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Original poster

So fellow lentil devourers - feeding Other Peoples Kids who only like crap... what do YOU do?

149 replies

Piffle · 29/09/2006 18:24

ds is 12 his friend is here
According to his mother he likes beans and chips, the usual boy things no veges ta.
Today he announces he detests beans in actual fact
this leaves weetbix or egg in my house
Do I compromise my principles and buy some junk

OP posts:
morningpaper · 30/09/2006 10:36

I think that people who don't have very fussy eaters don't know the first thing about them and are completely misguided with their opinions.

It suits them to think it is due to their highly refined parenting skills that their children will eat anything, and that fussy children just have pandering parents.

If you think that any child should sit and eat what you've made, or will "like it once they are made to try it" - lots of children and people are extremely sensitive to tastes and they experience tastes in a much more extreme way that you understand.

When dd is invited over to dinner I ask them to make her a plate of plain/dry bread and give her water. She is quite happy to eat that but will refuse pretty much anything else because it makes her retch. Sometimes she has cried because she wants to 'join in' with a family's meal but trying it makes me start to gag.

So - smug salmon-serving mummies - show a little more sensitivity. Children and adults aren't fussy because they are SPOILT or because they are raised on turkey dinosaurs and fruit shoots. There are LOTS of reasons that people don't like / can't eat different foods. It is not just because they haven't been raised in good lentil-weaving households.

Twiglett · 30/09/2006 10:37

who the hell eats raw onion?

strange moo .. verry verrrrrrrry strange

morningpaper · 30/09/2006 10:37

makes me start to gag.

Should read "makes HER start to gag"

Although I have felt rather queasy myself on the occasions that she has tried something and then projectile vomited over the guest's dinner table.

marthamoo · 30/09/2006 10:39

In salads! It's in a lot of ready-made salads and invariably if you have a meal with salad on the side they'll put raw onion in it. I have to fish it out and even then...well, I'll spare you the details.

Big Whoppers have raw onion in too

iota · 30/09/2006 10:40

Twiglett - cheese and raw onion sandwiches are a classic

loads of salads have raw onion in them e.g Greek salad

marthamoo · 30/09/2006 10:43

Oooh and beef, horseradish and raw onion sandwiches...stop it, it's not fair!

flashingnose · 30/09/2006 10:45

But the point is, you say something MP. The number of times I've had kids for tea and the Mum has airily said "Oh, they'll eat anything" and it actually transpires that they won't eat quite a lot of things. I would rather know that MMoo can't eat raw onion than watch her fishing it out of a salad that I've made IYKWIM.

pointydog · 30/09/2006 10:45

So are we talking about the mealtime etiquette of adults or kids' eating habits? Are people pissed beacause other kids don't like enough different sorts of food or because they aren't mannerly enough to tell their host politely they don't like what's on their plate?

iota · 30/09/2006 10:48

If someone is a guest in my home, whether they are adult or child, I would like them to enjoy their meal and have a good time, not make it a miserable or uncomfortable experience.

I always check with people about food preferences - dh and I are very varied eaters and love spicy food, so if guests had what were having they might well not enjoy it.

I know loads of people who don't eat spicy food - (often because it upsets their digestion). I have a couple of veggie friends, one who doesn't eat lamb, one who can't eat garlic, one who doesn't eat red meat or spicy food, FIL prefers traditional meat and 2 veg and so on.

We adjust our menu choices accordingly to cater for our guests - I feel that it's the hospitable thing to do, I can't believe how many posters here want to force their own preferences on guests, or let them go hungry

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:49

I ask the parents for any dislikes, allergies or if veggie. Then I cook something that I would normally cook for DD (who normally eats with em and DH but not on playdates). The children can eat or leave it. I don't provide alternatives, other than free access to fruit bowl. I still offer dessert if I was intending to. I let the parents know if they ate or not.

I am happy for DD to eat anything offered at a friend's house. She doesn't have too many fusses and fads and will try almost anything. If too excited (still only 4) she might not eat as much as normal, but that doesn't concern me.

Never yet had a child be rude or impolite about anything, although a few have eaten little. I would hope DD would never be rude - she has never been to my knowledge and isn't at home.

