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Feminism: chat

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Obstetric violence - legs forced open against my will

560 replies

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 10:13

When I was in labour with my daughter, the midwives spent twenty minutes trying to force my legs open to get me flat on my back with my legs up. There was no emergency. It was so they could get a better CTG reading. I physically resisted for as long as I could and verbally told them to stop. They didn't stop until I gave up. After that they did other things without my consent, but I did not they to stop them again.
I complained to the hospital and they have done nothing. I complained to the police and they told me there must have been an emergency. I've complained to the NMC and the CQC. I hope they will do something but it's a long process so I won't know for a long time.
The police used to say that domestic violence was a private matter. They used to say that if you got in the car/went into the apartment/were drinking then you must have agreed to it. I think this is exactly the same type of justification, applied to equally criminal behaviour.
I don't think my experience is abnormal. I think this is fairly routine. They thought that when I gave up that meant I consented.

OP posts:
NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:20

Barbie222 · 24/08/2026 20:14

Why would you think that your case has parallels with a rape case?

This would be a totally different point of law and would revolve around the standard of care given in your labour. This line of thinking really isn’t going to help you.

Standard of care means offering the right treatment. This was them using force when I was refusing.
That's not about standards of care, it's assault.

OP posts:
NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:20

Pinkchickenwine · 24/08/2026 20:18

Because it seems implausible! Several midwives for 20 mins? I cannot see how that could happen. That’s my thought process, that’s why I asked.

Two or three, not sure which but definitely more than one.
And at least four in the room because they were named in the notes.

OP posts:
Pinkchickenwine · 24/08/2026 20:28

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:20

Two or three, not sure which but definitely more than one.
And at least four in the room because they were named in the notes.

Edited

Multiple people using physical force to attempt to pry my legs open for twenty minutes is assault

You stated multiple and that’s what I commented on! It was your post with your own words I quoted.

You’re now saying 2/3 so not multiple, so my post isn’t relevant, but that’s not multiple or several, so maybe it’s not that implausible, don’t know?

Pinkchickenwine · 24/08/2026 20:29

Pinkchickenwine · 24/08/2026 20:28

Multiple people using physical force to attempt to pry my legs open for twenty minutes is assault

You stated multiple and that’s what I commented on! It was your post with your own words I quoted.

You’re now saying 2/3 so not multiple, so my post isn’t relevant, but that’s not multiple or several, so maybe it’s not that implausible, don’t know?

And was your husband not able to advise how many?

Barbie222 · 24/08/2026 20:30

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:20

Two or three, not sure which but definitely more than one.
And at least four in the room because they were named in the notes.

Edited

Would you be looking for all four to be charged with assault, or just specific individuals? Do you have evidence as to which midwife touched you? Was there bruising or marks left?

I do still feel this is not the best way for you to advocate for birth to be better and more empowering for women, but these are questions that would be asked in the event the CPS took your case on.

Would it not make more sense to pursue the complaint with the trust and improve birth care for all women? Most of the stories on here relate to poor care or outdated techniques rather than intentional assault by a few individuals?

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:35

Barbie222 · 24/08/2026 20:30

Would you be looking for all four to be charged with assault, or just specific individuals? Do you have evidence as to which midwife touched you? Was there bruising or marks left?

I do still feel this is not the best way for you to advocate for birth to be better and more empowering for women, but these are questions that would be asked in the event the CPS took your case on.

Would it not make more sense to pursue the complaint with the trust and improve birth care for all women? Most of the stories on here relate to poor care or outdated techniques rather than intentional assault by a few individuals?

I've also gone to the trust. Honestly, there is next to no chance the police will even look at my notes or speak to anyone about this, but if it's ever going to stop the police need to be part of the solution. There's no financial injury so at the end of the day the hospital doesn't really care. There's no incentive to prioritise it.
I hope that when my daughters give birth I will not have to be afraid of this happening to them.

