Hi everyone, my apologies for my possible essay but today it seems I have cracked! :(
Been trying to keep it light over here because I feel I'm bringing everyone else down everywhere else...however it needs to come out. And as you lot haven't had it all yet i hope you don't mind if I get it off my chest....FULL PERMISSION TO IGNORE! 
It started a week ago Friday when I bumped into my older brother (long story short - half brother through my dad, dad recovering alcoholic, i had no contact with my dad between the age of 5 and 16, at 16 found out about my brother, strained relationships with both. Said brother lives round the corner and I hadn't seen him until now) .
I see him in the local shop and we ended up having a deep talk in the middle of the road - in the snow 
. Both agree that we would like to try and build a proper relationship and that both need to make more effort. Its left with the agreement that we would meet up soon.
I'm very confused and wary. Iv'e tried before and got nothing back but decided that I can try one more time, so I text him thurs and ask if he wants to get together Sun (yesterday) and I have no reply :( . Thats it! I'm done there! I seriously can't take anymore rejection from family. He could have at least said if he didn't want too, was busy etc. but no, I got nada!
Second part: It was my younger brothers birthday the day I got my test results - also the day it bucketed down with snow. I told my mum to tell him that I will get his card up asap or she was welcome to pick it up if she could. There was no way I was walking 40mins to her house to deliver a card in the conditions we have had. She didn't pick it up, I arranged to go up yesterday . My mum then messaged me to say that db thought I had forgotton his birthday and could I make sure I bring his card . Hes 11. That made me feel like shit that she hadn't actually explained the reason. Also made me aware that mother is back in point scoring mode - relationship has always been strained but I am so close to not ever wanting to see her again!
Also yesterdays visit - I felt awkward. All I got was 'You look ill' , 'Have you been to the doc?' , its like they are digging for info rather than actually caring iyswim.
Third part: (Told it was a long one 
)
I woke up to a message on FB that one of the girls I used to work with has died in a hit and run - her dh too at the same time. She was 30 and a beautiful person. Its hit me hard and I'm confused about it. I'm 24 and been bloody lucky to have not had to deal with death before too much. But I knew her, not well - we haven't spoken for a long time, but I knew her .
Shes 30 - not much older than me and shes gone! Just.like.that! :( I can't imagine what both families are going through. Completely gutted. They died at the scene which to me means they got hit bloody hard and were probably in pain. :( :( :(
Fourthly:
GOD DAMN FUCKING COUNCIL!
Not long after I hear about ^ this morning, i get a call from my HA saying they are will be taking steps to take my home - because my HB hasn't been paid. 
I mentioned before about the payslip incidence, they want them back AGAIN! 4 FUCKING TIMES! I have sent them back.
Cue major row with them on the phone - lots of apologies and I'm still waiting 2 hours on for a phone call from a manager so I can sort it out. i have had no letters no nothing telling me anything!
I am genuinely thinking if there is someone working in the office who hates me and is taking the piss!
And to top it off my gas is broken.....
All ^ combined has resulted in me breaking down in tears this morning. I want to go and get ds from school because I'm scared something else is going to happen. I can't stop thinking that life is so bloody short.
Today, I'm here, tomorrow - who knows - it could be the day I get hit by a bis, caught in a fire, some metal person breaks into my home and stabs me.....lovely thoughts I know .
Now, someone give me a slap and cake and tell me to pull myself together please :(