Please help! I can't cook! I can't operate my oven! I'm fat and unhealthy!

[frankie80]

Title says it all really.

My DH does the cooking but he works long hours, which means I wait til he's home or get a take away.

DD is fed at my mother's (looks after her before/after school) so I'm fortunate there.

My mother never taught me to cook, or to do housework (although I'm okay at that). She refuses to show me even now as she thinks I should 'figure it out' etc.

I have NO idea what the symbols on my oven mean. Nor the symbols on the packs of food. I don't understand weighing of food.

I don't know how long to cook things like steak for, I even exploded an egg I was trying to boil.

I can make a sandwich and I can use my microwave (one thing I can do, wowee)

I'm a fussy eater too. I don't like pasta/pizza/most vegetables/fish/curries

I want to be healthier and slim. I want to be able to cook for my family.

Please tell me where to start. I tried some books but they didn't help because they had food I don't like or spoke about 'settings on the oven' without me knowing what it meant!

Please give me really really simple foolproof recipes for normal meals? Quick ones too?

I'm very embarrassed by this so please don't make fun of me.

If you post a photo of the dials on your oven, we'll almost certainly be able to tell you what they mean/how to use it.

Get a meat thermometer and stick in your good to check it is cooked, normally over 75 degrees and it is fine.

Most food cooks in the oven at 180 - 200 degrees.

If using grill setting leave the door open

I have an ancient good housekeeping cookery book which is brilliant for explaining things from a really basic level. It had info about storing food and shopping as well as cooking which is helpful. I used to get really frustrated with recipes that assumed I understood more than I did so I know what you mean. Once I got going the bbc good food website was/is good for new ideas.
To eat healthily you do need to keep trying veg, but learning to cook a few things at home rather than buying ready made/take aways would definitely be an improvement.
My mum didn't really teach me to cook either, in fact I often teach her recipes now so no excuses it can be done!
What is your favourite meal? Maybe we could help you with that to get you started.

you can try googling the manual, if you are anything like me you don't keep all that stuff neatly filed away

Persevere with the veg, I used to hate it, but now I love it. What about a chicken breast grilled the George foreman, and some pre cut, or even frozen veg for a start, tears my go to easy meal during the week.

You're not getting much help at all, are you.

Right, symbols on the oven. Most ovens have one dial that controls function (top/bottom oven, fan on or off, grill) and a dial that controls temperature. Is that the case?
Here is an excellent guide from Which? with pictures explaining what oven controls mean
www.which.co.uk/home-and-garden/kitchen/guides/how-to-buy-the-best-oven/oven-symbols-and-controls/
A conventional oven is one without a fan. This will have heating elements top and bottom, or just bottom. Most ovens are fan these days - the fan acts to make sure heat is evenly distributed. Fan ovens generally run a bit hotter than conventional ovens, but you'll get to know your own over time.

Temperature. 180C is the sort of standard, one size fits all temperature on an oven. 200 - 220C is hot. 140 - 160C is low. Most things are fine at 180. Want to roast a chicken? 180. Potatoes? 180. Bake a cake? 180. Steak pie? 180. You get the picture.

The first thing that I learned from my mum was how to make a basic pasta sauce. I still make it, it's a good standby.

1. chop an onion - dice, ideally, which means into small, even pieces - and a clove or two of garlic
2. cook these in a little oil (about a tablespoon) over a medium heat, moving the onion around constantly. You want it to soften but not brown. Once the onion goes soft and translucent, about ten minutes, it's softened.
3. add a pack of unsmoked back bacon, chopped into bite size pieces. Easiest way to chop is kitchen scissors. You can turn the heat up a bit at this point.
4. once the bacon is pretty much cooked, add a couple of tins of chopped tomatoes, a good splash of wine (wine is generally a good addition to tomatoey things, lifts it), a good grinding of black pepper, some dried herbs (dried mixed herbs are fine, oregano and marjoram also good, a dried bay leaf is good - you put this in whole and fish it out before you serve)
5. I like to add mushrooms - it's really nice! slice them. NB don't wash mushrooms, they're like sponges and absorb all the water and lose their flavour. If they're very dirty, wipe them. Chop any manky ends off the stalks. Throw those in after the tomatoes.
6. Turn the heat down and simmer (ie not boiling, just the gentlest bubbling you can get) for ten - fifteen minutes while you cook your pasta

Pasta - always put into plenty of boiling water. Cook for the time given on the pack, test that it's done to your liking, drain and serve immediately, with a big dollop of the tomato sauce on top and a fresh green salad.

can your h not help you? you could help him do the cooking and he can explain what he's doing

rootypig- OP hates tomatoes.