OP posts:
YourAquaLion · 24/08/2026 20:37

I had monitoring for the heartbeat and was told that I needed to lay on my back for it otherwise it wouldn’t work properly. I wanted to go on all fours at one point but the midwife said we had started monitoring so I had to stay on my back. I trusted she knew what she was doing and did as she said. Labour was the worst pain ever (but fine once the epidural went in). I have a very healthy baby. I don’t think these midwives wanted anything else for you but that. I’m sorry it was so distressing but they just wanted to keep an eye on your baby in the way that they’d been trained to do so. I think you should focus on your healthy baby rather than this fight.

oviraptor21 · 24/08/2026 20:39

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 24/08/2026 14:28

I think the biggest issue is your recollection of events versus your husband just sitting there. The staff pinning you down and forcing your legs apart for 20 mins whilst you were repeatedly saying/shouting you didn’t consent yet your husband just sat by isn’t plausible. If he did do that then you are probably feeling double whammy of your husband not protecting you at your most vulnerable.
I’d definitely look into some type of counselling to help you process. I had a debrief with a specialist midwife and some counselling with a specialist nurse after my child was born with a significant disability and it did help. I experienced ptsd flashbacks until she was 5 ish so time also helped.

Yes. This is exactly what I had. Not only was I having to advocate strongly for things which has been discussed and agreed with my consultant in the weeks prior to the birth, but my DH just say there saying nothing. So yes this absolutely does happen. Not all men are good advocates for women in labour.
I also had a number of complaints about the way this particular birth was handled - and I was "multiparous" as they say, and still they ignored me. The most heinous was discovering when I got my notes following a SAR that a drug had been administered which I had specifically said I was refusing unless I was actively haemorrhaging. The response was that I had given consent (I certainly hadn't) and that it was my word against theirs.

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:41

YourAquaLion · 24/08/2026 20:37

I had monitoring for the heartbeat and was told that I needed to lay on my back for it otherwise it wouldn’t work properly. I wanted to go on all fours at one point but the midwife said we had started monitoring so I had to stay on my back. I trusted she knew what she was doing and did as she said. Labour was the worst pain ever (but fine once the epidural went in). I have a very healthy baby. I don’t think these midwives wanted anything else for you but that. I’m sorry it was so distressing but they just wanted to keep an eye on your baby in the way that they’d been trained to do so. I think you should focus on your healthy baby rather than this fight.

I'm sorry they kept you on your back.

OP posts:
rumplestiltskin88 · 24/08/2026 20:50

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:35

I've also gone to the trust. Honestly, there is next to no chance the police will even look at my notes or speak to anyone about this, but if it's ever going to stop the police need to be part of the solution. There's no financial injury so at the end of the day the hospital doesn't really care. There's no incentive to prioritise it.
I hope that when my daughters give birth I will not have to be afraid of this happening to them.

It actually happens to nurses and midwives too. Nurses are assaulted and abused by patients far more than the other way around and the police do very little about it . So yeh, you have a point . It’s like these things are ignored when they happen in a hospital setting I guess .

Conundrummum123 · 24/08/2026 20:54

Justanopinionnothingmore · 24/08/2026 10:37

This.

A CTG reading is to make sure baby is not in distress. No she should never force you but a CTG is often so important to make sure baby does not get into distress, which can show signs of tachycardia/ bradycardia or swallowed meconium Etc. It can lead into fatal complications. So the midwife should have been more caring into making you understand why it was important not trying to force your legs apart though!

Edited

No, not ‘this’

there might have been a clinical need, might not have, you don’t know you weren’t there. I’ve heard of instance of the ctg being used instead of the Doppler every 15 mins. There is no clinical need for someone to be forced onto their back. And like it or not, it is her choice, it may be against medical advice but you can choose not to have any form of monitoring and treatment. Drs and midwives are not there to strong arm you and pin you down.

