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Anyone ever persevered with the 'eat it or starve' method of feeding kids?

62 replies

Pagan · 09/03/2006 20:09

Grin I'm tired of cooking pesto pasta for my 2 year old who seems to like nothing else unless it comes out of a tin and is bright orange in colour. She used to have a great appetite and would eat anything. She seems to get by on virtually nothing some days then on other days eats well but tonight I had made a really nice cheesy pasta with chicken and she refused to touch it so I said she wasn't getting anything else if she couldn't eat it. That's her off to bed now with virtually no food other than some dates and raisins since lunchtime.

OP posts:
Issymum · 10/03/2006 17:12

Haven't read the thread but yes. To begin with you may want to give no snacks at all between meals, which is tough on a two year old. But we found at the start that once the edge had been taken off their hunger, even by a small, healthy snack, they continued to refuse an entire meal.

Hell, this sounds as if I'm awfully tough. But I was at the end of my tether when we did it and it worked within 48 hours.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 10/03/2006 17:13

I must have an incredibly stubborn child then (wonder where he gets that from Blush) as he went for nearly 1 1/2 weeks with only having 2 wheetabix in the mornings!!!

Elf1981 · 10/03/2006 18:50

NQC - Think Sunday's were like that because my dad was home. To be fair, he was only strict because of the fact he grew up after the war when you had to appreciate whatever food you were given. Anyway, weekdays it was eat or nothing. So out of a dinner such as liver, bacon, beans and mash I would eat the bacon and mash. Or for a stew, I'd eat the meat and carrots nothing else.

If we ate dinner than we'd get a pudding so my sister and I would take it in turns to go upstairs with food stuffed in our apron pockets and flush it down the loo. Our parents would think we'd eaten it, then we'd get dessert.

The best two food weeks of my childhood came when I had my tonsills out and I was allowed to eat ice-cream and jelly and mushy stuff, til dad caught me eating a Penguin bar and the gig was up!!

I am now a very fussy eater. I dont think it was caused by my parents desire for me to eat the same food as them / healthy food, I probably would have been as much as or just more a fussy eater if I'd been able to eat whatever I liked. My reasoning for this being that my younger sister was spoilt slighty, she was such a grouchy baby that she could eat whatever she wanted because it was the only time mum and dad got any peace. She's just as much a fussy eater as I am.

However, Pagan, at two I dont think it is going to do your child any harm as she is so young. Try it for a while and see how it goes, you wont be losing anything.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 10/03/2006 18:53

tbh i wouldnt be like this with a little one
but when they start getting bigger and treating you like a cafe
then I put my foot down and tell them, they either eat it or there is nothing else

fisil · 10/03/2006 19:58

I remembered my philosophy on this one after I'd gone to bed last night:

No baby/toddler ever voluntarily starved themselves. However, plenty have developed poor attitudes and behaviour by having attention paid when they refuse a food.

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2006 20:14

I agree with fisil and dsw
I think starving a preschooler into submission is pretty extreme.
I think there has to be a better way - gentle persuasion, incentives, etc etc - though I appreciate that will take more imagination time effort and energy

it might "work" but I think it is counterproductive in the long run to forse a small child to eat and to turn in into a discipline issue. Turning the dinner table into a battlefield is a big mistake, imho.

I don't really get this obsession with "finishing everything" and eating full meals at this age either. not particularly nutritionally sounds I would say.
I agree though with older children that pandering is a bad idea

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2006 20:17

force Blush

drosophila · 10/03/2006 20:31

Yeah my Mother. I was stick thin as a child and always sick. I would rather go hungry than eat what she put in front of me. SHe was very busy and had very little time so food was always a chore for her.

I am now a foodie.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 10/03/2006 20:34

No baby/toddler ever voluntarily starved themselves. However, plenty have developed poor attitudes and behaviour by having attention paid when they refuse a food.

Mine did - 2 wheetabix a day - and a bit of juice (he wouldn't touch water - although he does now) were all he ate for 1 1/2 weeks.

He didn't get any attention paid to him when he chose not to eat - just went in the bin and he got down from his highchair.

He's a very well behaved little boy now - slight lack of confidence in certain situations - but that's something he gets from me (now why couldn't he look like me and have DH's personality????).

FrannyandZooey · 10/03/2006 20:40

I think it's just another way of controlling your children. I think that learning to eat what you want when you are hungry, not eating when you are not hungry, and leaving what you don't want to eat on your plate, is a valuable life skill (and one that most adults don't seem to have acquired IME). Having someone else tell you what to eat, when to eat, and when you have finished must seriously muck up your chances of ever learning how to feed yourself according to what your body needs.

I am no way saying that people should be running around cooking 3 different meals according to what their children fancy that evening. But offering a meal that your child usually enjoys, and making sure there are other nutritious foods for them to ask for or help themselves to if they don't want that meal at that time, (e.g. bread, fruit) is IMO a better way to deal with 'fussy' eaters than starving them into submission. Food should be enjoyable, not a discipline issue.

drosophila · 10/03/2006 20:45

I disagree I dd starve myself and my DP was the same. I used ot eat bread and water rather than eat my Mum's cooking. I was underweight for years and years untill I could cook myself.

