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Original poster

Invited to a vegan wedding

123 replies

frazzledrocks · 05/04/2006 21:52

I'm a carnivore but they aren't catering for me. I've got to eat vegan food.

When they came to my wedding, I gave them a vegan menu in the day and evening and they had vegan favours on the table.

This is a serious question - why aren't they catering for my chosen diet? I'm not going to make a fuss about it with them, but I think it's bloody rude!

OP posts:

lockets · 08/04/2006 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cece · 08/04/2006 08:48

I bet the food is lovely! I love all those beans and pulses.....

I was vegetarian when I got married but served a vairiety of meat/veggie food to guests - dependant on thier diet... However, I wasn't veggie becasue of cruelty to animals. I can see why they don't want to - vegans are generally in to it because of animal cruelty so therefore serving meat would go agaianst their principles!

It is only one day does it really matter?

Blackduck · 08/04/2006 08:49

Blimey its only one day - they aren't asking you to give up you beloved meat for LIFE! Agree with others - their day, its down to them...sure it won't kill you...(also PSML at the KFC bucket!)

cece · 08/04/2006 08:58

I went to a Mormon wedding once - no alcohol or caffiene - so we had a stash in the back of the car. Perhaps you could do the same!?

Carmenere · 08/04/2006 09:07

My db had a vegetarian wedding and the food was really really good. Funnily enough there was one table with about 6 people missing because my lovely sil has some ignorant relatives who wouldn't come because there was no meat on the menu . She doesn't speak to them anymore.

I went to a wedding at the same hotel recently and the food (meat based) was not even half as good as the vegetarian wedding.

lockets · 08/04/2006 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misdee · 08/04/2006 09:14

how about you take your own milk pots and discreetly add it to your coffee? or is that a no-no? or drink your coffee black (i can drink black coffee but need milk in my tea).

The food will probably be yummy, and very healthy.

Skribble · 08/04/2006 10:15

cece- LOL I am now imagining wedding guests secretly spit roasting whole cows in the back of their Ford Fiestas in the hotel carpark, and illicite milk deals in the toilets.

zippitippitoes · 08/04/2006 10:17

I did actually go to a friends wedding a long time ago where they had a fantastic celebration with marquees in parents garden and a jazz band and oodles of champagen..

but they had an inexperienced vegetarian catering company and in the six hours we waited between the end of the reception and anybody getting any food a lot of people had been to fetch fish and chips, etc it was a shambles

Also everyoinbe was exceedingly pissed

zippitippitoes · 08/04/2006 10:18

sorry end of the wedding ceremony not reception

Caligula · 09/04/2006 12:15

I once went to an Alcoholics Anonymous wedding. No booze, only tea.

A few of the guests had their secret stashes - but then, I think they had secret stashes wherever they went.

redbull · 09/04/2006 18:31

I completely agree with you fazzlerocks they cant expect you to eat there food when catered espessialy for them at your own wedding. If i plan to get married i would make sure there was food on the menu for all people not just what i eat. I would be thinking if i was you to boycott the wedding so then you dont have to eat there minging food

lockets · 09/04/2006 18:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piffle · 09/04/2006 18:36

Is putting up with it for one day for a good friends wedding unacceptable - if theya re vegans they have extremely moral principles about food.
Take some chili sauce for your nut roast :)
And get really pised, Guinness is proteinous get stuck into that

zippitippitoes · 09/04/2006 18:49

I hope you go now because I want a full report back on the food!

2labs · 09/04/2006 19:03

I'm an unashamed carnivore but went to a vegan wedding last summer, and the food was fantastic. They had clearly spent a fortune on the caterers and it was all beautifully presented and full of flavour - even my dh who had been grumping about it beforehand had to admit he'd really enjoyed it. Like others have said, why not make a decision to just relax and enjoy something different? They'll have been planning the meal desperately hoping that their guests will enjoy it, not trying to piss them off, so why not eat it in the same spirit?

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 10/04/2006 08:38

redbull - i just don't buy into the "their" food thing. Vegan food can be enjoyed by everyone. if you came to my house for lunch and I gave you roasted vegetables with cous-cous with pinenuts and raisins would you complain? would that somehow be unnacceptable? No, chances are you would enjoy it and not even notice that it was "vegan". It's just not a big deal.

winnie · 10/04/2006 08:52

As a vegetarian I will not apologise for not allowing meat in my house. On my wedding day we catered for friends who have wheat and dairy allergies but there is no way I would have allowed meat into the proceedings. It is a matter of ethics.

