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Original poster

Anyone ever persevered with the 'eat it or starve' method of feeding kids?

62 replies

Pagan · 09/03/2006 20:09

I'm tired of cooking pesto pasta for my 2 year old who seems to like nothing else unless it comes out of a tin and is bright orange in colour. She used to have a great appetite and would eat anything. She seems to get by on virtually nothing some days then on other days eats well but tonight I had made a really nice cheesy pasta with chicken and she refused to touch it so I said she wasn't getting anything else if she couldn't eat it. That's her off to bed now with virtually no food other than some dates and raisins since lunchtime.

OP posts:

fisil · 09/03/2006 20:10

yes

Original poster

Pagan · 09/03/2006 20:16

Did it eventually work then?

OP posts:

fisil · 09/03/2006 20:19

I have never offered them an alternative. So if they don't eat what's on their plate they don't get anything. I do try and make sure they get something they like for the next meal.

When ds1 was a toddler (c. 18 months) he went through a period of only eating bread and bananas and very little else.

starlover · 09/03/2006 20:19

not with my own! but have done it with 2 kids I used to look after and yes... it did work

Original poster

Pagan · 09/03/2006 20:27

Great - I'll start being really harsh then. How long did it take before they got the message that there were no other options?

OP posts:

Katymac · 09/03/2006 20:29

Don't argue with her

I'd just put the food in front of her - leave it for xxxminutes then remove it

Rhubarb · 09/03/2006 20:29

A couple of days. I still do it with mine. They don't eat they don't get any dessert (usually just a yoghurt anyway). I get them down from the table and we finish eating our meal. They get no snacks either, hopefully they'll be so hungry for the next meal that they'll eat it!

A bit tough going at first, you feel very guilty, but stick with it.

starlover · 09/03/2006 20:31

a few days... max

fisil · 09/03/2006 21:48

oh yes, agree with the no snacks rule. I never have snacks (well, unless they are there in front of me, but I never go looking for them), and nor do the boys.

maximillion · 09/03/2006 21:53

I have done this to. I just say 'okay then, leave it but there is NOTHING else tonight, until tea, whatever the next meal is'. DS1 now almsot 4 and eating better but def has firm favourites and will hardly try anything new. When she was two, she ate cheese and grapes ONLY for about three weeks. I have even thrown a whole tea in the bin and let her go to bed after only having half a banana. She doesn't mess me about half so much now!

TwoIfBySea · 09/03/2006 23:08

Did this with dts2 (dts1 being the kind who likes most food.) He is a particularly fussy sir and at about the same age as your dd took upon himself not to eat.

So I made some lovely food for me and dts1 (dh works shifts so isn't always there.) Seeing us tuck in with gusto fair worked quickly! Now and again he still refuses so only has his milk before he gets ready for bed. I don't mess around and he knows it.

Kiddy blackmail, they are all experts at it.

NannyL · 10/03/2006 08:24

yes it does work!

Normally they need a few days a) to feel hungry, b) to realise you are seriouse
and their hungry tummies start to at least try the only food they have!

Generally the younger the child is the quicker it works!

katetee · 10/03/2006 09:23

Yes, I always did it with both my dds, and most unfavourably with friends who came for tea! My dds are 12 and 10 now and they eat anything, and will try anything too. They went to a Tapas restaurant with their gym club and sat eating calamaris(sp?) and olives etc, and both enjoy salads and vegetables. So, I personally think it is something worth persevering with. Good luck.
Sorry, hope I didn't sound smarmy then, I don't mean to sound like it was easy, there were tears and tantrums along the way!! and many grey hairs.

fredly · 10/03/2006 15:02

It's hard, isn't it ?
My 18m dd is a good eater but occasionnally makes a fuss. I try not to give in until the next meal but I wonder if she's not a bit young to understand the cause/consequence. Does the lesson really work at the age ?
If you say yes, I'll have no pity from now on !

Mum2Ela · 10/03/2006 15:07

I do it with my two. DD is 3 and DS is 16 months. If they come to me looking for food between meals, I offer them fruit. DD is at an age now where she is easier to reason with and when she gets to a point in her meal where she doesn't want anymore, I ask her to eat another 3 spoonfulls and then she can leave the table. DS has never been a fussy eater but is getting to that age now when they do get a bit fussy, but he knows I mean business and I won't offer him an alternative meal, but he can have fruit between meals.

dinosaur · 10/03/2006 15:09

I'd like to take a tougher line with DS3 but am scared he won't sleep if he's hungry! So I resort to offering him anything he will eat before bedtime (usually still not a lot, but perhaps a banana/biscuit/bit of flapjack with his milk). Do those of you who take the tough approach find your child wakes up in the middle of the night or really early in the morning?

