nearly finished assessment but don't think I'm going to be approved

[Ceci03]

Something came up about my dd's mental health that apparently means I won't be approved at panel. I'm actually devastated. Have been through such a long assessment process, am at the very very end. I feel so bad for my referees who put so much time and effort into my references. I feel bad for all the time the social worker spent on me and I feel v v frustrated, as this came up right at the beginning of the assessment and they said it wouldnt be a problem. So, advice to anyone starting out, dont let them pressure you into spending any money, or doing up bedrooms or anything until you've been to panel. She wanted me to buy a locked cabinet, and to buy a bed, and I hadnt been to panel. I'm so glad I didn't spend any money. She was really pressuring me. Cant stop crying I'm so disappointed.

I would go to panel so that you can see the report, discuss it all but be aware that you probably won’t be accepted.
This will give you all the information you need should you want to apply again.
If you aren’t successful and you feel you could apply at a later date you will be well prepared.
If you feel that fostering really is for you maybe you could do some voluntary work with vulnerable children and get some training under your belt.
Did you apply to an agency? If so maybe next time go through the LA.
There seem to be lots of Jobs in residential homes at the moment, maybe this is something you could look into or working as a contact supervisor.
Good luck in whatever you choose.

I would expect the nature of your DD's difficulties to be very relevant here too. For instance, if she began self harming in response to struggling with relationships at school there might be questions raised about how she would cope with the stress of respite which can be very unsettling and unpredictable. If she became depressed after her beloved Grandpa died and wanted to stay in her room all day feeling sad and not go to school that's not the same issue, with different triggers. How you contributed to or recognised and responded to her difficulties would also be important.

I agree the process is to rule out people and families who are unsuitable; where there are certain factors at play that do not exist for other families.

So I had an email from the SW and was very upset reading it as she said the reason they were not reccomendjng me was because my dd's issues had not been addressed. That is so untrue. I mean she has been in therapy since 2016 and I feel like I've done my very best to help her overcome her difficulties and that is even borne out now as she is happy in college doing her a levels with a great social life lots of friends. I don't think the SW took any of that into account or how far she has come. Anyway she seems very sure of the decision and told me her manager was too. But I'm wondering if I apply to an agency they will be able to see everything I've put in my application to the LA? Thx

If you decide to go with an agency you would need to tell them everything you have told the LA. If you don’t and you are accepted they may find out further along the line and this would be really bad for you.
Social workers often change from La to agency and vice versa. The LA social workers place their children with agencies. If the LA social worker recognises your name when looking at your form F and mentions their concerns to the agency this would be awful for you. You need to be honest and let the agency make their own decision.

It’s not a good idea to apply to an agency specifically leaving out what you have been previous rejected for.

If you apply to an agency they will contact the LA to see why you weren’t recommended for approval.

Oh no I'm sorry for all of this OP
It sounds so sad that this has happened 😥

Can you go back and ask her why she thinks her issues haven't been addressed?

You can still go to panel even if they are not recommending you. You must tell the agency that you have not been approved (if that’s the final decision) as not do so would be dishonest. SW senior manager here for full disclosure

Yeah I'm basically screwed. It's been a few weeks now I guess since I guessed they wouldn't be recommending me, but I'm still really upset about it. I thought I'd try again with an agency, but like you say, they will check with LA. I suppose I can try again in a couple of years, but even then, they said that if dd is living in the house there would be 'concerns'. I mean how long does a mental health difficulty follow her around. We're talking about something that she's gotten over, and was an issue 3-4 years ago. I suppose I just know, that we are a safe family, that no harm would ever come to a child here, and it hurts me that the LA believes it is too risky to place a child with me. It really hurts. Makes me feel like a failure when I've tried so hard, and done so much to help my dd, and to help her get over her difficulties. And she's doing so good now. Anyway, the decision is made so no point going over it and over it. Time to move on. It hurts though.

I would discuss it with them (obviously nicely)
Even if it doesn't get you any further
But that's just me
I can totally understand why you feel that way
This is really sad 😓

Hi, pm sent x

I'm very sorry op. It's great that your dd has overcome her mh issues but yes speaking as a person who has also had mh issues in the past the stigma never leaves you. Even years after it no longer affects you.

Is there anyway your dd can have a mh assessment from a psychiatrist? It might show the LA that yes she has overcome her previous difficulties.

It's sad that so many children need a home but it's a very difficult process to foster, it is very off putting. My own dsis gave up because it is such an invasive process.

So I got the report and to be honest was quite shocked at what the SW wrote. I feel very bruised and vulnerable after going through the assessment process. I don't think I've ever felt so judged, or been so harshly judged. Accused of collusion, lying, deception. I'm absolutely devastated. They said they will keep the report on file, but upon reading it, I cannot imagine them every approving me. It brought home to me the one-sided-ness. For anyone going through the assessment process now I would strongly recommend you keep notes of the meetings. I think they should be recorded actually, because otherwise it is a total she-said - she-said situation, and the SSW was (obviously) very biased to the SW and took her word as 100% correct. It's really affected me I've never had such brutal or harsh "feedback" on my life, my personality, my integrity. I'm not sure if I need to take a cold hard look at myself, and I'm deluded, or that she wrote a very biased account.

Just remember that a SW is NOT your friend, and should never be trusted. I was way too trusting.

I'm so sorry it didn't work out @Ceci03
Things like this and my own friend's experiences of fostering have completely put me off.
Here's to something better in your future