So fellow lentil devourers - feeding Other Peoples Kids who only like crap... what do YOU do?

[Piffle]

ds is 12 his friend is here
According to his mother he likes beans and chips, the usual boy things no veges ta.
Today he announces he detests beans in actual fact
this leaves weetbix or egg in my house
Do I compromise my principles and buy some junk

I can't eat raw apple, plum, peach, nectarine, cherries (recently) or pears (again, recently) because they make my gums and throat swell up and itch and burn.

I didn't know this was an allergic reaction when I was a child - I just thought it was what happened when you ate these foods. I assumed it was the same for everyone and that other people were just "tougher" than me. I liked the taste of the fruit, so I ate them and suffered.

I think it's poor manners to refuse to eat something rudely - so sneering and saying "yuck, not eating that!" is wrong. It is equally unmannerly not to check what you're serving is likely to go down well with the adult or child you're serving it to when they are a guest in your home, IMO.

Fair enough , an ad hoc "oh, it's got a bit late, shall I do some tea for the children?" sort of thing you can't plan for. But if you have a prearranged dinner or playdate (barf at that word), you check what the person you're serving food to is likely to enjoy. Don't you?!

Or perhaps they serve it up for each meal until they've damn well eaten it, Tamum

Absolutely HM - I want them to feel comfortable and I want to feel comfortable too (and I hate scraping lots of food into the bin )

A while back I asked a friends of ds's who was coming to tea the following day if he liked lentil hotpot and he said yes so I made it. When I served it he very, very sweetly said 'actually, I don't much care for this type of lentil hotpot, would it be ok to leave it?' and because he was so polite about it I made him something else. Another child, on being served something innocuous, like veggie sausages and beans I think said 'I'm not eating that.' so he was offered toast or nothing.

for those that asked what i actually do eat, well, erm, toast, cheese, beans, dry cereals, mash, cheese, pasta, quorn, and erm, more cheese.

www, I have to admit that the generosity of my response does depend rather on how the child indicates their dislike. Another friend of ds's who was invited round for pizza (in writing, on the invitation) before going to the theatre for ds's birthday got slightly short shrift when he explained that he wasn't willing to eat pizza because he'd once had one in very cold weather in Finland and it reminded him of bad weather. Even then I managed to come up with a jam sandwich....

Hunker, excellent idea- you could just keep them at your house for several nights until they'd choked it all down

I think NQC should make me go on the naughty step for 35 minutes. Then give me the cold leftovers for breakfast if I still won't eat it. Then say "You had a choice and you chose not to eat the goats cheese and stilton rice pudding, Franny. So now you are hungry."

lol at pizza reminding him of bad weather! Precious or what?

Hey, how could you tell I was making my special goat's cheese and stilton rice pudding? Can you smell it all the way from there?

Seriously, I do think adults and children can grow out of food dislikes. But in both cases, they grow out of them by repeatedly trying the food without unpleasantness.

Part of why I think this is because I've trained myself to like aubergines and lamb this way. I am still working on melons other than watermelon. And I do mean to give offal another chance.

But it's not appropriate for someone else to try to force kids or adults to try the foods to achieve this goal. Also, it won't work.

I really want to like olives. I do. I think it's childish and inconvenient not to be able to eat them, and I feel jealous when people are enjoying them. I have tried, several times, but they are just so ruddy gross I detest them. I reckon this stems from eating them by accident when I was 3, thinking they were grapes. The other one I really can't get over is rice pudding which as I say I was forced to eat. I would definitely think again before trying to make any child eat anything, ever.

Franny, if you try a range of different kinds of olives, you may find there are some you can stand. But you need to try them in a relaxed way.

My dislike for aubergines dates from being forced to eat them, and I managed to make it go away.

I have tried, at parties and things. I always think they can't possibly be as bad as I remember them to be - but they are. Just the smell makes me want to retch.

Ooh Franny, I had to train myself to like olives in my twenties cos I thought they looked cool. It took time but now I can quite easily eat a tub a day (only 7 calories in a large green olive [smile[) Love 'em. Same with shellfish, although still can't do cockles but adore prawns and fish now. Perservere!! It can be done!!

