Can I have a moan please

[pimmsgalore]

Sorry need to vent.

First day back at school for DD (5) today. On arrival at school we are greeted by friend whose DD is in absolute floods of tears because daddy couldn't be there for her first day back. The mum (my friend so knows DH is away) then goes on to give me the whole 10 minute story about how her DH has been away since Friday on a business meeting and won't be back until Thursday.

I stood there listening and making the right noises (oh poor you etc etc) whilst the DDs were having a chat the conversation went
DD friend "my daddy isn't here"
DD "my daddy isn't either why are you so upset"
DD friend " he is away until Thursday"
DD "well mine is away until April"

at this point my "friend" went "it isn't a game of top trumps you know your daddy is never here so you don't get upset"

My DD then didn't want to go to school and has come home saying she had a great day but wishes daddy was here and she really misses him especially when the older DCs are away at school (they went back to boarding school on Sunday). She also said her friends mummy is mean as she is upset every time daddy is away.

I am just fuming and needed to vent in a place where we all know the feeling.

Moan/vent away!

Your 'friend' sounds self absorbed and very inconsiderate. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn't mean that to sound just as rude as it did!

Hope your daughter realises that its ok to miss her Daddy and not to want to cry at every turn about it.

She (and you) should be so proud that he's away because he helps defend our country and others.

Hope she just LOVES school!

Oh dear. The woman sounds very self absorbed and rather insensitive.

That is a rather cruel thing to say to a child. I would be rather pissed off too.

Rant away here because we know how it feels and just because we/the DC dont cry every day for 6 months etc and we do just get on with it, does not mean we are not missing them.

You did well not to erupt.. I would have.. A girl at work was upset once because her bf went away with work for the night..could have punched her.. She knew my dh had been away 4 months with 2 months to go !! Some people are just so self absorbed they don't think

I can take it and calm myself down but think I was more mad at the fact that she upset my DD.

I think maybe she was having a bad first morning getting up, but then so were we all.

My DD went in well this morning and even asked the teacher if she could make a tick chart and have in the classroom for when daddy gets home, also is taking in the soldier oli book so she can explain to the rest of the class what her daddy does.

We are one of two military families at the school and sometimes I think that we would have been better off appealing to get into the school that all the other military families go to, just so some of the other mums got the whole concept of being a part time single mum. If I have to fend off one more "wow I couldn't do that, you make work for yourself by letting the DC do so many activities when he is away" comments I may well explode

I would have been fuming tbh, very impressed you kept it in for the sake of your daughter.

I've had times in the past while my DP was away in Jordan when others just don't realise that because you're not upset all day it doesn't mean you don't miss them like mad.

It can be really hard to listen to others complain that they won't see their partners for a week or so when you have spent months apart and have months still to go, but I guess without that experience it's easier to say naive or hurtful things.

And I understand the activities thing, I've had some people say, quite cruelly, that I'm living it up now that he's deployed and ask was I waiting to be rid of him before I started all these new hobbies etc. I don't think they understand that the new hobbies are to take my mind off worrying about him while he's away.

I have a FB "friend" (mum of one of DD's friends so awkward to delete) who posts status update like "OMG I can't believe it's another 48 mind before comes home.

Mins sorry

This mum is a fb friend which is why I vented on here as I am sure all my military fb friends would have been very rude about her

Stupid woman. You did very well not to stamp on her foot. Perhaps you should start posting FB updates about how proud you are of your DD coping so well as it never gets any easier for them to be without their daddy and hope she reads it and feels bad. Some people are incredibly self-absorbed.

That is so rude and cruel to say that to your daughter. What an idiot she sounds.

Fair enough you can not have any experience of living like a military family but there is no need to be so thoughtless.

That is so rude and cruel to say that to your daughter. What an idiot she sounds.

Fair enough you can not have any experience of living like a military family but there is no need to be so thoughtless.

Oh so with you on the "so many activities" front. Well done on not being rude back, I would have.