grrr.... playdate has just declared - he hates my dinner offering and will not eat it.

[TracyK]

I gave him a list to choose from and he took spaghetti - but not bolognese - just 'sauce'. I used a home made smooth tomato type sauce - no meat or cheese (he hates cheese!). and he's turned his nose up at it.
Now ds says he hates it too - although he eats it happily any other time. They are 5yo.
Do I offer them something else - I've said there isn't anything else - do I reverse?

really pointydog?

i think it's the chain reaction I'd be punishing that child for...

Just imagining the scenario - nobody can have their River Cafe Chocolate Pudding if they don't eat their Nigella Ham Cooked in Cider. No second bottle of wine if you don't eat your starter. Nobody gets rewards at my dinner parties!

chain reaction.... I'm thinking a lot about smoking this evening

madame p

sounds fairynuff to me

Sorry - was stressed and a bit pre menstrual. Got stressed cos am a bit intimidated by this little 5yo - and don't like the negative effect he has on ds's attitude. But ds loooooves him unf.

It is OK to starve them and let the mother feed them later, do not stress on this account

Just wondering if Anna's nutella-girlthre up when she got home!

sorry, just wondering if Anna's nutella-girlthre up when she got home. bfing and typing!

I would have suggested offering the pasta seperate to the sauce, if not already done. Then he could have just pasta if required.

I wouldn';t offer more alternatives when you clearly gave him an option earlier.

Just offer them yogurt or fruit for dessert.

Tell his mum he didn't eat his dinner, so she can decide if he needs to eat again at home.

Not sure why the need to call him such a horrid name though. He is, after all, only 5 years old!

jeez, kids are usually too excited at that age on a playdate to eat properly.

Hope no-one has everl mentally thought my 2 were little shits because they wouldn't eat much at someone-else's house. They rae always very polite about it apparently ''Sorry, I'm just not very hungry today'' was what ds1 said last time. It turned out he's been served pasta sauce with scary olives!

God my DS barely eats a mouthful or two of his tea at home most days, let alone anywhere else where there are more important things to do (like playing)
Just leave him be, he wont starve. If he's hungry later, he'll eat later!

I do a "cooked" meal - often fishfingers served with something like cucumber sticks and bread and butter. Then yoghurt and fruit. Generally a little choc biscuit or similar afterwards.

Even the most fussy lo will eat one or 2 of those things. If they only eat a yoghurt and biscuit I would then say to the parent "oh, we had a,b,c,d and e this evening." Then I would tell them what their dc did eat.

A child (even your own) does not care if you spent 4 minutes of 4 hours cooking.

4 minutes or 4 hours.

TBH I have given up even thinking or worrying about play date meals these days. No matter what the parents say the children will eat, quite often - for whatever reason, often overexcittemement I guess - they just don't eat much on the whole Some do, but plenty don't.

For play dates I don't know so well I tend to do a cold meal (they will all have had cooked meal at lunch at school). The norm would be a big platter. On it I have a whole range of things to choose from such as: cooked meat, cheese, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, celery, peppers, crisps, bread (pitta, tortilla or normal depending on what I have in) and then have some dips such as humous and coleslaw to go with it. I sometimes do jacket potato or potato wedges if enough time.

Generally with that selection this is something everyone will like. Well - with the exception of one child so far - who still didn;t eat anything, despite mum saying no problems!

i was and am a good eater but i would often be shocked at how different people's interpretation of spag bol was. actually i still am, now that i think of it.
anyhow, i well remember struggling like mad not to puke out my pal's mum's mince (oh GOD it was revolting) so i'm not surprised that fussier kids just refuse point blank. just thank god you don't have to deal with it every day.

With 4 dcs I've been through this loads of times and still hate it. Now if it's pasta I serve it plain with sauce separate, cucumber, pepper etc chopped on table, parmesan grated and in a bowl, and I do stick organic low sugar (how mn is that!) ketchup on the table along with French bread. They are only there for the evening so won't starve. If they only eat bread so be it.

One of DS's friends decided last time he came to play (after they had eaten) that cheese and chocolate chips sandwiches sounded good.

I said "ok, if that's what you would like you can have them next time"

I think said child is now a bit cautious of coming to play again because he thinks I might be serious

I don't give choices either. I jsut offer what i have cooked and if they eat it then fine, if not then also fine.

have to say that as my own 5 kids sit round the table and enjoy the playdate guest usually joins in even if they originally delcare that they don't like the look or sound of hte food. I am sensitive to particular likes or dislikes though so if offering pasta i will offer it plain, wiht tomato ketchup ( yuk) or pasta sauce ( from jar but no additives and one fo the good ones) or wiht cheese or cheese and butter etc. Takes no more than a second to do say butter or sauce or cheese but puts a smile on their face. At the end of hte day I want playdates to be succesful and the hcild to go home happy.

My ds's friend used to ask what was for tea before he decided if he was going to come over or not and would NEVER come over on mondays or tuesdays because I work those evenings and dh cooks. To quote ds's friend -
"your Dad burns everything"!!!!

do you know what, it is threads like this that make me glad that dd1 doesn't do playdates?

she is very fussy on food and at the moment doesn't want to go to someones house for tea as "I might not like the food mummy"

at least then she won't be called a little shit

I find that a lot of small children do have issues around food and I don't want to make them worse for them. I don't offer them a choice but I do tell their mothers beforehand what I am planning to cook and ask if they will eat it and am quite happy to make adaptations to suit (one little boy will only eat carrots and fishfingers, I know this so I cook them).

I find this avoids me having to let them choose which would also whett the dcs appetite for choice (and we are not going there) and avoids major rows. It also gives me the confidence to say - eat or leave but there's nothing else. I would not give my own children dessert if they did not eat the main, but I would a guest and my children are now old enough to understand that guests get priviledges which they don't.

Playdate Tea here is pasta, tomato sauce - lots of garlic in it - and cheese on top. The End.

I don't, to be honest, particularly mind if visiting kids don't eat it. It's a fairly basic, vegetarian, mass-appeal meal and they won't starve if they don't eat it in any case.

(Although if I am particularly secretly fond of the child and it turns its nose up, it can have butter on its pasta instead.)