Cheerio

[VelvetSnow]

I wouldn't expect many to recognise me but I just thought I'd say cheerio.

MN is not the place for me anymore.

Recent events have left me completely disillusioned and I just don't have the confidence to post anymore.

I didn't even make it a year! Shame that.

Wishing everyone all the best.

Bye.

Well the feminists are lurking on this thread - say hello! Now you would think that with so many posters saying they will not post on the feminism thread that they would start to wonder why and perhaps tone make themselves more welcoming? Or at least think about their posting styles?

On the deleted thread I named Hully, Pag, Custy and BeerTricksPotter. All sworn enemies of mine.

Oh no, it's gawn.
Whatever happened, when I left everbody was being very nice.

Oh dear.

I hope this sounds luffy rather than arselicky Rhubarb (particularly following my admiration of your decolletage), but you were brilliant on that FB thread. I am very, very grateful to you for standing up for youself so well and therefore making a stand for those of us who've been accused of being rape apologists in the past.

There is so much wilfull misunderstanding on MN. Not just in Feminism but on AIBU.

those of us who've been wrongfully accused of being rape apologists in the past I should have said.

I post in Feminism, Maryz (I'm lovecat in disguise btw) and I like to think I'm reasonable. I haven't noticed any 'unwelcomingness' (not a word, I know, I know), tbh. Some people post more abruptly than others, but many do that all over the board.

I have noticed a lot of people taking umbrage in FWR at the slightest disagreement with their opinions.

ImDave - there are a lot of feminists I really respect on those threads. Dittany was a long-standing feminist and she and I would have lots of debates but never once did she resort to calling me a rape apologist and nor would she even consider it. Her debating style was intelligent, thoughtful and reasoned and although we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, there was never any grudge holding and when we did agree we would chuckle about it.

But I guess the feminist thread is a victim of its own success - as is Mumsnet as a whole really. There are lots of lovely, kind and fluffy posters on here but sometimes it can seem to be dominated by one or two very vocal posters who see themselves as Head Girls and have a bunch of groupies who drown out any reasonable response with their aggressive tactics. So when you see a thread whinging about how Mumsnet has changed, it's usually because the poster has had the Mumsnet Viper Treatment.

BUT, having said that I don't think Mumsnet has those Head Girls at the moment. Not that I've noticed.

Hmm, I think threads ARE discussed on facebook. That's life.
I joined Twitter recently under my username just to promote my blog mainly, and threads are linked to on there regularly.

Maryz that kind of thing is just so bloody infuriating. Thing is I'm not (for a variety of reasons) up to the job of defending myself properly. So I've given up.

Having read the thread in question, I began with a similar opinion to you, but then as I read further, and read some of the links given, I realised that actually, no, saying a rapist is "other" is doing everyone a disservice.

No-one was saying that your specific son/husband/brother was a rapist, just that you can't say that all rapists are somehow spottable. Society creates the conditions where men think they have the right to have sex above all else, and many men (who haven't thought about the issues) buy into that. They don't see themselves as rapists when they shag their sleeping girlfriends or pressure unwilling partners into sex. And sadly, neither do a lot of women. And yes, those women who make excuses for men's behaviour when they have sex without consent ARE rape apologists.

But this thread is about VelvetSnow, surely? Let's not drag grudges across the board, that's really not very nice at all.

x-post - that was in response to the 15yo boy thing.

Has anyone taken the empties out from Velvet's Kitchen yet? And whoever put their fag out in the goldfish tank - you should be ashamed of yourself

Don't do it here, the thread will get deleted and it's for Velvet.

Start one, really.

And I think that whole thread was full of misunderstandings and misplaced umbrage.

I think most threads need to start with some calm, measured defining of terms so everyone is talking about the same thing.

Mary, I think Dave was talking about today's thread, not your one.

BUT STOP!!!!!

Erm no, she was talking about the 15yo boy one. Not that I read it.

What bus stop?

No, Rhubs, I wasn't. Hully had it. Please don't stir.

I'm a bit confused. I know unecceasary hysteria of the tabloid type is annoying but people 'frothing' about an act of child abuse is reasonable I would say. I want to know where all these interfering, over reacting types are?

Because I was abused as a child and nobody did a damn thing. It was exactly the mentality of don't get involved, don't over react that caused me years of heartache. Because we were outwardly a normal family. You would have thought the neglect and the outward signs of disordered eating and self harm would have alerted someone

And I will put a because that is what it is

squarebugs, I'm truly sorry to hear that, and of course you are right in those cases.

What a horrible thread - really nasty to turn someone's goodbye thread into a bitch fest.

FWIW, I too feel too scared to post in feminism at the moment, rhubarb, because of your nasty aggressive attitude on that thread. So congratulations, if you think you've somehow changed the attitudes there, yes, you have - you've made more people feel unwelcome there.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!