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Flouncers' corner

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Original poster

No-one will notice but announcing my flounce is the only way to stick to it

84 replies

BumbleFeck · 06/08/2014 21:12

This place gives amazing support everyday but none for me

Over the last few months, I've started threads asking for advice/support/help and had nothing. Mostly the threads go completely unanswered, rarely they might get a couple (at most) replies but nothing else.

It's not helping me being ignored here as well as in RL.

I've NC'd for this as I can't actually bear any pity from anybody should they choose to look for my unanswered threads.

So with no malice, just grinding sadness, I'm off

OP posts:

QueenQueenie · 06/08/2014 21:57

x posted. See there are some people ready to listen.

Mrsgrumble · 06/08/2014 21:59

We are here!! I are been here for long enough (diff names) and some threads don't take off.

I have had a lot of great help on here, I always hope I can give someone a hand if they need it back.

PolterGoose · 06/08/2014 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingCounts · 06/08/2014 22:06

Another one here to listen and post my 2 cents OP.

That's a good idea about looking at unanswered threads, BabyGoose.

LiberalLibertines · 06/08/2014 22:08

C'mon Bumble you know we're going to pester the fuck out of you until you tell us what's up!

We're very wise (that's the royal we, I'm not actually that wise, but I do always have vodka)

orangestripe · 06/08/2014 22:11

I'm still here too. Ready to listen.

BabyGoose · 06/08/2014 22:44

I've spent an hour on unanswered threads as promised. If any of you are still here will you try and respond to some on the relationships board? I'm not very good at putting my thoughts into words and worry how I come across as I have very little experience.

I've only just realised that I was looking through the unanswered ones in alphabetical order, so "R" was way down the list.

Hope you're still reading and feeling more positive Bumble. Maybe your actions will help someone else who was feeling the same?

Original poster

BumbleFeck · 06/08/2014 23:05

Vodka is always good

I've had a bath as well to calm down a bit, I don't need DS to decide to get up and see me crying.

It's not one big problem, it's everything. I want out of my relationship but he's got nowhere else to go, begs me to keep trying but I don't want to. I had a plan but one of his family had an accident at the weekend and is in a coma so I can't do anything about splitting whilst he's got this hanging over him.

I have only got a couple of friends locally but they have their own stuff, so I'm helping them as best I can but I'm getting nothing back.

I tried all last year to make at least a passing friendship with people at the school gates but I'm ignored there as well.

My DM is very good at practical stuff but zero emotional support, DF is a moody arse at the best of times and is much better at kicking me when I'm down than anything. I have to see him regularly though because DM watches DS while I work (DP works shifts and I can't get childcare to cover until 10pm)

My job is also shitty and full of backstabbing and gossip, with a disgusting old man for a boss but I have no confidence to go for anything else.

I have no money, DS is desperate to go to Butlins but I can't even afford to get some cheap camping gear let alone pay for a holiday park. I was given a free cinema ticket but can't afford to pay for DS' ticket so it's a summer holiday of walks and parks, which I know he will enjoy but I would like to spoil him.

Everything is just too too much and I feel like I'm failing in every part of my life

So yeah, lots of poor me there

OP posts:

Original poster

BumbleFeck · 06/08/2014 23:07

And I'm obviously not good at flouncing either

OP posts:

BabyGoose · 06/08/2014 23:16

Well I think spending summer holidays having fun in parks sounds ace.

I think that you need to put aside the other issues and get rid of the man. He needs to sort himself out, not you. You can't be responsible for everything and everyone (here's a secret I bloody think I do). Easier said than done.

Once you no longer have him in your life you'll have more energy. You will feel confident and the shitty people at work can be ignored or challenged as you see fit.

Are you a natural coper? Does everyone in real life just assume you'll be fine? If that's the case then sometimes you need to bite the bullet and ask for support from your friends.

Keep posting. Glad you changed your mind.

ThistleDoMeNicely · 06/08/2014 23:17

Bumble I'm still here but my phone is playing up terribly.

I will respond fully tomorrow as will cry if I type out an entire message again for me to lose connection

Try and get a good sleep tonight. Fwiw I think you need to separate your problems into can do something now, make a plan and can deal with it later categories but will reply a bit more in depth tomorrow.

Pyjamaramadrama · 06/08/2014 23:17

Hi bumblefeck. So sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I feel a bit like how you describe too atm and can really relate to all the things that you're saying.

Don't go, just yet. Perhaps you're not getting answers because you have a big list of things, I've offloaded here before and I think people can't really break it all down.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/08/2014 23:22

Oh no, bumble.

Someone up thread was right about founding your niche. It could even start innocuously like a baking board and then you start chatting about other stuff.

But now you're here and you can chat about anything you want. Can you fling something on eBay to cover a treat for DS?

LiberalLibertines · 06/08/2014 23:22

I'm glad you're rubbish at flouncing, it's over rated.

Ok, so you feel trapped in lots of ways, first though,I think if you could give your dp the news that you know you no longer want to be in the relationship, and yes, it's a shit time, but he's got 2 months say to find somewhere else, you would feel there was light at the end of the tunnel?

