep thinking about it that memory of that little boy clinging onto me refusing to go to his foster carer and her laughing saying 'he doesn't like me very much' as if it was funny! Tbh my heart says one thing while my head says another 😞 this has been the topic in our home for few weeks now and I'm just struggling to figure out what's best...

I waited until my own DC were late teens before I fostered and it has worked out well. Foster DC are often very demanding due to the adverse childhood experiences they have endured. Many DC in care also have ASD or ADHD or other disabilities, so not the easiest DC to care for. I foster through an agency as I care for DC with moderate learning disabilities and I get paid about £489 per week for a teen. From that you buy all clothing, pay for all activities, school lunches £25 per week, any school trips, things like suits for attending the prom, phone Sims, pocket money £12.50 per week, haircuts. Trips out to bowling, cinema and theme parks etc. I also save £10 PW for him into his bank account. He comes on holidays with us including overseas which we pay for too. Child minders earn a lot more for less hours.

Im not sure what you are querying OP, you say the finances are vague ion terms of the detail you were given from your local fostering area, but you quote the amounts in the OP. They are the amounts

You say you hope to be going back to work at some point soon, how will you do that with a fostered baby/toddler?

How will you manage the contacts, for babies, they are often every day, for toddlers several times a week. Proceedings can go on way over the 26 weeks, soemtimes for a couple of years without certainty. Young children come with possible withdrawal issues and certainly attachment issues so you need to be consistent and reliable not working part time.

If you decide later that youj might be able to take teens or older children in to facilitate your work, how will you manage the meetings, supervision, support groups, training etc and how will the needs of older children (who are often very damaged) impact on your own child?

@Tuzuno
Just on how you 'allocate' the child element.
I've only been fostering for 18 months but I've never been asked how I spend the money specifically.

I dont think its practical to break it down to x £s a week for this and x for that. Some weeks I might spend the lot on a new coat and pair of shoes, the next nothing on clothes but a lot on activities.
Its just a pot of money to support the child as you see fit.
You do also have to take into account that you might have times without a child so therefore no pay. Its four months since I had a child, partly my own choice but I has a very challenging 11year old and needed some recovery time.
On the other hand as an FC you are also entitled to things like Blue Light cards which can be very helpful to your overall budget. Ive been able to take my kids to activities or get them things which I wouldn't have done without the discount.
My last child loved a trip to Zizzi for example, I was able to take him because the Blue Light card cut my bill by a third.
I also got a discount on a Family and Friends railcard which has been very significant for me.
The £138 is also the initial fee for new FCs. In my LA it goes up to £168 when you are experienced. Im not sure how long that takes ( I foster teens under a special scheme on a very different fee structure)
You can also foster with independent agencies who I think pay more. But that brings issues about gaps in placements but certainly worth looking at.
You will always get people who think that foster carers can live on fresh air and you should do it for love of the kids. Love of the kids doesn't put food on the table so don't feel bad about thinking about the financial aspects.

I will correct one misunderstanding here, I was ready to 'swap' (for the lack of better word) my current career with career in fostering. I was unwell to be signed off work but I'm getting better so I'm starting to plan ahead when I am well enough to return to work and I view fostering as a different type of career path/work.

The rest, I am already considering it and me and my partner are discussing all the possibilities and if we have the skills to tackle me + looking to see what training/support we can receive for children that require it.

Thank you, that's helpful, I usually work in accounting and allocating the pennies is my job (I know by my original post is seems worse than what it is but in reality the overdraft is leveraged by our emergency cash so we are not in debt perse). I've got very strict budgets we obliged to hence we've managed to live on 1 income fos as long as we have without affecting our previous financial commitments before I got so unwell and couldn't go back to work (I've only had ESA for 4 months anyway). I've got a lot to think about before I can decide but I'm more inclined to wait until my son is older as it seems to be the most frequented advice I've received so far. Thank you, again!

Look at Shared Lives instead. Like fostering but with adults. My local authority area, the pay is £1900 a month with tax exemption

I would really consider childminding if you enjoy caring for young children. Especially if you are willing and able to care for children with SEN or disabilities as parents often find it more difficult to find childcare for those children.

You can earn well with childminding and it will be good experience of caring for multiple young children at once and how it works with prioritising other children's needs over your son's.

Kindly but based on the circumstances you've shared you wouldn't get approved at this point so in a sense the amount you would get paid is moot.

Thank you so much! I might take you up on your offer but right now I just need to sit down and digest all the information from previous comments. I am inclined to agree with your gut feeling, after my meeting today with the SW and receiving a lot more information, there were variables I didn't consider when I originally thought about it.

My main concern is if we can financially manage when we have the foster child, not when I don't have a placement. I sacrifice a lot for my own son and he gets a lot, not high end things but whenever he asks for a toy, I usually get it for him, he grows so quickly so clothing is in constant rotation, we do a lot of outings and classes which are all paid and some places are expensive. Healthy food is expensive! My son eats so much fruit and veggies my bill just for him is £50pw! Just 3 days ago we went strawberry picking and got two massive tubs of strawberries for £17 out of which I have only barely any left now after making dessert, smoothies, ice lollies and some jam. And I will never treat my foster care differently to my son so honestly, I don't know how far £170 PW (rounding) will go to take care of a child as I never sat down to work out how much my son costs me per week.
I don't even know if I make sense anymore, I think I need to sit down and digest all information but as I said I might have to wait until my son is old enough so I don't have to worry about all of it as much. Thank you very much!