sophiecustessofwessex · 10/03/2006 16:14

yes - it works. there are genuine foods each of the children dont like - as i dont like ham or eg white my youngest son doesnt like egg yolk. he would prefer not to eat chips and to eat meat and bread and mash. hes 13.

there is a difference between prefering to eat something else and not liking it.

and i'm not a fcking chef de partie so eat it or dont - am not right fussed - your getting nowt else - no point in having a "to do" about it and getting upset.

if he was that hungry he would have ate the oven chips and not be asking for a yoghurt

i only have a finite budget i have to make the food feed 5 people. i cant start making personal menus for everyone its not workable.

theres a difference between - dont like it and prefer not to eat it as a macdonalds is so much nicer

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 10/03/2006 16:22

Yes - I tried with DS1 for just over 1 week when he was about 18 months (I think - well between 1-2yrs) old. After that length of time with him refusing to eat anything but his breakfast every day I gave up.

He's now 5 and eats absolutely everything I put in front of him without any fuss at all.

Kelly1978 · 10/03/2006 16:27

I've always done it. I'm now gradually starting it with the dts who are nearly one. If they genuinely dislike something I don't give it again. But if they are choosing not to eat it because they'd rather have yoghurt or whatever then it is tough, eat it or go without. There are 6 of us here, and I can't cook 6 seperate meals.

MaryP0p1 · 10/03/2006 16:31

I know where your coming from Pagan. I have 2 children and my DD eats very well with no problems. I have cared for children for many years and have managed to help other family overcome their children eating problems. However, my DS has never really liked eating and I have to be so strict with his diet, etc.

He goes through stages where he's okay, not great and other periods where he's dreadful (just coming out of one). At the moment we have sticker chart. If he eats his meal he gets a sticker . 3 stickers means a biscuit at the end of the day.

For me it that or strangle him!!!!!!

rummum · 10/03/2006 16:35

I must admit I'm pretty fussy with my food... don't get me wrong I eat like a horse... but only food that I like!! I could not force myself to eat something that I didn't like... therefore there is always something on offer that my children like on the table.. I always encourage them to taste a new food.. if they don't like it, they don't like it.. no problem... after all if a MN'er came to tea I wouldn't expect them to eat something that they didn't like... food should be enjoyable... not a torture...

Daughter saw a paediatritian and dietitian when she was a toddler because she was anaemic.. she only lived on sandwiches... it got to the stage where I could have thrown her and the bloody food I'd cooked threw the window every night... and then I thought why am I getting so upset.. so I gave her what she liked and would eat and always added a new food to taste... sometimes she liked it...sometimes she didn't...

DD is now 9 and is being assessed for ASD... I think all her problems with food when she was younger are all part of her asd... not to lumpy, bumpy, crispy, bumpy... and I am so glad that I trusted my judgement and didn't make a big deal over it and make her go hungry... I'm not suggesting all your children that don't eat have ASD.... but I know I did the right thing for DD, she is still a fussy little mare.. but now eats a healthy diet....

Elf1981 · 10/03/2006 16:39

Having had parents that did the "eat it or eat nothing" stand with us, I am not sure whether I'd use it on my DD when she gets older.
Sunday dinners use to be a nightmare. We'd sit in the dining room and I'd be told that if I didn't eat X amount, then I couldn't leave the table. I'd sit there for hours just pushing my food around my plate. And when my parents & siblings had gone to another room, I'd put my food into plant pots / in my pockets / vases / under the ashes in the fire. Anywhere so I didn't have to eat it!!
My mum knew, she just moved the stuff when cleaning over the next day or so. DIdn't know that I'd throw my crusts down the back of the fridge, so that was a shock when we got a new one and they pulled the old one out...

NotQuiteCockney · 10/03/2006 16:52

Elf, that's not the "eat it or eat nothing", that's a "you must eat" stance, which isn't sensible at all. Sometimes people don't feel like eating anything, and forcing them, or trying to force them, is just silly.

Nightynight · 10/03/2006 16:53

No. I am mummy soft about eating.

joelalie · 10/03/2006 17:04

I've not tried it. Mine eat very well thankfully at the moment but they all went through a phase of not eating anything (or so it seemed) when they were around 2yrs old. Then I would give them their meals and they didn't get anything if they didn't eat it...but as they didn't want to eat anything anyway it didn't bother them. There are things to this day that they don't like and I would never force them to eat those. The older they get the wider their tastes get so I guess it's a stategy that worked.

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