Conundrummum123 · 24/08/2026 20:57

Pinkchickenwine · 24/08/2026 20:28

Multiple people using physical force to attempt to pry my legs open for twenty minutes is assault

You stated multiple and that’s what I commented on! It was your post with your own words I quoted.

You’re now saying 2/3 so not multiple, so my post isn’t relevant, but that’s not multiple or several, so maybe it’s not that implausible, don’t know?

2 or 3 is multiple.

shes not in trial, Jesus Christ.

you cannot do something to a patient without their consent. End of.

this is sort of cross examination is why women don’t come forward about assault. Stop gaslighting

sharkshit · 24/08/2026 20:58

I’m so sorry you experienced this, it is absolutely NOT right or ok!

I had a planned cesarean which had some issues including a massive bleed, but the worst part that sticks in my head was a midwife had a student midwife put the catheter in. She didn’t even introduce herself to me or ask consent to do this, I only knew because I could see the reflection in the overhead metal light! It felt very violating because consent in so important.

In contrast, one of the night midwives demonstrated respect and consent perfectly. I called her for help in getting my baby to latch, and she still asked consent before touching me each time! It made a huge difference and I felt really good about that experience.

I would keep pushing with your complaint, especially with what we are learning about maternity care recently. A midwife may have great technical skills and knowledge, but it’s consent and bedside manner which can really shape the birth experience.

TrixieFatell · 24/08/2026 20:59

YourAquaLion · 24/08/2026 20:37

I had monitoring for the heartbeat and was told that I needed to lay on my back for it otherwise it wouldn’t work properly. I wanted to go on all fours at one point but the midwife said we had started monitoring so I had to stay on my back. I trusted she knew what she was doing and did as she said. Labour was the worst pain ever (but fine once the epidural went in). I have a very healthy baby. I don’t think these midwives wanted anything else for you but that. I’m sorry it was so distressing but they just wanted to keep an eye on your baby in the way that they’d been trained to do so. I think you should focus on your healthy baby rather than this fight.

Your midwife lied to you. Or she didn't give you the full facts. CEM is totally possible in other positions especially in all fours but it can mean extra work for the midwife. If there was a concern with effectively monitoring the heartbeat they could have discussed an fetal scalp electrode which is a small coil that goes into the scalp and means you don't have the abdominal transducers on. It can mean baby is left with a small mark.on their head though. I'm sorry that you had to stay in a position that wasnt what you wanted.

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 21:07

rumplestiltskin88 · 24/08/2026 20:50

It actually happens to nurses and midwives too. Nurses are assaulted and abused by patients far more than the other way around and the police do very little about it . So yeh, you have a point . It’s like these things are ignored when they happen in a hospital setting I guess .

That's awful. You should be protected at work.
Although apparently the police don't do much about assault full stop so i guess that's another problem.

OP posts:
Jamtomorrowneverjamtoday · 24/08/2026 21:26

Well I believe this happened to you, implausible as it may sound, because I had similar. I was forced to lie on my back with my legs in stirrups for three hours, literally begging to be allowed to sit up. I had sciatica for the second half of my pregnancy and could walk only short distances painfully. Lying on my back was excruciating. This was all in my notes and I told them but it was ignored, to the point one midwife said “I find it hard to believe it hurts just lying down between contractions.”

I was also given an episiotomy without consent and injected to get the placenta out even though I’d said I didn’t want it.

After my birth, all the blood vessels in and around my eyes had burst due to the pressure in my head and I looked like I’d been punched in the face repeatedly. I have no nice photos of me and the baby for the first month while that healed. I also had zero feeling in my crotch area for around six weeks - totally incontinent, couldn’t feel a thing. It gradually came back - no one was able to explain why that happened.

So yes, I believe you. I’m sorry that happened. No one should have treated you like that, you deserved to be treated with respect and humanity and they fell short.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 24/08/2026 21:37

Pinkchickenwine · 24/08/2026 20:28

Multiple people using physical force to attempt to pry my legs open for twenty minutes is assault

You stated multiple and that’s what I commented on! It was your post with your own words I quoted.

