The Basics - What to buy a child who turns up with not much

[potenial]

Hi Folks,

I know each child will be different depending on age, interests etc, but I was wondering if anyone has a list (with quantities) of what they buy a child who turns up with just what they're wearing, or with very little, immediately (or very soon after arrival)?
This might be an amount you 'top them up to', so for example, if a child turns up with 3 tops, do you buy them more up to top up to a certain number? Or are there things you make sure they get within a certain amount of time with you?

Thanks!

I did this once . Start with basics . So underwear , socks , trainers or shoes , nice pajamas which are so important as many if these kids have never had any . A decent jacket.They may want to keep their own clothes so I washed and kept separately. Again some kids have never had brand new things . Don't buy too much though as maybe going to choose their own would provide a nice bonding experience.

that's great thanks! Did you have specific quantities in mind for stuff? I feel like I'm unsure about how much of each item is standard/ would be needed!

I recommend a nice sports bag or something- maybe a ruck sack? Some many kids turn up with everything in a bin bag. 😢

As well as clothes, obviously!

For quantities I’d think of a week. 7 undies, 7 pairs of socks, 2 c pjs, depending on the season 2 x trousers, 3 x ls tees, 2 x short sleeve, 2 x jumpers… coat, and a bag. Slippers, beanie scarf, oodie etc if you çan stretch

I would get a multi pack of 7 pants, 7 socks, 3 pairs pyjamas, 3 leggings/joggers, 3 t shirts, and a couple of jumpers initially (and a coat if still cold). M Lots of children don’t wear the size clothing for their age, so maybe get say 2-3 and 3-4 for example. Shoes can be tricky, as the size they are wearing currently may not be correct, so if you can get a foot sizer online then you can measure them at home once they are settled.

Unpack them, don’t leave them in packets - pop them in drawers to make it feel less clinical.

Then top up once you know what fits and works. Many children (even older children) have accidents during the day and night due to trauma, so you may need more if this is the case. Ask the social worker, and be prepared so there is no embarrassment or rushing around to find spare.

If you can ask the social worker, try and find out favourite colours and characters or themes (eg Bluey, unicorns). New bag is such an important idea. Clothing aside, also try to have some of their favourite snacks or foods in if possible - no matter what this is or how healthy or unhealthy it is.

Children going into foster care may be overwhelmed by too many new and unfamiliar things.

They also may wish to keep wearing whatever they arrive in, or what they bring - even if too small/worn. It’s familiar, and theirs. They may bring teddies, toys, or blankets which need a good clean, but don’t push this. Again, it’s familiar and theirs. I remember sitting with a toddler whose Mum had gone AWOL from an appointment and left her, waiting for a social worker to collect her. She had a blanket and doll which were filthy and stank of stale smoke and grease, but she was attached to them and wouldn’t let them out of her sight for weeks after she went into foster care.

I hope all goes smoothly.

Does your local authority or agency have a minimum clothing list to work from.

This is helpful

https://applefostering.co.uk/what-to-expect-the-first-week-with-a-foster-child/

A toiletry bag with soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, flannel / sponge shampoo and body wash.

Pyjamas or something that can be used as pyjamas e.g. joggers and T shirt.

Nice bright bedding so it isn't too babyish for a teen and still bright for a younger child.

A nightlight. Or a bedside light that can be dimmed.

I think a soft toy could be useful.

School uniform - I know that is not something you can plan ahead but most primary schools have spares.

For an older child a pencil case filled with school essentials and a calculator.

For the toiletries, bedding, nightlight type stuff, I'd think I'd be aiming to already have those in the house as standard, no matter what the child arrive with, but stuff like getting them their favourite smell of bodywash, or letting them pick out a pencil case might be a nice little thing to shop for with them in the first couple of weeks! Thanks

I had two hours notice of his arrival, SW said he had nothing but liked pokemon.
Did a quick dash to Sainsburys and got socks, pants, pjs and a couple of changes of clothes and some extra school uniform as he was only supposed to be staying the weekend.
when it became clear the following week he would be with me for a while I took him on a shopping trip as he was nearly 11 and could choose his own stuff.
so a couple more pairs of shoes, track pants, jeans, tshirts, couple of hoodies, rain jacket. And I got some pokemom posters and duvet cover.
He had a birthday soon after he came so he got a lot of clothes and soft toys

I had a new placement under 6 weeks ago. He had very little, 3 pairs of pants and socks, 1 pair of PJ's. One pair of school trousers, one shirt, no sweatshirt, no pe kit, school shoes and trainers 1 1/2 sizes too small for him. I took him out and bought him new school schools, trainers and football boots, 10 pairs of socks, 6 pairs of pants, a pair of PJ's, 2 pairs of sports trousers, 5 T shirts, 3 pairs of shorts, a jogging suit, a sweatshirt for school, 3 shirts, and a school pe kit, a new school bag, drinks bottle and pencil case. I was told by SS they would pay £250 towards clothing as he had so little. I only had to pay about £50 of fostering allowance. I got sports clothes in Sports Direct as second item was half price on sports trousers and other clothes in Asda, some T shirts were in the sale. He will need more because I'll throw a few of his older shabby things out but will leave for a while then when he no longer wears them I'll say let's choose some new ones for the summer. I also got him a battery toothbrush and whitening toothpaste for his teeth as his teeth were yellow now they are looking much whiter.

