Do you eat the same food at the same time as your children - everyday?

[McDreamyGonagall]

This has got me thinking after reading another thread.

I really want to increase the amount of times we do this. DH prefers to eat later as he has quite a late lunch but I feel we are missing out on enjoying time with the children, teaching them manners etc.

We do eat with them 2 or 3 times a week, just not every night. Also I tend to cook something different on the nights we don't eat with them. What do you do?

works for me!

'Yes darling, tell me all about Ben 10' slurp, slurp.

I don't want Couple (shudder) Time, I do want Slumpovernicefood Time. Highly under-rated in today's society, I reckon.

mmmm... yummy red wine mmmm...

well we attempted a nice fanily meal tonight when dh got home. I made curry and paratha and brown rice. Fussy ds asked for a bit of everything which was v good. But dh stepped out with a headache - poor dd (15m) fell asleep with her face in the bowl of food - and ds ended up alone at the table while I sorted dd out - so much for family dinner

I AM SAVING THE WINE FOR WHQWAn THEY ARE ASLEP sorry dd he\lped atype this bit!!!

yes we do eat together mostly, but there is always an adult eating with the kids

the kids help cook 90% of the food (oh feck off, ponce police )

They have both been through fussy phases and out the other side. No doubt there is more fussiness to come.

But eating as a family can be rather nice.

I don't make kids eat what they don't like, I don't sweat it. And on a playdate-well they are guests in your house. Within reason of course I would offer an alternative. I am not going to get turkey twizzlers in for the occasion but of course I will make a cheese sandwich.

Martian

'Given that he had numerous issues with taste of food, this wasn't a control issue.'

OK can I just clarify that I was responding to YOUR example when you said 'At one point ds wouldn't eat a biscuit if it was the 'wrong shape'. '

Maybe you're right that refusing to eat a biscuit because it is the wrong shape (when shape has nothing to do with taste) has nothing to do with control. I'll just leave that hanging...

Which is, rather, the point that a few people have been making.

'you may have had the good fortune to have children who accept a range of foods(as I was with dd)'

I think you're rather missing my point. My kids were not BORN willing to eat a range of foods any more than they were born being able to read or brush their teeth or cross the road. It is something we have worked on by eating together and providing role models for example, by encouraging attempts at trying new food and ignoring food refusal etc etc. There are some foods which they still don't like which is the case for most normal people. Not liking the odd food stuff is not the same thing as refusing all vegetables or brown bread or anything which is brown in colour which is not normal at least not if it's a long-term state of affairs and not healthy (this is not my opinion this is a nutritional fact).

'You cannot assume that all children who do not are the result of poor, or over neurotic parenting.'

I am not saying this I'm just saying that when a child is a fussy eater (which is not I repeat the same as not liking everything they ever encounter) it is very often the result of the parents handling or not of food with the child. Again, this is hardly ground breaking stuff. It's really just common sense and backed up by research.

Take Tanya Byron (a clinical psychologist with an expertise in issues to do with children and eating) for example in the House of Tiny Tearaways book,
'at the root of almost every child's eating pormlem that I have experienced is an anxious parent; and often an anxious parent who is also obsesively clean and tidy'

I eat breakfast with the boys.
We eat dinner between 5 and 6, and the boys have a light sandwich and fruit meal just before bedtime, aroudn 7 pm.

I dont cook "child" food. I cook proper food. This means that if I cook a Thai red curry, I separate it out and make one non-spicy variety with apple and pear, or some mango instead of chilli and with much less curry paste. So effectively the dcs have chicken in a fruity coconut curry sauce. I love food. I cook with fresh ginger and coriander, heaps of veg, different meats, and may dish up with a huge big lamb burger tall as empire state building laden with avocado, cucumber, are sweet chilli sauce, and expect my dcs to eat. Or, I may have hotdogs, or a pizza for dinner. (rare occasion) Come to think of it, I may have to re evaluate this approach for my 2 year old, as he has turned very fussy and will no longer dig in chicken in sweet and sour sauce, etc.

well written hurricane. Applaudes.

Oh for heavens' sake...

And frankly, on balance, if the only way to get the Inferiorettes a bit less prone to Unexpected Dislikes around the table is to eat with them every night at five fecking thirty, nope, I'll take a bit of fussiness.

