respite carer

[sumum]

we have a respite carer for our long term child who is 8, he goes once every six weeks, he went this weekend and has come back with a christmas present that is the ONE AND ONLY thing he has asked from santa, she knew this, I am so cross

Have you already bought him the same present? If not, can't you just be pleased that he's going to get what he wanted and buy him something else? (How do you know what it is anyway? Has he opened it already?)

yes he has opened it, i am cross because santa should be bringing it and it has stole santa's (my) thunder

perhaps i am selfish but i wanted to see his face when he got what he asked santa for, and yes i have already bought and wrapped so he will have two

she knew that was what santa (we) were getting so she could have picked anything else, i feel very undermined

It's mean, I agree. Did she know you'd already bought it? If she didn't, it isn't quite so mean I suppose.
Different people do Christmas differently. Lesson learned would be to discuss with any respite carer in advance of next Christmas and work together.

yes she knew it was all bought and ready, we had an email conversation late november, i've been and reread the messages and it it clear that is what we were getting him.

I am not too keen on the carer, she is always having little digs at me, of course he is perfectly behaved with her and a nightmare with me, hence the need for regular respite,

he is one of the most difficult and damaged children the department has got, we manage some really difficult stuff with him and respite is part of his support package.
It took them ages to find someone to do the respite as he is so difficult everyone turned him down so we are stuck with this carer and i feel i can't say anything about the digs and passive aggressive way she does stuff like the christmas gift.

You are right to be annoyed, I would be too. A respite carer is supposed to support you, not undermine you.

I may be reading more into your post than you intended but it reads like the present in question is just the tip of the iceberg. I'd hate to feel "stuck" working with a carer I didn't get along with too. Could you not consult your support worker and ask them to look again? I know you say it took ages to find this carer but I don't believe they wouldn't be able to find someone else if you mentioned a possible placement breakdown... Surely it's easier for them to find a respite carer than a whole new family altogether.

Hope you manage to find another gift at short notice and enjoy Christmas.

yes you are right StormDesmond, i think it is the tip of the iceberg.

she writes a report to the social worker each time and nit picks at things like noticing he doesn't have vests, when he is so skinny vest that are long enough slid off his shoulders and he hated wearing them, i put plain white t-shirts to wear under clothing instead in the case it was cold.

Why 'report' this to the social worker, why not just ask me if she is concerned and i would be able to explain.

I know people parent differently but just because my parenting is more relaxed than her 'jobsworth' way of doing things doesn't mean i need reporting all the time.

If she keeps on with this I am worried the social worker will become concerned and we could end up with a placement breakdown.

Many of the things she has reported are utter rubbish and of no relevance but just put me in a bad light.

However child has opened his duplicate gift and loved it, it is the best ever and loved the fact that santa remembered he had asked for it.