The first night

[HappilyChatterly]

I have everything crossed that we are soon to get our first placement (8months post panel- what they say about IFAs is true). LO has been emotionally and physically abused and hides from new people . They have no self esteem and are very much of the opinion that becoming looked after is their punishment for being such a bad kid . On top of all this they have a developmental age half their chronological age.

What can I do that first night to help them settle, feel safe but not completely overwhelmed? How do I let them know we're ok and being with us isn't their "punishment". what can we do during the first week to get to know each other but not push too hard?

It is hard to give any advice, how old is the child? Have you done a period of introductions? Have they come from another foster Carer?

I think you just need to listen and take it at the child's pace. You will know more about the child than we do. It will probably be 2 steps forward, 1 step back and will take a while. Good luck!!

It's hard to say without knowing a bit more. Smile and show them their room and something that is their space, show them the garden and where to get a drink in the kitchen. Make sure they have a night light and know where the loo is (stating the obvious but they need to know they can go in the night if they need to). You could buy some nice food like cookie dough ice cream or ask them what their favourite is. Then take it easy, don't overwhelm them with people and things to do but try to keep them busy at the park or something. Try to give them choices as much as possible about anything. Good luck, it is a challenging time as you get to know each other and the early days are a well known honeymoon period, before they start to test your limits. Stay calm and good luck, let us know how you get on.

She's 14 but mentally half that age. She also has a disability which makes her very self conscious and hide her face. Intros will have taken place if she does come to us. Thanks for the advice.