Can anyone answer some questions for me?

[Mumofone1860]

I am thinking about fostering a child to add to our family and hopefully help someone to get a better chance at life.

My husband works 9-4 and I work 5-9 so we are always home so they would never be without us.

So my questions...

Is there a way I can request the age child I would prefer (0-4 or 13+) (I am happy for a under 4 to stay with us long term but I figure this age they wouldn't be annoyed at my son trying to play with them and they could always grow up together if they don't get a forever home, with a teenager they could come with us to our adult activities while the baby is at home with the other parent and I love the idea of helping someone through school/college).

Is there a way to only have children who want to be fostered and want to be part of a family? (I worry if I get someone who just didn't want to be with us they would take it out on us/my son which would be horrible for everyone).

Sorry if this makes me sound really entitled but I just wanted to know what my options were and couldn't find the answer on google.

May I ask why you are looking at fostering and not adoption if you want 'a child to add to our family'?

I'm an adopter and can't really answer your questions but have a couple of general points:

• fostering tends to be 'short term' (with view to moving back to birth family or on to adoption) or 'long term' (moving to birth family or adoption not expected).
• most young children would be short term as they don't have the bonds with birth family that would prevent success in an adoptive family
• teenagers needing LTFC are most likely to have some high needs, especially if their family life has been unstable for many years
• with adoption the adoptive children have to be younger than any existing children in the family, I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case with fostering too

Fostering a child is a major undertaking. You are potentially accepting a child who has been removed from their birth family with little or no notice. Who will almost certainly have been subject to some form of trauma, whether it is a household of drug/alcohol abuse, sexual abuse, violence, neglect. Who may be very angry/mistrustful of adults and may lash out at the adults nearest to them. Or just who may be very high needs due to their age or a disability or both, who may take 90% of the attention away from your birth child.
Fostering also involves regular meetings with SWs and other professionals.

I think you're being a little naive. My neighbour has fostered many children over many years, and with one exception, every child she has cared for has had a very difficult start in life which has proved very very hard to ameliorate. Many meetings concerning the child/ren take place during the working day, so that may cause you problems.
Have you got a local foster carers support group near you? They could give you the unvarnished truth of what the job entails - and it is a real job.

I have fostered and adopted. You don’t foster to ‘add’ to your family, although fostered children are always treated as part of our family whilst they live with us. If you foster a child age 0-4, there is a possibility that they will return to birth family and if not, ss would in all likelihood be looking at adoption, as the permanence of this would be best for the child.

I am approved for 0-18 yr olds for fostering, so with my LA it is certainly not the case that you can only foster children younger than your own (I have a three and eight year old at home). We’ve fostered many different children over the last ten years and it is amazingly rewarding. However, it can also be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining. You have to have a good support network and have the capacity to ‘give out’ a lot emotionally, as well as being on top of paperwork and meetings.

As pp said, most of the children (not only teenagers) are ‘high need’, as they are often traumatised and have poor attachments. Even newborn babies can have suffered substance abuse and attachment difficulties which can manifest in behaviour and development later on. Also, it is definitely not possible to only foster children who want to be fostered. Most children (however difficult and neglectful their home life is) still want to go back to birth parents, at least on one level. Children can be incredibly loyal to their birth parents, however much they have suffered when living at home. It’s quite heartbreaking really.

Yes, fostering is a great thing to do, but not an easy option. Maybe try to get into contact with some foster carers local to you, who can give you a more realistic idea of the amazing rewards, but also the difficulties.

Afternoon everyone. I am a Family and Child MSc student at the University of Chester, currently recruiting foster carers to take part in my online survey exploring personal characteristics and motivations to foster. I would really appreciate it if some of you could help me out. Here is the link to the online survey if anyone is interested: chester.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/foster-carers-motivation-and-cessation
Thank you in advance! You're all great.