We are having a Horticultral and Home Produce show in our village. You get points for each 1st, 2nd and 3rd place. The person with the most points gets a trophy. I want to win it.... really, really want to win it......
So I need the very best you can come up with for:
Fruit pie, custard tart, apple cake, bread (both white & brown), jam, lemon curd, fruit jelly, pickled onions, mixed pickle, fruit cake, chutney, jam filled swiss roll.
Help me please so I don't have to become Dick Darstardly, although any sabotage tips will be welcome. 
[evil]