You’re now saying 2/3 so not multiple, so my post isn’t relevant, but that’s not multiple or several, so maybe it’s not that implausible, don’t know?

If you suspect OP is faking or trolling, you report your suspicions to MN, along with the evidence you have for this. If they get enough reports and/or the evidence is compelling, they will shut down the thread.

The OP has been through a very traumatising physically violating event where she is not believed or being listened to.

She comes on here, the very LEAST we can do is listen. We don't retraumatise her with our disbelief as well.

If you think she's lying, report and move on.

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 21:40

Jamtomorrowneverjamtoday · 24/08/2026 21:26

Well I believe this happened to you, implausible as it may sound, because I had similar. I was forced to lie on my back with my legs in stirrups for three hours, literally begging to be allowed to sit up. I had sciatica for the second half of my pregnancy and could walk only short distances painfully. Lying on my back was excruciating. This was all in my notes and I told them but it was ignored, to the point one midwife said “I find it hard to believe it hurts just lying down between contractions.”

I was also given an episiotomy without consent and injected to get the placenta out even though I’d said I didn’t want it.

After my birth, all the blood vessels in and around my eyes had burst due to the pressure in my head and I looked like I’d been punched in the face repeatedly. I have no nice photos of me and the baby for the first month while that healed. I also had zero feeling in my crotch area for around six weeks - totally incontinent, couldn’t feel a thing. It gradually came back - no one was able to explain why that happened.

So yes, I believe you. I’m sorry that happened. No one should have treated you like that, you deserved to be treated with respect and humanity and they fell short.

I'm so sorry this was done to you. I hope you have recovered.
I wish this was rare but i don't think it is.

OP posts:
LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 24/08/2026 21:44

And it's not implausible at all that there were several midwives being hands-on with OP IME.

Btw, to the midwives/former midwives here, isn't CTG normally done with the patient lying on her side so that the major blood vessels are not being pressurised by the weight of the pregnancy?

Squishymama · 24/08/2026 21:44

NibliaBiblia · 24/08/2026 20:20

Two or three, not sure which but definitely more than one.
And at least four in the room because they were named in the notes.

Edited

Even just this screams emergency/possible emergency so they were concerned.

I was high risk and consultant led, the only thing I noticed compared to other people’s experiences is that my midwife didn’t leave me for any time, not even a “see how you’re doing in 1/2 hour”. She was there the whole time I was in labour. 4 midwives is another thing that makes me think there was something concerning going on and you weren’t doing what you needed to be. Whether they acted inappropriately or not none of us here will probably ever know. But I have to be honest I don’t think they maliciously assaulted you for a laugh or out of spite. You said on a previous post somewhere you were too exhausted to respond, so for you to be unresponsive enough for them then to have to try and physically move you, and you not being compliant when it came to the safety of you and your baby when you were in labour…

I really think you need to be thankful everyone is good and healthy and get on with your life.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 24/08/2026 21:48

Squishymama · 24/08/2026 21:44

Even just this screams emergency/possible emergency so they were concerned.

I was high risk and consultant led, the only thing I noticed compared to other people’s experiences is that my midwife didn’t leave me for any time, not even a “see how you’re doing in 1/2 hour”. She was there the whole time I was in labour. 4 midwives is another thing that makes me think there was something concerning going on and you weren’t doing what you needed to be. Whether they acted inappropriately or not none of us here will probably ever know. But I have to be honest I don’t think they maliciously assaulted you for a laugh or out of spite. You said on a previous post somewhere you were too exhausted to respond, so for you to be unresponsive enough for them then to have to try and physically move you, and you not being compliant when it came to the safety of you and your baby when you were in labour…

I really think you need to be thankful everyone is good and healthy and get on with your life.