I know nothing about about fostering but have been very moved by what the posters here do for these children. Thank you.

I’m an adopter rather than a FC but a couple of things you may not have thought about, especially if you don’t have birth children, are:
Car seats or booster seats.
Cutlery and tupperwear or melamine plates, bowls and cups.
Hair accessories.
Depending on the ages maybe a small backpack with a rein attached as mine had no road sense and very unpredictable behaviour.
Pyjama pants and/or waterproof mattress protectors. One of mine wet herself nightly for a couple of years after moving in.
Mine were both very small and very young for their ages. The five year old was more like a three year old and the nearly eight year old like a six year old.
They had been in foster care for 18 months when I had them but she was an appalling foster carer who was not allowed to foster any more children. They came with barely any decent belongings.

Waterproof mattress protector is a really important point - you can get ones that look and feel like fabric rather than the old plastic style. My friend fostered a young relative who had been through a very rough time and regularly wet the bed. Spare sheets in a drawer in/near the room too so they are easy to get to in the night.

I’m so sorry to read this. I’ve had training where we’ve been told specifically that a bag should be provided for every child - no bin liners etc. In fact, this has made me think that I need to get a supply of inexpensive but suitable bags to keep in my office.

Same. Thankyou so much for all the care and consideration you give to the children in your care. It is so appreciated.

15 years a foster carer here. I’d be careful about getting too much in personal stuff for them before you meet them and I’d second the pp about mattress protectors and lots of set of sheets. Food is also worth considering, we always make sure we had a selection of cereal and snacks in, especially for the late night arrivals from the police or EDT.

Lean on other foster carers for short term loans of car seats and other things, someone usually has the thing you need.

@Namerchangee

Are you a social worker?

Have a look at this website https://www.madlug.com/?srsltid=AfmBOor6tHEK7QPxn9NnD2JHn6-f8rS8Kx-qc-J4YFuUtn4PumnX0Vpk
Go to the Maglug giving section

They donate bags for children in care.
You need to state that you are an FC or SW and provide proof.
I've just received 10 bags for a child moving on soon.

Great question. I would try and use the guidance of your supervising social worker and the child’s social worker as much as possible as they can provide you with guidance on any items required and explain the process with regards to making use of allowances. Also be mindful if you decide to buy scented products as things you may not consider to be a trigger for a child may be. In an ideal world you’d be given lots of information about a child in advance of the placement starting but that rarely happens in reality. All the best - you’re doing something really important!

I've got a huge lump in my throat at the thought of kids turning up with their few belongings in a bin bag.

Sometimes they turn up with the clothes they are standing up in and the cuddly toy they are clinging onto. Madlugs are trying to help with kids in care having some dignity with this particular issue: https://www.madlugfoundation.org/#:~:text=Madlug%20Foundation%20is%20a%20charity,ownership%20during%20a%20difficult%20transition.

Take them and let them choose their own clothes/dressing gown and a cuddly toy.

Oh and a private notebook and coloured pens for scribbling or drawing or writing whatever stage they might be at.

Thank you for being a foster carer ❤

Sadly, mine hadn’t been with me a couple of weeks before the SW turned up with the most enormous suitcase for them, as a result of the no bin bags policy. I say sadly, because they arrived with a carrier bag each, and the suitcases gave the impression they’d be moving on again soon!

However…

The amazing thing now is the internet, 24 hour shopping and supermarkets that sell prams, car seats etc. so you need never be caught out.

So in the window before they arrive, PJs, undies, and a bland outfit.
Bedding that’s suitable for all ages- jolly but not babyish, plenty of mattress protection and spare bedding sets. Make the bed up with two under sheets and two protectors so you can whip off the top set and put dc straight back in.

When they’ve arrived, and had a sleep and a meal, take them shopping for a couple more bits. Do that fairly often. It means you can say, ‘oh you need x, let’s get that tomorrow’, and it’s never a big deal.

Gosh this takes me back.

Not a foster carer but one of mine wet the bed until they were 11. So we did water off mattress protector, sheet, waterproof mattress protector sheet.
once child is out of bed and changed into dry nightclothes just need to take top two items off. Straight back into bed
We had some from M&S that were really soft with no plasticky rustle at all. Very reasonable price wise too

I'd buy them a nice little wheelie case, wash bag & rucksack. I heard that they're issued with binnags to put their clothes in. Really shocking tbh if that's still the case.