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:50

iota - I always do that - ask for dilikes o no no foods for all our guests - adult or child. I like to think I can cooks omething they will enjoy; my visitors are important to me and I'd hate then to feel uncomfrtable.

iota · 30/09/2006 10:51

too right Hula

oxocube · 30/09/2006 10:51

MP, I'm never smug about having good eaters for kids. I think it must be a bloody nightmare TBH and a few of my friends' kids are like this even though the parents themselves eat healthy, varied, balnced diets. Personally, I consider myself bloody lucky, esp as I like cooking and would find it soul destroying to have kids who didn't like or appreciate the results. My DH is pretty fussy and I hardly ever cook for him now - can't be bothered to waste energy and time when he leaves most of it. He seems to live on toast and marmite but looks okay on it

marthamoo · 30/09/2006 10:52

I think we've deviated from the OP (as is our wont on MN ) and we're talking about both. It's fair point that you wouldn't say to an adult guest - "well, tough, it's that or nothing" but would try and accommodate their likes/dislikes. If I knew my child was very fussy I would mention it to anyone who was feeding him on a playdate.

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:52

MP - I hope I would never be smug ins uch situations (hence asking first). I know I am lucky int hat DD is a good eater. I also know that it had nothing to do with me, as I did nothing different to other people I know with children who are far more fussy.

oxocube · 30/09/2006 10:55

Hula, have tried to teach my kids that if they are out to dinner with another family and don't like something, then they eat as much as they can, say thank you that was nice but I've had enough. Manners are important. Mind you, am still working on my 4 year old who is apt to say 'yeuch, don't like this' Fortunately, he doesn't eat out that often yet

Blu · 30/09/2006 10:57

So NQC - will you be 'pandering' to F&Z, then?
Offer her Kraft Dinner!
Twig, Don't forget to add cauliflower cheese to you 'no' list!

SauerKraut · 30/09/2006 10:58

I would hate to think of my child in someone else's house faced with a plateful of food they couldn't eat, and going hungry. I would always offer a child who didn't like what I'd cooked something else - simple, though. Families develop their own special tastes and often another family's food can just seem alien. I do, however, insist that they try it, not just reject it out of hand, and I always insist that mine try food in other peoples' houses, and that they eat as much of it as they can because that's just common politeness.

marthamoo · 30/09/2006 10:58

Oh, no cockles or mussels either (I hope you're all taking notes).

WideWebWitch · 30/09/2006 11:06

I'm not smug, I just wouldn't have any crap to give any child who didn't like what I'd cooked. I'd offer wholemeal toast, fruit, yoghurts but I just wouldn't have anything else.

Northerner · 30/09/2006 11:08

Gosh I think some of you are being a bit harsh. I was a fussy eater as a child, i remember gping to friends for tea and being nervous in case it was something I didn't like/wouldn't eat. It took the enjoyment out of playing with my friends. I liked being at home and being fed stuff I knew I would like. My ds is not the best eater, but not the worst. He loves spag bol, shepherds pie and pasta. If I feed him what he likes he wolfs it down no problem, if I give him something different he faffs around and practically gags if he has to try it. Because of this I tend to feed him what he likes to avoid a mealtime battle.

As I got older my taste buds developed and now I'll try pretty much everything (still hate sprouts though) am hoping the same will happen to ds.

Twinkie1 · 30/09/2006 11:11

If DD has a friend round I will ask them what they want in the morning before school and make sure I have that in for that evening to cook them for tea.

It's not too much hassle and as a friend round after school is a treat for DD I don;t see what the big deal is - why not just think of it as doing something for your child - it would be a pretty sad state of affairs to go and pick your kid up and be told he didn't have any tea because he didn't like what the householder was cooking!!!

DD could go out and be fed anything without iolives in ita nd she would eat it, even if she didn;t like it she would choke it down because she is old enough to understand and polite. DS on the other hand would probably only eat sausages and chips and cucumber and a banana for pudding and I would expect him to be given this as if someone is taking my child home and part of the deal is them being fed well they have to be fed what they will eat or you might as well not bother and he wouldn;t come and play with your kid again just because you objected to being polite and feeding a child what he would eat!!!

tamum · 30/09/2006 11:21

Completely agree with iota, and I can't believe that anyone would humiliate a small child (and their own child, who is likely to find the situation very uncomfortable) by not offering anything else. I certainly wouldn't start cooking a whole extra meal but would find some kind of compromise- ds had a friend round last week who didn't want spaghetti bolognaise, so he had the same pasta but with grated cheese. It can be irritating, but that's life really.

Don't get the surprise about not eating prawns either- it's about the one thing I wouldn't eat (because I'd be sick afterwards), and shellfish allergies are pretty common.

Blu · 30/09/2006 11:21

I do a quick general check with the parent over what is likely to go down well - and DS's friends parents do the same - no-one gets fed out and out junk, and everyone is happy!

And look how we check when we invite adult guests!

tamum · 30/09/2006 11:25

Blu, don't you just serve up whatever you feel like to adults coming round for a dinner party and then just make them sit and watch the rest of you eat if they don't like it?