Seconding some of the above. Can you or your dh make something like chilli, bolognase, Shepards pie in bulk. Put lots of veg in it, so it is disguised (it works! Fools my dds all the time, apparently they hate onions! Ha, ha, I double onions in a recipe because I lie them!). Then you'd only need to microwave it. I think as a person with good hearing, I cannot appreciate how difficult it must be, and how much you rely on hearing, for things like cooking.

Was thinking also pre making hamburgers with dh around, and then cooking them in the oven (seriously, cooking them in the oven is idiot proof - I am proof of that ). Far more tricky to cook hamburgers in the pan. My hamburgers are half veg really anyway.

Full credit to you for giving it a go. I wasn't really taught to cook and picked it up as I go along, but I do feel so much shitter than everyone else I know.

Re cookbooks, I think Nigel Slater's Real Fast Food is really good. Often recommended to students who are starting out with cooking, it's simple and straightforward. It's also small, and he's not too wordy of a guy.

www.amazon.co.uk/Real-Fast-Food-Nigel-Slater/dp/0141029501

deep I suppose I don't count tomato sauces as tomatoes! I literally read that as tomatoes, the fruit. What an egg I am.

OP? do you like tomatoey sauces? like in a lasagne? well if you can bring yourself to try it, that one is utterly delicious ^^

I find it a little odd to write off such a major food group as vegetables. Yes I understand particular veg may not appeal, but with hundreds of different types of veg and an infinite way to cook them it smacks of something a 4 year old would say.
Veg is a pretty fundamental part (or should be) of a human's diet.
Especially for someone that wants to eat healthily.

OK I'll try again. How to make mashed potatoes.

You want big, white potatoes. Peel the skin off em. Cut them into chunks. You want the chunks to be biggish - halve the smaller potatoes, quarter the larger ones. All the pieces roughly the same size. Put in a big saucepan and cover with cold water. Bring to the boil, takes about five minutes, then turn the heat down to a simmer, so bubbling slightly. Cook for another fifteen to twenty minutes, until the potatoes feel soft when you stick a knife in them. Drain the water using a colander, put the potatoes back in the pan, and add a good glug of milk and a knob of butter (start with a little of each, you can add more later, but you can't take it out!) Mash to the consistency you like. Salt and pepper to taste.

Can I recommend this student cook book.
www.amazon.co.uk/Nosh-Students-Student-Cookbook-Recipe/dp/0956746470
It measures things in mugs and has a picture of the size of mug.
It has a list of basics.
It tells you how to work out if things are safe to eat.
Me and my teens use it loads it is user friendly.

OP doesn't like pasta. We can give you loads of suggestions but its such a personal thing (ie I think mashed potatoes are pretty hard to get right and quite unhealthy! and think making lasagne is like cooking 2 meals!)

Speak to your HV - they will be able to get you some help. Probably somebody to come into your home would be most beneficial.

Oh dear I'm not covering myself in glory here

Good luck OP. If all else fails, reduced sugar and salt baked beans with wholemeal toast is pretty good for you. I mean this in all seriousness! we eat it pretty often around here

Rootypig you are being a great help, the oven link is fab! Now I know what the dials mean - a great start.

favourite meal - my mum's chicken casserole (on the rare occassion I'm invited to stay for tea) and chicken stir fry (chicken, noodles, no veggie so rather plain)

OK lets start with a simple thing anyone can do.

Go to the shop and buy 2 pork chops (or pork steaks)
1 jar of apple sauce
1 or 2 potatoes - the size you would bake - prewashed makes it easier
1 packet of stuffing mix
1 bottle of cooking oil

If you don't have one then a pyrex dish big enough for the chops to fit in side by side

Turn your oven on to almost full, if it has degrees on it you need 200 if is it Celsius, or over 400 if it is Fahrenheit, you can tell by the numbers on the dial, or on the cooker near the dial, if it goes up to 400+ it is F and if it goes up to about 200 it is C.

Or you could have a gas oven that will have number 1-9(ish) if it is gas then you need it to be on at about 7.