Kids and money I understand all too well! It's hard when you can't do what you'd like, but try and bear in mind, those are your expectations, not your child's, they really are happy just having fun with you.

SecretWitch · 06/08/2014 23:23

Honey, I'm very sorry things are so shit for you :( I'm poor too, so I can sympathize with the no money to take my children out to play this summer. We try to do free very low cost things with our six year old to give her sense of summer fun. We have been to free summer concerts, free days at the local children's museum, we packed lunches and went swimming at local beaches, we turned on the sprinkler when it was really hot, we stayed up late to see the stars and eat popcorn outside...I don't know how old you dc are but we check out local listings to see what might be happening close by that we can do for free or very low cost..

It sounds like you are really having a hard time coping with your DP? If you don't want to leave him at this time, you might want to start thinking about when/ if the right time will be. What plans do you have in place? Where will you and your dc live? What support can you expect from your soon to bee xpartner? Will you make the break before school term starts up?

Please know the MN community is generally very caring. I'm sorry you slipped through the cracks. I understand how it can feel to be ignored. I always post and assume I'm going to be the one to kill the thread. I hope you will stay, but if you go, at least know, you were heard..

orangestripe · 06/08/2014 23:23

babygoose I've just tried to answer some unanswereds too. I'm not much use on most of the ones I saw but tried to bump a couple at least.

Bumble - oof, that's a heck of a lot you're dealing with there. Sounds like you're a lovely mum to your DS. Sorry to hear all the other stuff (friends, work stuff, your DF, your DP, money) but perhaps if you can't change anything else in your life right now you could focus on your time with your DS?

LiberalLibertines · 06/08/2014 23:25

And I agree with above, that if you get control of your home life, you will feel more able to tackle work.

EATmum · 06/08/2014 23:28

Where are you based OP? Could others suggest activities in your area that are free? Also I think I've killed more threads than I've contributed to, so please don't take it personally at all if you don't get responses unless I'm really doing this all wrong

QueenQueenie · 06/08/2014 23:31

One thing at a time I would suggest op... For me I think staying in a bad relationship that I don't want to be in would affect everything else and make me very miserable indeed. Maybe set yourself some timescales and goals for sorting things out with your partner? Have you found out about what help (tax credits etc) you might be entitled to if you separate? Can you make some practical plans for how you'd manage if you were a single parent? Contact arrangements that would help you to work etc?

Glad you told us something about what is upsetting you.

ghostisonthecanvas · 06/08/2014 23:33

Hi bumble
I am sorry yoy haven't had responses. I used to try to do unanswered messages but I have cut back on my MN time. Maybe I need to ignore active and look there instead.
can you let us know your area? Sometimes there are local meetups. Can you look at changing things one at a time? First to go, partner. Sounds hard but he is making you unhappy. Next, job hunting. Keep the shit job ril a better one comes along.
I hope you feel hugged tonight and sleep well. I will be checking back tomorrow.

Nevertriedapickledegg · 06/08/2014 23:40

Hi Bumblefeck,

I think lots of people can identify with your post. I think you've started with the relationship for a very good reason - thats the one thing you CAN control. You can make a decision to separate and stick to your guns. Don't allow yourself to be talked around, as by compromising in this you will feel worse. Put yourself first in this instance.

Having done that, there is plenty of time to address the other things that are making you unhappy, but if the root of your sadness stems from your relationship the get rid!!

The other things are more complex and will take time - but if you feel stronger as a person you will be more likely to put yourself out there to make friends. School gates are notoriously difficult and its not really an opportune moment to make friends so much as catch up. You could always suggest a Saturday day out with DC's friend(s) and their mums to an activity centre/walk in the park/picnic. Make the first move!

For work: The best advice I've received (and I work in a VERY gossipy place that's rife with nepotism and bullying) is to go to work to work. Try not to get involved in the gossip, do your job, be civil and go home. Engaging in the drama is best avoided. I'm not saying you can't have a laugh at lunchtime or whatever, but don't invest too much in people that are colleagues rather than friends.

Be strong and have faith in yourself. You sound like you're going through a rotten time but it will pass. Change the things you can. ((hugs)) xx

Nevertriedapickledegg · 06/08/2014 23:42

X posts with ghost queen and others re: relationship

Coughle · 06/08/2014 23:53

I'm off to the unanswereds. Sorry you felt so unheard. It's good to see the lovely answers here. See, mn can be wonderful

elQuintoConyo · 06/08/2014 23:54

No advive because it'll be shit.

But I can throw flowers about with wild abandon

A wise man once said (and I most definitely misquote!) that there are three spheres in your life:
Family/friends
Job
Love/Relationship

If one of those is a bit off, the other two are enough to support you. If two are off (as your relationship and job), then you are pretty shakey.

You need to be able to find a solution to at least one of your two problems. I'd suggedt relationship first - life is too short to be with unsuitable men.

But what do I know, I'm just a flower-flinger

SecretWitch · 07/08/2014 00:41

I shall join ElQuinto, my specialty is cake tossing.. and perhaps a bit of

Hope you are feeling a bit bitter now..

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