Another meal goes in the bin....

[DumbledoresFairy]

Ds3 - aged 3, nearly 4, suddenly a terrible eater, as in no appetite. No he is not sickening for something. This has been going on for weeks now and he is fit as a fiddle and happy as a flea.

I have been through all this before with my other 3, but with them, I wore myself to a frazzle, battling to make them eat. I always said I would be different with my youngest. So, so far, I have not worried too much about what he eats, and fortunately, his diet has not been too bad. he hates vegetables, but eats quite a few fruits, and I don't worry too much about the amount of carbohydrates my children eat as I think they need carbohydrates. Snacks between meals are a big no-no though.

Up until a few weeks ago then, it wasn't too much of a problem what ds3 ate. but suddenly, he eats (and drinks) hardly anything. Today, for instance he did quite well at breakfast - ate nearly all a Weetabix, but drank no milk. Lunchtime, he ate some pasta and tuna (normally has a sandwich) and some Pringles and 3 pieces of banana and a quarter of apple. But now we have finished tea and he has eaten one mouthful of potato and one tiny bit of carrot. I am feeling frantic. I want to get the plate and fork and start feeding him like I did the others. Should I? Or should I stick to my promise to do things differently, and clamly throw my lovely lamb casserole in the bin?

NO, NO, NO, don't feed him STEP AWAY FROM THE KNIFE AND FORK! It sounds like he's eaten lots of good things today. Courier the casserole to me (yum!) and maybe ignore Ds3 - could he be attention seeking if he is otherwise fine? It's so easy to turn food into an issue and a power struggle (I started to do this with dd until watching a well timed episode of little angels!)
If you dont' think that it's an attention thing at all then I'm a bit stumped. Bloomin children are so confusing.

Don't put it in the bin, put it in the fridge and nuke it for tommorrows lunch.

It doesn't seem to be an attention thing. he just genuinely does not seem hungry. He has eaten lots of good nutritional things today (except for the Pringles!). That isn't actually representative of his usual diet. Plus, it wasn't a vast quantity, if you read through, the amount he has eaten today would easily fit into a cereal bowl.

I did once have success when dd was going through this phase. I said to her something my mother used to say and do to me: "If you don't eat this now, I will give it to you for tea" and do you know what? it was the most amazing thing! come tea time, she ate the dinner reheated, and then went on to eat a normal sized tea! But her refusal then was because she didn't like the dinner whereas ds3 doesn't seem to make a judgement about the food at all. I have to drag him to the table in the first place, every meal time. He just doesn't want to eat.

I suppose he will eat when he is hungry, really frustrating though. The times I have yelled "I MAY AS WELL CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN AND COOK IT AND THROW IT STRAIGHT IN THE BIN!!"

DS2 is eating like a sparrow too at the moment - hurling everything across the table including the spoons.

I'd like to get Annabel Karmel to come round my house and get my lot to eat!!

Huh don't mention that woman to me Poppies! her idea that making pizza faces with pieces of pepper and mushrooms will induce children to eat said foods is laughable. If I felt like laughing.

have you tried getting him to help you make his meals? ok no pizzas with smiley faces but would he be interested in building a pizza topping with things of his choosing? he may be more interested to eat it if he's helped make it.

Well - I think there are two options:

Cut out the snacks during the day completely until he sits at the table and eats more of the set meals you give him.

OR

Allow him to graze throughout the day, varying the snacks to include all the food groups. Try playing tea party type games with him - where you join in (DD is the same age and is LOVING this particular game atm), and just take it from there.

I think its a choice of making sure he eats a balanced diet, but without set meals, or establishing a set routine of sitting down to 3 square meals a day.

I would choose the latter, and sooner or later he will want to join in with you all at the table.

But I think either could work.

I don't think a lot of children "get" casserole TBH. Lots of different flavours, textures and sizes, and all tasting and feeling stronger and more unalike than to our jaded palates.

I understand how upsetting, frustrating and worrying this is, I so, so do. But I do think we worry ourselves unnessericily. Sounds like he had a really good breakfast, a decent lunch and he didn't really gancy his tea today. As long as he's not wasting away, making himself ill etc, does it really, really matter??? I mean I know it's horrid when they pick at a healthy meal you've cooked but it's rarer to find a kid who woolfs down every meal put in front of them and can't get enough broccoli and eats sreamed carrots over crisps and his favourite food is boiled cabbage.

I'd keep the dinner, reheat it tomorrow and if he doesn't like it, well, he doesn't like it, give him some fruit instead. Try to not get too stresses about it.

Thank you for all comments.

VVVQV: I don't think I made it clear. I meant I don't do snacks - never have. Mine have always been expected to do the 3 meals a day thing. I find even the offer of a biscuit when at someone's house hard to allow my children!

WeThreeBobKings: ds3 doesn't have a clue what is for dinner before he says he doesn't want any. He does this for pretty much every dinner, regardless of what it is. He does love cheese though, so if there is even a hint of cheese about the dinner, I can persuade him to come to the table to view what is on offer, but then, if the meal doesn't strike him, he may still refuse it. Also, he may eat some happily enough but stop after literally 2 mouthfuls.

TeeCee: essentially I agree with you in my head, but when it comes to the situation, I am afriad I react differently. Since last posting, I am afraid I did my age old trick of trying to force him to eat the meal. When he point blank refused, I lost it, pushed him away from me, shouted, and then put it all in the bin (except for the meat which I added to dh's plate!) I am not happy with myself for doing that, but also, I do have a problem with just letting him not eat. I feel he needs to know that his behaviour is not acceptable else how else will he learn? Sigh.

Refusing a meal isn't behavior though, it is lack of hunger, and i am sad to say you may give him some real issues with food if you don't stop bullying him about it.

Hi DumbledoresFairy, don't know if this will help, but after trying forcing, cajoling and bribery (which, for my ds at least, just don't work), I have now told him that I will never make him eat something he doesn't want to eat. He's not great at communicating his feelings (3.2) but it's made me feel loads better, just letting go of all that worry. The bottom line is, he eats enough. I dont' throw much food in the bin because I give him small portions (he can always have seconds) and freeze leftovers.

Feel for your though, it's a bugger isn't it?

interesting article

kids don't really need very much food you know.
i found when i stopped fretting about it, dd1 started eating better.
easier said than done i know, but you have to try.
does he eat any better if he's done lots of exercise - e.g. swimming?

Indeed, an interesting article, but I don't recognise myself or my child much in it.

I don't think I am bullying him. I dodn't see it that way anyway. I flew off the handle today, I admit, but generally, I just feel I assert authority. I am his mother after all!

I am not sure he will have food issues either. My other children don't show signs of having any, although I suppose something could still arise....

Ds3 doesn't do exercise as such, eg swimming, but he is a normally active boy. He goes to playgroup every morning, plays outside, walks every day. I suppose he doesn't show a lack of energy which I should be reassured by.

The thing that bothers me most is that, if I just sit back and let him decide when he wants to eat and when he wants to skip a meal, he will only eat the meals that appeal to him, eg the muffins and cake we have for Sunday tea, rather than the more balanced meals.

If you all sit at the table at mealtimes - then he should too. That is behaviour.

Whether he eats or not - well that's hunger.