I think we've reached the end of our road

[EarthMotherImNot]

Title says it all really

Since our last lo left a few weeks ago Dh and I have endlessly discussed whether to carry on as Fc's.

Her leaving affected us both badly, probably due to her difficult start in life and how intensely we worked with her for so long.

I have a supervision meeting due in a week or so and I'll probably tell my sw then.
We very much want to see our current lo on to his adoption next month but I'm worried they'll move him instead so I'm considering just keeping quiet until he leaves

It hasn't been an easy decision and I've dithered about it some days but we aren't getting any younger and the paperwork and training seems neverending and often not even geared to our age group.

I get tired of hearing sw's speak of manditory training when we are, in effect unpaid childcare.

I think the last straw was being "told" I "must" attend a course on "managing difficult behaviour" we foster newborns for gods sake!

Ello What a lovely heartfelt post

Earth How are things?

Ellovera many thanks for your beautiful post. I know you're probably not "one of my lo's" but it feels as though you could have been and you are saying everything they would say if they could. I will treasure your words

ECR I'm up and down really after surgery i belived that was it, I would be fine. Sadly it has just been the start. It feels strange that I had no symptoms other than a dodgy hip when I first saw my GP. It has stretched now to osteoporosis and just lately, an over active thyroid has prevented my reconstuctive surgery from going ahead for the time being.

I feel well in myself, I get tired easily but thats the medication I'm told, and oh, I do miss my little ones

Thank you so much for thinking of me though It has cheered me up

I don't know where you live but if it's anywhere near me I'd like to help . If I can.

I had some lovely foster parents , well ok one, but remember it with warmth and comfort and even though I had to go back "home" and faced difficult circumstances , that warmth has always stayed with me and shown me how I wanted my own house to be. You should be very proud of yourself,, and your husband too. I have helped to foster babies too and seen the drug addictions and seen my own family members struggle with it. Thank you for not judging the parents too much, It's very hard ..

From the bottom of m heart, thank you for your love . It gets multiplied, and passed on to our own children and also to the many children I babysit , nannied, Childminded, helped foster, nephews nieces , etc etc etc!

It goes on and on and on :-)

I'm in the northeast Ellovera. You reminded me of a lo we had for a while until she was almost 3. SS felt she would be "ok" if she returned home. I worried and, yes, grieved for the lo for a long time.

Out of the blue a foster carer rang me 8 years later asking if we remembered the child. She would be 11 by then and had turned up one day at social services and demanded to be put into care or she would harm herself. Nothing at home had changed and she simply couldn't bear it any longer. A brave little girl determined to escape!

The child remembered us and consequently had no fear of foster carers, her memories were of safety and laughter. Sadly her family felt she should forget her time with us and on her return to them as a little 3 year old made the decision to rip up her life story book filled with a couple of years worth of photo's etc.

Luckily, hoarder that I am, I had a few in a box of her with us and I was able to send them on to her.

I opened this thread randomly then read it with tears in my eyes. I knew little about foster care, apart from that there is a national shortage of them, but know a little more now and couldn't click away without letting you know EMIN how inspiring you are. I feel uplifted by reading your posts, and inspired to try and make just a fraction of the difference to children in the world today that you have. Your legacy - dedication, devotion and love - will indeed go on and on and on, as Ellovera said.

I wish you all the best with your health problems, and your pragmatic and brave battle against breast cancer. I hope you are able to return to foster caring in the future, but even if you retire I think you can afford to sit on your laurels and think about the positive difference you have given to over 80 children... Perhaps the National Fostering Society could draw on your reflections of three decades of fostering by interviewing you, or having you speak at a conference - I'm sure you could inspire many others to become foster carers.

You are surely one of that vast group of humble people who really make a difference in our communities, and should be carrying one of those Olympic torches this summer!

That's interesting and mirrors my own life , as I asked to be put back into care at 11 as I had enough. And i dread to think what would have happened had I stayed there. And my mum is still the same, now aged 60! But maybe the fact that I knew different helped me be strong enough to say no. That's what you did :-) the difference you make is just huge .

Bugger I'm the opposite end of the country :-(

Steady on Stateofplay, you'll give me a swollen head Many thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot truly.

Heavens Ello, it's a small world and no mistake. Quite spooky too

I've been reading this thread crying the whole way through, wish you all the best EMIN and Ello too.

I really really hope your health improves, if anyone deserves it you do :)

Good to hear from EMIN, hope you are feeling a lot better soon. Agree it is a small world as I am in the north east also :)

Also a lovely message from Ello :)

Thank you Tulips, curiosity makes me ask (not nosiness) what part of the north east?

I am in South of Tyne area, whereabouts are you?

ooh me too, well ish. Between Newcastle and Sunderland closer to the latter

Sounds like we are nearly neighbours :) We are between Newcastle and Shields. If you ever need anything PM me x

Small world indeed Dh and I were brought up in a small shipyard town between Newcastle and Shields, our 3 dc's were born in the maternity unit at Shields

Thank you Tulips I will do x

HI
i HAVE BEEN READING ALL THE POSTS AS I HAVE VERY RECENTLY MOVED THREE CHILDREN ON TO ADOPTION AFTER CARING FOR THEM FOR THREE YEARS. i FEEL SO MUCH GRIEF I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. CAN ANY ONE TELL ME IF THIS WILL PASS?

Hi dogskidsandchaos At first you will think you will never get over the pain and acute sense of loss, almost, without being disrespectful, a feeling of bereavement. You will, I know from experience that this is short lived.

Try to keep busy and get ready for the next set of little ones who will need you.

Is this your first placement moving on can I ask?

hi
Thanks for the reply. I have been fostering for about 8 years now. But this is the first time we have moved children on to adoption. It feels overwelming as well as feeling disullusioned by the service.
Should we ask to see them again i dont know what the protocol is in this situation
It does feel like a bereavement. No one tells you that is how you will feel, where is the support to help foster carers with this feeling?
Feel a liitle less overwelmed today hopefully tomorrow will feel better again. Thanks again for your comments

I always leave it to the adoptive family re contact. I do ask if they can ring/text to let me know they've settled. They usually do this but physical contact is totally in their hands as it should be. I'm consious this is the most difficult time for them, a new family takes some getting used to and can be overwhelming so contacting the foster family often gets forgotten.

It is soul destrying to the carer if contact is promised and doesn't happen though. I feel for you having recently had to give up fostering after almost 25 years

I hope you continue to feel better dogs we do have a hard job at times. I am about to move children on too. They have been with me so long I feel as if they are mine, although I know they are not. Hope you get the support you need

I know this is a very very old thread but after reading it I just want to say through tears that EMIN you are such a brave woman and inspiration to many.
Reading the story about the baby girl who was drug dependant was heartbreaking.
Then after reading about your life struggles with your health made the tears fall more. Hope you are ok and recovering well? Xxx

Thank you MonaLisa, I'm doing ok apart from a dreaded visit to hospital tomorrow when I have to have an ERCP, a camera down my throat (shiver) x

Hi EMIN I hope it was not too bad today. How are you now?

I've been thinking of fostering for some time now (my DC are all older) and only one still at home. YOur posts are very very impressive, you have such dignity.

Hello ElectricSheep, I'm sorry I've only just seen your post. Thank you for your kind words.

I had the ERCP on the 25th, it wasn't nice but it's done now so I'm going to forget about it and concentrate on the next issue which is swallowing a radioactive capsule for my overactive thyroid. Really hoping I glow in the dark afterwards

It can take 6-12 months to be approved as a foster carer so whats stopping you

Best of luck whatever you decide x