how do you cope?

[DwellsUndertheSink]

How do you cope with the disclosures and the quiet revelations about your FCs lives?

We are on first placement of what seemed to be a simple case.

Its not. Its harrowing. :( We are getting lots of support from SS - cannot fault them, and I love the FCs SW, but I just find myself coming over all Mamma Bear about my foslings and getting terribly upset when I realise whats been going on in their lives.

what do you do to cope with it all?

I think coming over mamma bear is good. The things they have been through are harrowing I agree and I cope by focusing on doing what I can for them now rather than getting too angry at the world. Love the "foslings' term by the way.

Talk to partner, talk to sw.
May need to tell DC a bit of it?

Is what they are telling you very different from what ss knew?
They rarely know all of it.

From one Mamma Bear to another I feel your pain. I have struggled with this and I completely agree with Roshbegosh about focusing on the here and now. There's a lot to be said for living in the present, it's actually quite hard to do but the benefits mean that you are not constantly dwelling on what has gone before or projecting into what is often a very uncertain future.

Our first placement was the same, "simple, straightforward" they said but the reality was/is very different. My DH and I support each other well and I have a few special friends who foster who I can get support from when I need it.

Unfortunately I think this is a big part of fostering that we have to learn to cope with as we go along, sadly I doubt it ever becomes easy to deal with.

I dont think there will ever come a time when I'm not amazed by past histories, on my 2nd placement this time round for fostering(fostered years ago when my children were little) , I think if you got used you wouldnt care, no not wouldnt just it would be like a every day thing and its not.. and its good feel sad for them, but yes you have to deal with the now and the future and how you can help in just a small or huge way to show people do care, xxx

Another one who completely feels floored by past histories, here. I know we're not supposed to be biased against birth parents, but as the months go by, it becomes harder and harder not to feel protective towards the foslings ( "foslings" is a great term for my little ones, btw!) as more and more details become known.

The one thing I take comfort from is that ( so far) the birth parents have lost custody and the adoptive parents have been wonderful, and amazing parents-to-be.