NQC please don't plan any olive therapy for me will you

No fear, Frances, I have no olives in the house, I think. And a key point of training yourself to like something is: the impetus has to come from you, the process has to be under your control. I wouldn't do it at a party, and wouldn't do it as a big thing. I wouldn't expect to like it the first time, or even the fifth time.

But I honestly do like aubergines now, while before I would have managed to eat them out of politeness, but would have been miserable.

I've done that with some things. I didn't used to like coriander, for instance, but I love it now.

I don't like olives either, Franny. Or pickly things in general.

I trained myself to eat olives as they were cool too!
F&Z you were probably fet the horrid old rubbery things in brine that used to pass for olives in UK.

I could reawaken your senses with my lovely olive and tomato sauce.

I think the tricky thing for playdates here is that ds1 has one once a week pretty much. I can see when ds2 goes to school then having the standard "something with chips" then becomes a major part of OUR diet which I have no desire to do.

I do like the wraps idea, I shall try that next time. We've had good success with "put your own toppings on a home-made pizza" dinner too. I have done chicken nuggets and chips a couple of times - but visiting child was disappointed that they were homemade nuggets and proper chips (not shop-bought oven chips) and didn't eat much, so that sort of backfired really.

Oh and I've gradually trained myself to eat tuna (and persuading dh to do the same, lol) but I really really dislike any fish other than cod in general, although I know it's good for me and I really ought to eat fish on a more regular basis.

But it's not either turkey twizzlers or lentil hot-pot, is it? There is a huge range of healthy food that appeals to the average child but isn't junk. What's wrong with good quality sausages and mash? What's wrong with home made (or good quality bought) pizza? what's wrong with pasta with grated cheese? Actually, whenever my dc have friends over I'm always asked for Nigella Lawson's home made chicken nuggets and there's only one child I've ever offered them to who hasn't liked them. And his mother told me in advanve that, while he eats well at home he only ever eats plain pasta at other people's houses!

I always tell people who are entertaining my children that my ds genuinely (having tried both on a regular basis) doesn't like tomatoes or cheese) and ds likes some things one day and others another so I've trained him to ask for a tiny portion and if he doesn't like it to refuse politely and I'll give him something when he gets home. It's all about courtesy. Warning the host in advance "Thank you for inviting x to tea - I don't know what you were thinking of cooking, but I'm afraid x doesn't like tomatoes or cheese. I'm sorry if that's a pain" and training children how to refuse politely " I'm sorry, I don't like haggis - please could I just eat the vegetables?"

For tonight's playdate I am doing orchard pork with mash and whatever veg I agree with the little boy. I have had him round loads so know that he likes brocolli, sweetcorn and cabbage but doesn't like peas. I will put plenty of milk and cheese in the mash so if he doesn't like the pork he will still be satisfied with the potato and veg. And will also offer stewed fruit and custard for pudding. If he doesn't fancy the stewed fruit he can just have custard.

For tonight's playdate I am doing orchard pork with mash and whatever veg I agree with the little boy. I have had him round loads so know that he likes brocolli, sweetcorn and cabbage but doesn't like peas. I will put plenty of milk and cheese in the mash so if he doesn't like the pork he will still be satisfied with the potato and veg. And will also offer stewed fruit and custard for pudding. If he doesn't fancy the stewed fruit he can just have custard.

Have a little girl coming tonight. So far I have prepared some beef meatballs. I have also made a pasta sauce using passatta and creme fraiche, and lots of veg (aubergine, courgette, onion, sweetcorn, mushroom, red pepper and orange pepper) and some basil. Have blended it all up till almost smooth. Will serve both with pasta and garlic bread.

I usually check with the parents first to see if there is anything they don't like. Then I would do something which excludes any of those things, but which I would also normally do for ds. If they are really fussy, then I would tend to do sandwiches and offer a choice of fillings. If a child came and refused to eat what I'd made, despite the parents saying "they eat most things", then I would offer a sandwich, foloowed by fruit/yoghurt etc, as an alternative.