Please help! I can't cook! I can't operate my oven! I'm fat and unhealthy!

[frankie80]

Title says it all really.

My DH does the cooking but he works long hours, which means I wait til he's home or get a take away.

DD is fed at my mother's (looks after her before/after school) so I'm fortunate there.

My mother never taught me to cook, or to do housework (although I'm okay at that). She refuses to show me even now as she thinks I should 'figure it out' etc.

I have NO idea what the symbols on my oven mean. Nor the symbols on the packs of food. I don't understand weighing of food.

I don't know how long to cook things like steak for, I even exploded an egg I was trying to boil.

I can make a sandwich and I can use my microwave (one thing I can do, wowee)

I'm a fussy eater too. I don't like pasta/pizza/most vegetables/fish/curries

I want to be healthier and slim. I want to be able to cook for my family.

Please tell me where to start. I tried some books but they didn't help because they had food I don't like or spoke about 'settings on the oven' without me knowing what it meant!

Please give me really really simple foolproof recipes for normal meals? Quick ones too?

I'm very embarrassed by this so please don't make fun of me.

www.jamieshomecookingskills.com

This has an excellent video showing you how to prepare a pepper!

Hey frankie, stir fries are simple, don't worry! second fuzzpig's advice, would add that if much water comes out of the chicken when it's cooking (it may not), drain that out of the pan before you add the veg. The principle of stir fry is cooking quickly, on high heat, so that the flavour of the veg stays fresh. If you have lots of liquid in there, it can go a bit flobby.

If you decide to use the cajun seasoning, which would be absolutely fine, add it to the chicken when it's cooking. It'll be nicer if it coats the meat more than the veg, and seasoning needs a chance to cook through too, or it will be dusty and overpowering.

That ginger tip is great fuzz! I've also started peeling the skin off it with a teaspoon after reading that on here, it's easier than with a knife, you lose less too.

Take the chicken out after about 8 mis cooking time, leave it to sit and then cook the veg. Peppers, onions and mushrooms are perfect.

Chop up the veg ready to be put into the pan all at once.

I don't mean to sound patronising, but your doing really well! Just read the whole thread, and at the beginning you didn't know how to use an oven... So far you've cooked a meal you've never done before, and am now gearing up to learn a new meal using different skills!

Keep it up, and keep coming back for support, everyone here has been really kind and useful and I've picked up a few recipes which sound nice

An easy introduction to stir fry is to use a packet or jar for the sauce. Blue Dragon sachets do 2 servings.

Androids- that's one approach- but tbh would have put me off stir fry completely. My family would think I had gone round the bend if I attempted to use one of those things.

Sorry but I think they are just gross.

I love mumsnet!!!

I recall DH saying noodles can burn easily?

Also there's a lot of noodles, how much would be enough for us both? If I use the whole pack, will they all cook properly?

Another question - do I use different chopping boards as I only have one? I don't even know the chopping board rules re E. coli and stuff

If they're straight from pack egg noodles, you're not cooking them so much as softening and warming them. Noodles can stick, DH is right and well remembered. I use a fair amount of oil in my stirfries (sesame because I like the flavour), I also add some liquid (soy sauce) before noodles and this helps them not stick. Keep them moving round, and if they do start sticking, turn the heat down.

So my stir fry looks like this. Chop all the veggies first because the cooking is really fast.

1. meat in chunks over high heat and oil til cooked - is you're using dry seasoning ie powdery stuff, add it to the meat while cooking so it coats it
2. tip the meat out onto a plate (get rid of juices if there are loads)
3. veggies into pan on high heat with more oil - hard veggies (onions, carrots, peppers) first, then softer ones (mushrooms) a few minutes after. Keep everything moving.
4. Once veggies are on the crunchy side of done, add your meat, sauce if you're using it and noodles. Re sauce, you can use ready made, or I put in fresh ginger, garlic, chilli - all finely chopped or grated - and soy sauce. I put it in at this stage because I've found if it goes in first it burns and gets bitter
5. keep everything moving round for a few minutes - at this point everything is cooked, so you just want it all esp sauce and noodles to be hot.

Chopping boards: I only have one too. Give it a wash in between doing meat and veggies (though actually I find cutting meat up with kitchen scissors way easier, no chopping board needed). Also watch out for strong flavours on it - I have been known to chop an onion on our board, then slice bread on it

here's a link on food hygiene in the kitchen
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/homehygiene/Pages/Foodhygiene.aspx

Oh my god I just read on that link that the average kitchen chopping board has 200% more faecal bacteria than a toilet seat! bleurgh

eww, faecal? I ad heard a chopping bird had tons more bacteria than a toilet seat but I assumed non-faecal

About the noodle burning, boil up a kettle before you start. Any sign of burning noodles add a drop of water, pour it round about then give it a shake and a stir.

Don't pour water into a pan with mostly oil. That's very dangerous.

Are your noodles in bundles like a bird's nest? you need one per person. Heat those in a saucepan separately, with boiling water, for as long as it says on the packet.

you can get a vibrating cooking timer that you can put in your pocket so you know when things are done. You shouldn't have to spend £23 on a kitchen timer but it'd help to stop things getting burned.

Faecal, according the the NHS.

WHY faecal bacteria though? Are people scratching their arses while they're chopping carrots or something?!

(Sorry Frankie - probably not the tangent you wanted this thread to go off on :o)

I think her noodles are ready to wok ones. I've never used them.

And can we please stop talking shit on a cooking thread!

well I did the stir fry and it was yummy! :D :D :D

It wasn't perfect (according to DH although he's still pleased with me) but I actually liked it better than my DH's version

DH says I didn't use enough oil and I could have cooked the chicken for a bit longer. Also a lot of the noodles 'stuck' to the pan. Oh and I got burnt a few times :(

But it was edible and it wasn't a complete failure so yaaaay. I'm getting there!

I think me and DH just have different tastes, he likes his stir fries crunchy and spicy with lots of veg whereas I like the chicken quite soft (although I did add veggies which I think contributed to it tasting nice, it had a bit more flavour)

Well done Frankie!

Yay frankie! Now you've started you can see what a process cooking is - you make something, eat it, think about how you'd tweak it next time (or not). All an experienced cook is someone who's cooked so many times/things, they have a library of ideas and a better sense of what they prefer. As long as you're cooking, that's all you need to do - you're on your way!

Now then I am very sorry for pointing out the faecal bacteria. I have no light to shed on the matter! going to google

thank you! Now need to figure out what I will cook for tomorrow's dinner.

what do you fancy and I'm sure someone hee will give you the 'pared down' version

dh hinted at steak pie, but I don't have one and I don't think I'll have time to get to a butchers, there isn't one nearby and the stupid farmers market isn't on this weekend grr. I don't really like the supermarket ones either. hmmm