Why don't young people foster?

[Vineling]

We've been having a discussion in the office today, (I recruit foster carers as my day job) about why it's people who are aged 50 plus who in the main foster. Those who teenagers have flown the nest and gone off to Uni. So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby or as a career choice? and what can we do to encourage them to consider it? We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

Probably because a lot of "young" people are living in non secure rented shared houses and studio flats.

I guess you learn how to be a parent as you go - starting straight off by fostering a child or teen when you’ve never parented one before would be pretty daunting. And if you currently have younger children, bringing foster children into the mix is a big unknown.

Most young people don’t even want to have their own kids never mind someone else’s. They’re busy enjoying their lives and don’t want to be tied with kids.

Doubt they are financially secure enough.
Also it’s an extremely selfless act, growing up takes a lot longer these days, I can’t see many under 40 “feeling ready” for such a commitment.

The financial instability, earning less than current jobs, building careers first, finishing education, lack of support, wanting their own children first, unstable relationships, unstable housing, all spring to mind.

Because they're focusing on their own careers and trying to become financially stable and own a property. Next stage after that is usually thinking about having your own children.

"Spare bedroom". I've never has the luxury of one of those tbh!

DH and I (late 30s) strongly considered it. Ultimately I worried I would struggle with the extra responsibilities due to my chronic health conditions.

We now have another child so it would be 50+ before we might be in a position to consider it again, health dependent.

I've considered fostering a number of times (I'm 36). I feel more drawn to this than having my own kids, I think.

Practically it's not an option right now as I live abroad, but emotionally, I'm scared that I wouldn't have what it takes to offer a young person what they need.

I've never parented before – what if I get it badly wrong and fail someone who's already been failed so badly?

This also has a lot to do with why I don't think I'm going to have my own kids, but that's one for my therapist...

I would foster but i think the application process would be so intense. The rules are so strict Im sure i would be turned down on something I would consider trivial. I tried to adopt a cat from the RSPCA they would not allow it because I do not have a cat flap. My previous cat asked to go in and out.

I would have fostered but we cant afford a spare bedroom. It would have been an instead of kids choice.

That's an incredibly blinkered question. Depending on how young you mean, they don't own houses or often have a secure tenancy, so can't offer a stable environment to foster children, or they don't have enough life experience to look after children who may be traumatised and displaced?

Just realised I didn't answer your question about what would encourage me to consider it – I think knowing there would be tonnes of support available both in terms of caring for the young people who came through my home, and in terms of processing the experience of saying goodbye to them.

That would make a huge difference to me.

Also the state of social services and council provisions, no way would enter that world by choice, sorry.

We have a spare bedroom but have two DC and both work full time. There's no way we could give a foster child the attention and support they would need. Every other couple in their 30s/40s I know is in the same position.

I work in a similar service to Fostering but for adults with LD. My thoughts on this are that younger people have not gone through that process of caring for someone that an older person has through raising their children or caring for elderly relatives.

Being a carer for someone of any age is a massive commitment, especially in your own home. As a Foster carer you are available 24/7. It's not like doing an 8 or 12 hour shift then clocking off then going down the pub with your mates.

As for young families, again they already have a lot on their plate raising their own kids.

Lastly and very sadly, a lot of kids are in Foster care because their home life has broken down for some reason and those kids have associated trauma and potentially behavioural issues related to that. It takes a very emotionally mature and stable person to be able to support a child who has experienced abuse, or had birth parents with with alcohol or drug dependencies, or who suddenly lost both their parents in a car accident for example. I doubt there are many kids who need a Foster carer because of a positive history.

DH and I are building careers and have busy lives. We also have zero experience of parenting or young people.

I feel ill equipped to become a foster parent, don’t have the time to dedicate to it, and although we may be able to manage the upheaval if we had a new baby (we’re not actively planning any children at the moment), I don’t think we would do justice to a young person with a complex life and potentially additional emotional needs.

Personally, when my children were little, I would never have brought a foster child into our home. Too risky, too many unknowns, and my children's happiness and security were my #1 priority. I would not have wanted to give my attention to a foster child over my own kids.

Gosh I’m flabbergasted that you need to ask this question!

The mind really does boggle doesn’t?!

Most young people don't have a home with a spare bedroom. Those who do have demanding jobs and not a huge amount of time to give to a foster child. Older people are more likely to have a house and savings and extra time to give.
But also there aren't any big advertising campaigns, no coverage on daytime TV, or examples shown in soaps and dramas to normalise fostering as an option. I don't think it's being talked about at all in the media.

All they need is a spare room? Is that a joke?

They need to be able to take in children that are likely to be traumatised, they need to facilitate getting them settled into new schools or commuting to their existing school, they likely need to facilitate engagement with parents or family, etc, etc, etc.

Never mind the fact that they don't yet know how to be parents because they haven't gone through the process yet.

A few thoughts come to mind - if their children are young they may not feel they have the capacity to bring a foster child home. Years ago your youngest had to be +8 to foster, has this changed?
They have a limited time to build up a pension or reengage a career.

Having raised their children, or considering having children, the idea of taking on what could be children experiencing grief/trauma, while being aware how little support is there in schools etc could be overwhelming.

We seriously considered this in our mid-30's once DC had started primary school & didn't go any further than initial application for a number of reasons but 3 main factors were:

1. Concerns about negative impact on own DC/family dynamic
2. Financial - the pay wasn't enough for me to give up work
3. Daunted by whole application process

HTH

I know a couple who were really up for fostering and actually going through the training, but pulled out after hearing of a couple who had their own child taken into care after a foster child made an allegation of sexual assault. The allegation was subsequently found to be completely untrue and just made by the foster child in retaliation for being told off. The damage this did to the foster parents and their biological child was unbelievable. These children can be very damaged and if you have your own children its a big risk. I have worked in the Family Court so I have seen the facts not just the newspaper stories.

Lots of reasons
Many younger people have their own children and don't have the capacity either financially or mentally to look after other children. Fostering is a huge commitment and not something many people would want to do before their own children have left home.
I don't think anyone one in their early twenties would have the maturity or life experience to foster even if they do have their own home.
. Those who want to work with children are more likely to train to be teachers, early years workers , TAs etc where you can go home away from the job.
Those with small children themselves who want to work from home with children are more likely to become childminders than foster as then the children go home.