As for the leather bikers jackets, they may not be leather or more likely they are leather because it is the only thing that will stop them from having their skin ripped off if they are involved in an accident. We all make choices, don't be so critical. They have to live with their conscience not you and as vegans I am sure it is something they thought about a great deal.

I'd be very sad if friends of mine turned out to be so judgemental.

Clure · 10/04/2006 21:28

flippin nora - they're offering to feed you vegan food, not arsenic!!

We had a right old cheap and cheerful wedding. For our "reception" it was a big BBQ in our garden and was completely vegan. Me and a couple of friends prepared it all, the majority of guests were really enthusiastic and tucked into our effort. Loads said it was great to try new food.

Only a couple of "hardened" meat eaters were unsure (they popped out for a kfc) I wasn't offended, in fact had a right laugh about it - their choice - they shelled out for dinner when it was all free back at our house!! There's not point getting your knickers in a twist about it is there?

Original poster

frazzledrocks · 10/04/2006 21:50

just caught up with this thread. Can't rememebr all the replies, sorry.

To put the record straight, I have no problem with vegan food per se. I love veggie food and often choose it. If it's tasty, what the hell?

I'm also aware that "it's only one day". It's no big deal really, but I'm interested in the wider implications.

My point is more general. I keep going back to it, but why aren't they offering a choice of menu? If you are not a vegetarian, you would still offer vegetarian options at your wedding. You would also offer a vegan option if you have vegan guests.

As far as they have told me, there is one main dish on the menu, so let's just hope everyone actually likes whatever is in it and there are no allergies in the house! I remember being very thankful for the vegetarian option at a wedding once when the main course was something I didn't like.

Those posters who have replied along the lines "they are exercising their right to have exactly the wedding they want" - ok, but I presume they would be put out if others did the same to them?

Is there something that sets vegans apart so that they don't have to cater for others even though they expect to be catered for themselves?

And as for the moral standpoint. I just can't take it seriously in this case. The leather jackets? The trips to the local chippy without checking whether the fryer used lard or vegetable oil?

Perhaps you are right, Spidermama. heaven help them having a friend like me, I wonder what motivates people.

OP posts:

lockets · 10/04/2006 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piffle · 10/04/2006 21:58

Nobody would be a vegan food wise on a whim if they did not have strong feelings and views - just to piss off some folks at a wedding.
It is their day, they can fed you 100+1000 sandwiches and saveloys on sticks if they want
I'm sure as they no many of their guest are already judging the menu as you are, they have gone to extra effort to make it palettable and enticing for non vegans.
I think you are being very ahrsh on them - I mean they are paying for it right?

Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2006 22:01

fd, i think your point is sort of a 'political correctness gone mad' type one. but the huge difference as others have pointed out is that you can eat vegetables and fruit and although you don't particularly like soya milk you have no moral/ethical/health objection to it.

there is absolutely no point of comparison between catering for vegetarians/vegans at a meat eating wedding and what you are demanding imo.

Original poster

frazzledrocks · 10/04/2006 22:37

Well yes, I can eat vegetables.

It's not about the food, it's about offering a choice.

And I'm not demanding anything. I just think it's rude not to offer any choice.

Since when was getting married about "doing what the hell you want and sod everyone"? I think it's about having a great day and hoping your guests have the same. Vegan food won't spoil anyone's day, but choice would be good.

I think most people offer a choice between red/white wine, alcohol/non-alcoholic, tea/coffee etc. I can't drink tea, but I assumed some of my wedding guests would like it, so it was offered.

And yes, they presumably have a moral objection/strong views about meat. So why the leather biker jackets?

I totally repect their choice and any reasons they might have had for becoming vegans. Find it hard to understand them not giving anyone else a choice though.

OP posts:

Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2006 22:44

if they bought them second hand they haven't contributed to cow deaths....argh that dell thing bouncing at the bottom of the page is DOING MY HEAD IN!! sorry about that....ahem, where was i.

see your point about choice, just don't agree, see what it's like and then report back....bet it's all fab.

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