While the oven is preheating (that means you have switched it on waiting for you to put something in)

get out a dish you would eat cereal from, put the packet of stuffing mix in it.
Fill the kettle with water and boil.
Add boiling water to the stuffing mix, it should be about 1/2 an inch above the mix before you start to stir. Stir it with a fork and put to one side.

Get the pyrex dish, pour in a little bit of oil, if you want to measure then two dessertspoons full. use your fingers to rub the oil over the inside surface of the dish - put to one side.

get a knife and chopping board
Slice the potato(s) in to thin slices - put the potato so it's longest end is left to right and cut across.

Put a single layer of potatoes in the dish, side by side to cover the base.

Put the chops on top of the potatoes.
Get the jar of apple sauce and a spoon and spoon the sauce over the chops so they are completely covered.
Noe get the stuffing, give it a final stir, if it is watery don't worry, spoon it over the chops. If it is a bit 'solid' you might need a knife to spread it out.

SO you should have a pyrex dish with a layer of thinly sliced potato on the bottom, chops on top of that, apple sauce on top of that and stuffing on top of that.

Put the dish in the oven, close the door and wait 30 mins.

You will have an almost complete dish. When you have mastered this you can add onions to the potato layer and serve with veg/salad.

Roast chicken...
Buy a chicken...you can even get ones from places like M&S in its own foil tray so you don't even need a roasting pan...
Pre heat the oven to 180 (gas mark 5)
Smear chicken in butter or olive oil.
Shove half a lemon up its bottom.
Lob in oven.
Leave for 1.5 hours (or follow heating instructions on pack)
Take out, carve and enjoy!
You could serve it with baked potatoes (oven at 180 for 1.5 hours so can be cooked at the same time as the chicken) and salad or steamed veg.
If you can cook,chicken you can do other roast meats too....beef, pork, lamb...
Meatballs....
Meatballs can be cooked either on the hob or in the oven (I like mine done in the oven)
200 degrees (gas mark 6) for 15-17 mins.
Serve with chips, pasta, ratatouille etc
Stir frys are very very easy and quick.
Would second real fast food by Nigel slater.
You can probably find your oven manual online and print a copy off.
Soup is very easy to make too.
Baking can be fun...I recommend any good housekeeping title.

You have an adult in the house who can cook and operate your oven. He is your first port of call. Stand next to him and watch him closely while he explains stuff here and there. Prep the veg for him, boil the kettle. He may not be Gordon Ramsay but that way you can pick up the absolute basic skills which will get you onto the bottom end of the ladder from where you can use a cook book. I suggest looking in your local library for student / teenage cookbooks which are more likely to have useful pictures and start with "this. is. called. grill-ling, this. is. called. fry-ing". Children's cookbooks tend to be too heavy on the cake baking unfortunately, which is just what you don't need.

And you have to get past not liking veg. Even on MN at it's smuggest most people would admit that they prefer cream cakes/chocolate/steak to a plate of broccoli, but it's just not optional. The trick is to find different ways of cooking it and flavours to mix it with that you do like, garlic, chilli, cardamon, cumin, glazed, sesame oil, soy sauce, anchovies ....there are literally hundreds of alternatives. Pick up a vegetable that you don't actually hate, and google recipes for ways to cook it until you see one that makes you say "oh, actually, that sounds quite nice".

"Even on MN at it's smuggest most people would admit that they prefer cream cakes/chocolate/steak to a plate of broccoli, but it's just not optional." that made me laugh. And quite true in most circumstances.

My DD is one of the exceptions. If I offered her a plate of cooked spring greens or broccoli or some chocolate. there would be no contest. Green veg would win every time. She still has unopened Easter eggs in her bedroom.
Her Mum however is another story...................

And I do eat my veg. And actually quite enjoy them.

Try a slow cooker.you can often get one on offer around the £10 mark. It can be Vy easy to use. Eg Chicken breasts & tin of condensed soup on high for 3 hours. Or pork joint & a can of coke on low all day. Or lentils, bacon and half an onion topped up with a stock cube dissolved in a pint of warm water on low all day (plus extra spices & seasonings if,you wish - but not essential). Easiest of all: whole chicken, salt, low all day.

Hi op. Will your DP help you? Could he not explain the symbols and sort of explain what he's doing as he goes? Then you could move onto him supervising you for a while, then slowly take over.