"I really think you need to be thankful everyone is good and healthy and get on with your life."

This kind of dismissive "get over it" patronising shit is why women struggle with birth trauma, with lifelong consequences. The midwives should have discussed with her afterwards why they did felt compelled to physically force her.

IdaGlossop · 24/08/2026 21:50

Although my birth experience 23 years ago was not traumatic, there was one incident that gave me,a non-medic,an insight into the culture of the NHS. I knew I needed an anti-D injection because of my O negative blood group. Several hours after the birth, a nurse administered the injection. The following day, I was offered another and explained that I had already had one. On the third day, the same thing happened. To this day, I do not know if two or more anti-D injections would be harmful, or whether women are still offered multiple injections after birth.

Once I was back home, I wrote to the head of midwifery, stressing that my letter was not a complaint and outlining what had happened. It included a suggestion that a cross be put through the note on the front of the patient record once the injection had been given. Two days later, I received a letter that included a complaint number and a contact name. The same day, I phoned the contact to ask for my case to be removed from the complaints system as I had explicitly said it was not a complaint. She told me that she knew there was a new complaints procedure but that no-one had told her she was a contact.

After several months of to-ing and fro-ing, I was offered a slot in a patient focus group, which I declined, having a small baby to look after at the time.

The two things I concluded from this: a) simple, cost-free solutions are of no interest to the NHS; b) continuous improvement is not embedded into the collective psyche of the NHS. The traumatic cases of childbirth described in this thread suggest the second of these still the case, and that the first instinct of those dealing with feedback or complaints is to avoid anything might hint at liability. OP is to be commended for her persistence. One motive of those of us who do is that others will benefit but we are fighting an uphill battle.

momtoboys · 24/08/2026 21:56

How old is your child during whose birth you were assaulted? You said you were able to talk about it after a 2nd healing birth. Did you mention your feelings shortly after the 1st birth or wait until after the 2nd?

EveningSpread · 24/08/2026 21:59

Gengha · 24/08/2026 13:25

Women with mental capacity are still allowed to make decisions even if they result in their baby dyIng

So as long as women are sane, they’re free to make choices that result in the death of their child? This is a very odd statement, and surely you can see that it can’t be the case?

TrixieFatell · 24/08/2026 22:01

IdaGlossop · 24/08/2026 21:50

Although my birth experience 23 years ago was not traumatic, there was one incident that gave me,a non-medic,an insight into the culture of the NHS. I knew I needed an anti-D injection because of my O negative blood group. Several hours after the birth, a nurse administered the injection. The following day, I was offered another and explained that I had already had one. On the third day, the same thing happened. To this day, I do not know if two or more anti-D injections would be harmful, or whether women are still offered multiple injections after birth.

Once I was back home, I wrote to the head of midwifery, stressing that my letter was not a complaint and outlining what had happened. It included a suggestion that a cross be put through the note on the front of the patient record once the injection had been given. Two days later, I received a letter that included a complaint number and a contact name. The same day, I phoned the contact to ask for my case to be removed from the complaints system as I had explicitly said it was not a complaint. She told me that she knew there was a new complaints procedure but that no-one had told her she was a contact.

After several months of to-ing and fro-ing, I was offered a slot in a patient focus group, which I declined, having a small baby to look after at the time.

The two things I concluded from this: a) simple, cost-free solutions are of no interest to the NHS; b) continuous improvement is not embedded into the collective psyche of the NHS. The traumatic cases of childbirth described in this thread suggest the second of these still the case, and that the first instinct of those dealing with feedback or complaints is to avoid anything might hint at liability. OP is to be commended for her persistence. One motive of those of us who do is that others will benefit but we are fighting an uphill battle.

Sometimes a kleihauer (blood test to measure feto-maternal haemorrhage) can indicate further doses of anti D are required. But again this is something that should have been explained to you. It's a blood product and there are strict criteria in giving it.