Help a newbie?

[frannikin]

My new boyfriend is in the French Navy and I have no idea how to handle the situation at all. I know certain things are obviously going to be different because it's the French Navy so I won't be asking advice on practical stuff but how do you cope with the separation? What kind of stuff do you send? Is it all e-mail or can you write/send presents? What's it like when he comes back?

If at a later date we move in together would we have to be married to live on base? What's it like job-wise if you have to keep moving? Do you have to keep moving if you're Navy?!

I know that being military is a part of him and I love all of him so I'd never expect him to change but I'm just a bit worried about how I'll cope and I kind of feel that either I jump now or I commit myself to really trying. I don't want to lose him but I'm really worried about how it'll work. Just felt a bit theoretical up until now but he's got to report to base in mid-August and suddenly I've realised I am actually going to have to deal with this and I'm not sure that I can.

Sorry for the length of this!

Hi There Frannikin,

My hubby is in the US Airforce. Its totally different to the RAf here and can be confusing - but I work hard not to make his job rule my life. Separation is tricky, and that goes for all arms of sertvices in any nation. Its how you cope that counts. As long as you are the kind of person who can tick on with life and get on with things without him you'll be fine. Most forces wives / partners have strong personal lives, good freinds etc and life goes on when other half is away. You use MSN, you use email, write letters, talk on the phone (skype is marvellous!) and wait for the day he roll sback into port. Its a different life - but ts not one to be afraid of, and arguably it can make for a better relationship, th e old absence makes the heart grow fonder etc......

Hi Frannikin

Blimey what a lot of questions! Don't worry, we've all had the same dilemas at some point.

There is no denying that the separations are hard on both of you, keeping busy, having a job you enjoy and seeing lots of your friends does make it easier. I make sure there are lots of things to look forward to (little milestones) while he's away. I send lots of letters and lots of small parcels which can include books, magazines, cakes, flapjack travels well chocolate doesn't, proper coffee and small random things that only my DH and I would find funny. The homecoming is always amazing - i feel like a teenager again with butterflies in my tummy and am quite shy when i first see him.

You don't have to live on camp when you are married but its cheaper and you are surrounded by a support network who really do understand. Finding work has been the hardest aspect about moving, its not impossible but you may need to re-think your career plans to a job that will travel well.

Good luck, keep asking questions, you are in good company.