I alos know another child who wouldn't eat what the parents gave him (they followed some crazy diet) and he became dangerously underwight. The diet expert told the parent to feed him anything just to get calories into him. His weight didn;t register on their scale. This went against their diet principles but they complied for a while.

Some kids will undereat and it's not just loking for attention. They could be super tasters os as in my DS's case have a bad relatonship to food as he is highly allergic and sees food as a threat.

Ladymai · 10/03/2006 20:49

My 15mth DS is going through a not eating anything I give him phase and its driving me up the wall, however instead of giving him a cooked lunch and dinner he now gets sandwiches/toast for lunch and by dinner he's ready for a proper meal.

I give him fruit and healthy snacks in between when he starts whining cos the sandwiches haven't filled him up but if I give him any more bananas in a day he's gonna start looking like one!

I agree with Fisils philosophy, no child will ever starve themselves, but boy can they pack the bread and snacks away!!

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2006 21:13

good post franny

fisil · 10/03/2006 21:19

I agree, franny is spot on. Food just really should not be an issue. When a baby or toddler rejects food it isn't an issue to them at all cos they don't have the hang ups that we have. We are the ones that make it into an issue. That's why if they turn down food the best thing is to just say "oh well, you weren't hungry."

cutekids · 10/03/2006 21:29

my oldest (nearly 8 ) was a great bottle-feeder but as soon as she was introduced to solids she wouldn't eat-we used to have to "distract"her from her food by sitting her on the window-sill;playpen even the bath! just to get something into her! suddenly -about 2 yrs ago- she decided she wanted more than macdonald's chips etc. and now eats eggs,curries,chillis...anything! my son (nearly 7) never argues about food. he just says that if he doesn't like something he eats it first-saves the best till last!however,my youngest(nearly 6)is terrible as far as food goes! she likes the obvious..chips and nuggets!;ham and sausages;chocolate cake;etc.but i cannot-and neither can the dinner ladies-get her to eat anything that's home made(apart from my cottage pie and "tuna and mash"-laden with garlic mayonnaise). I've been tempted to take her food away and refuse her anything but I always cave in. anyone got any ideas?

blueshoes · 10/03/2006 22:34

My approach is similar to fisil, franny and harpsi. Life's too short IMO. I am the other extreme from the 3 square meals and no snacks/nothing else. I just leave low maintenance foods that I know dd 2.5 likes out on the coffee table and she helps herself when she is hungry. If she asks for something else (eg yoghurt, cereal), she gets it, no fuss. If she does not eat it (which could happen even if she asked for it), I just clear it away eventually. No hardship because I spent almost no time preparing it.

At nursery, dd has set times for meals and snacks at the table. She eats very well there. If I tried to cook the same for her at home, she would have none of it Shock. But we both get mutual enjoyment from food - if she enjoys her pasta or her chips with ketchup, she bounces up and down and says "nice" repeatedly. It is such a joy to see her loving it. I am sure her repetoire will enlarge in time and her eating habits improve lol!

moondog · 10/03/2006 22:38

I love food and would never force my children to eat/finish something they don't want too.
However,I'm in charge and generally decide what our family will eat.
If they don't want it,I merely smile brightly and say
'Don't eat it then'

There are never fights over food.

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2006 22:40

god blueshoes that is almost exactly my regime
dd1 knows she has to sit at the table etc etc at other people's houses and for Sunday lunch. all other meals are basically a running buffet.
from reading MN I thought I was the only one
let's compare notes in twenty years time....

blueshoes · 10/03/2006 22:49

harpsi Grin. Let's

FrannyandZooey · 11/03/2006 07:01

HC that's what Dr. Sears recommends for toddlers :)

harpsichordcarrier · 11/03/2006 07:02

s'at so? never read him
stayed up too late last night reading your book
it rocks

FrannyandZooey · 11/03/2006 07:20

Oh fab. It should be required reading for new parents, don't you think?

Oh lord just had huge tea spill here luckily no harm done [close shave emoticon]

harpsichordcarrier · 11/03/2006 07:27

(am going to take it my tutorial this morning and make everyone buy it. come and email, we are over staying our welcome here.....}

FrannyandZooey · 11/03/2006 07:29

oops Blush

will do

koolkat · 11/03/2006 08:00

pagan - haven't read whole thread, but I don't think it is a good idea to make food for a toddler this young a descipline issue. It will probably work if you refuse to feed him until he is so hungry he will eat anything. But is it necessary ?

My DS at 20 months is still breastfed, and I guess just like his breastfeeding, he likes to graze and snack. From what I have read this is very normal behaviour for a toddler this young. Their bellies are not big enough for 3 large meals.

I always make sure I have healthy snacks (no juice, only water, rice cakes, bread sticks, fruit, etc) available wherever we go. I have set a pattern of breaktfast right after waking, lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. He eats lots of snacks all day long (still skinny and short for his age but also very active so he obvioulsy burns it all off - if I snacked like him I would be 20 st!!) but still manages a few spoons full at his main meal + a yoghurt after his lunch and dinner. I never force him to finish his food. Even if he just has 3 table spoons full and then turns his face away, I leave it at that. If he is full, that's it, I don't force him. I still batch cook and freeze in small portons, so hardly any waste.

Have you tried giving her a wider range of foods other than pasta ? Does she eat rice or potatoes with some meat and veg. ? Just suggestions !