And many of these posts just confirm that some parents are at least partly responsible for their child's fussy eating. For example, a parent down the thread is saying something along the lines of how do you expect children to like courgettes. I don't like courgettes. And someone else saying that mushrooms are evil. Well if this is how parents feel about particular foods obviously this is going to be transmitted to children who therefore refuse to try certain foods or are not encouraged to develop their tastes. Obviously this is not the worst thing in the world and obviously there are varying degrees of fussiness ranging from the not liking a few vegetables and spicy food or whatever to eating virtually nothing but beans on toast which is obviously much more serious and potentially damaging.

ds always ate veg, but was, and is, picky about fruit. Also about types of meat.

Given that I parented in the same way for both, I can only assume that the differences were down to the differences in my two children.

Rather like reading. DD has exceptional reading skills, ds doesn't. Not down to me. We did the same with both of them.

Am PMSL at the tidiness issue, which is clearly intended to imply that all parents of fussy eaters are in the grip of galloping OCD.

I'm rofl here.

I'm not anxious or obsessively clean and tidy. Far from it.

We ate together whenever we could and provide (I think) pretty good role models. Neither of us are fussy eaters. dh would probably eat a scabby dog if he were hungry enough.

Still have a fussy eater, but hey, 2 out of the 3 aren't.

My daughter as always eaten what we eat and when we eat. i think because i started this right from when she started weaning she knows no better and if we do try somthing new i would aleast expect her to try it a few times first

Malory, no but I think Dr Tanya speaks a lot of common sense. Much of her advice is what I did/ do anyway. I've taken on board some of her suggestions. And do you know what I'm much more inclined to listen to parenting advice from a clinical psychologist with proven success in changing children's and their parents attitudes to food than to people who just say things like, 'some kids are fussy and some aren't' as though parents have no control and responsibility in their kids' eating habits.

You can usually eat off my table, if your lucky!

Dust bunnies like my house.

Once found a dead mouse (mummified) under the spare bed!

Not sure I agree with the following entirely:

'at the root of almost every child's eating pormlem that I have experienced is an anxious parent; and often an anxious parent who is also obsesively clean and tidy'

Couldnt it be a chicken and egg scenario?

Maybe the parent is anxious BECAUSE the child is not eating? What comes first, the fussy eater or the anxious parent?

In our case, it was the fussy eater. Our oldest was fussy in the extremes, and has been incredibly hard work. It turned out he had medical problems, which were mostly overcome by the age of 4 and he is now a happy eater. But boy have I been anxious through this! And with reason, as his fussy eating resulted in iron deficient aenemia and hospitalization. I had to work very hard to not let him see my frustration, to cry in secret, to keep my cheery "I dont care if you eat attitude" but reward with a pudding of fresh fruit and icecream when he did well, and sometimes when he didnt but struggled he would also get pudding. The special meals I would cook for him in the evening, with rice porridges, scrambled eggs, youghurt stuffed with pieces of wholemeal bread etc, made me nearly a laughing stock amongst friends who simply could not believe why he could not just eat a ham sandwich like any other normal child.

oh dear

well i like food a lot and have always cooked a lot and so the kids have too

i've always eaten with them, or else dp has

they don't really have kids food exc at friends houses. ds is at a severely poncey nursery where they cook their own food

yet, as i say, both mine have been through fussy phases on occasion.

its utterly normal, imo.

Hurricane
Dont let yourself get drawn in to an arguement with those that are not reading thoroughly what youve said.

and anxious ?

the only anxiety I have around my kids eating is the fear that I haven't made enough for everyone and thusly I will be deprived seconds . This always makes me sad.

I also think there is more to life, parenting (sorry, MT) et al than food. I like food, don't get me wrong. I'm a good cook. DP and I are going to eat what is probably a very nice fish curry later, cooked by moi at the weekend. But I am not prepared to obsess about my children's food; I know that they've eaten Things Of Which I Disapprove, not least because DD1 did, and DD2 still does, eat two meals a day at their childminder's and DD1 now eats school dinners...I can't, overall, go bananananananas about it.

Oh God, as I've said there are degrees of food fussiness. If you're happy with what your kids are eating and you think they're getting a balanced diet and developing good relationships with food then that's great. But there are many people on this thread and on other threads who are not happy with what their kids are eating and define their kids as fussy and are seriously anxious about their kids' eating (probably often unnecessarily but parental worry can lead to kids having problems with food even if there weren't any to start with). If you think your kid is fussy about food and you're challenging this through using role models, positive reinforcement etc then great. If you're not doing anything to challenge that then I personally think that's a shame for you and your child. I think the psychologists get to deal with kids who are really suffering from massive complexes with food caused (obviously not intentionally) by their parents.

haychee, just because I read it, I don't have to agree. That is the essence of a discussion board

i know that martian, but some are not listening to hurricanes repeated attempts to not only defend his opinion but to explain further. Thats not fair.