Help me reframe my concerns re make-up party for 6yo

[Pamperoff]

First of all, apologies if this isn't in the right topic. I feel that it's driven by my ideas about women and the societal expectations around them so I've gone for it, but happy to be corrected.

Really it's about a parenting issue I have - namely my 6yo daughter being invited to 4 make-up /pamper parties in the next few months. I have to say I'm so uncomfortable with it - mostly because I don't think 5/6/7 years olds should be wearing make-up, and neither should they be normalising the idea that they should be interested in skin care and looking 'pretty'. The whole narrative around looks and comparison is already strong amongst the girls in her school and I hate it.

But, of course, my daughter wants to go as all her friends are - and so I don't think I will refuse her. Instead, I'm looking for some wise words to help me reframe the situation in my own mind, perhaps to see it as a creative outlet rather than true make-up. And perhaps some ways to not overthink the whole thing.

Bonus suggestions for how can I talk to her about appearance/age appropriate use of make-up/need to alter yourself etc (if it comes up naturally and if she initiates conversation, I won't be going in all guns blazing with my opinions otherwise!)

Some little girls love make up, nice nails & pretty dresses. Others don't. It's really not that deep. Let them do what makes them happy. My eldest dd loves sports & outdoors but also likes makeup and trying new things with her hair. That to me is a happy medium. Maybe if it was an obsession then it would be something to worry about.

Surely this is not allowing children to have their own interests? I have zero interest in things that might be seen as stereotypically masculine like sport, engineering, cars, video games. I appreciate completely that there may be many girls and women who do and, equally, many boys and men who feel as I do and have no interest in these things. Surely gifts should take into account the interests and preferences of the recipient? I would hate this as an adult and would have hated it as a child, just as I’d hate being forced to wear neutral androgynous clothing.

Were you obsessed with retinols and serums before you hit puberty?

A good article.

I totally agree there’s an element of make-up being art (I’ve got really into watching Glow Up and some of the artistry is jaw-dropping and it’s definitely not about make-up to make people look ‘better’/more acceptable to narrow norms), but I don’t feel comfortable about this.
I think it’s calling them pamper parties that is the problem for me. Can’t quite articulate why, but it’s something about girls needing to sit around and fiddle with face masks etc while boys run and play sports and make things.

If a child has specifically asked for a present or has a known interest I think that’s different. I meant more for children I didn’t know.

This is an interesting thread because I am planning a party for my to be 7yo and she really wants a pamper party. I have no idea where her interest in make up, sparkly pink things and princesses comes from because I am a nerd who never wears make up and am a bit of a scruffy git to be honest. I played with boys stuff and boys as a child and work in IT.

So I have been working out what to do and was planning a few different activities such as making bracelets, glitter tattoos and a craft activity. The pamper bit is more a wellness tent to put cucumber on eyes and listen to spa music for 2 minutes. No make up or face masks or nails and was planning to reassure parents of this!

I had thought about adding pamper stuff like a spa headband, scrunchie and nail stickers to the party bag but am rethinking after reading this. Perhaps I will try to make it more gender neutral. It's a minefield. It's what she really wants. Where she got the idea from who knows, she isn't online and I know what she watches on netflix. Last year she had an animal theme and we had lizards and a crazy guy entertainer which I thought was fairly out there given the number of princess parties we went to!

I booked a ‘pamper party’ for my daughter’s 8th birthday. I wasn’t keen but I had told my daughter it was her choice. I was super impressed by the company. They did hairstyles, the make up was basically glitter and glitter nail polish. The main body of the party was a mr and Mrs style quiz about my daughter where her friends answered questions, crafting and a lovely heart with a message from each of them about what they valued most about her.

Im sure not all companies are like this but I felt they balanced the desire for sparkle and dress up with a more important message about friendship and what makes a person themselves.

op, hopefully the parties will be like that.

I hadn’t read this when I posted - sounds very similar
to my dd8! I put in the lady bags a hand cream, and a mini bubble bath with some other generic stuff so it focused more on self-care rather than appearance!

One good way is to get it to be face painting, animals etc, and make sure both boys and girls are there, so they don't feel they have to "look beautiful because girls should". Just like with pirate parties, I want my daughter running round, taking part in all the same games my son does. Making sure both sexes are there, and that it's not just a boys or girls thing, because they should all have equal opportunities, helps a lot.

They were clearly your own interests. It’s sensible to be aware of the outside influences that go into your child’s interests as it’s not always good for your child, none of us live in a vacuum and if you think the messaging your daughter is absorbing is harmful, which I do think to girls about what they wear and beauty routines and focus on the visual and there’s a certain way to be then as a parent you really want to counterbalance it. I don’t want my girl having hours less in her week than her brothers to simply have fun or do homework or do sport because she’s absorbed she needs a skincare routine and to do her nails and hair carefully every day, it’s a negative.

I’ve got a daughter who went through a phase of being obsessed with makeup at around 9/10, and is now obsessed with skincare aged 11. Ironic given that I do neither!!!

She went to a lot of those parties then, although interestingly never wanted one herself, so they can’t have been that good! 6 feels a bit young for them.

My take on it is that we shouldn’t value these sort of historically feminine interests lower than historically masculine ones, so I just let her do her thing.

However, I balance it quite strongly with time outdoors getting muddy, being in scouts, activities like climbing, sports, swimming, crafts, music etc. So that we don’t have an association between makeup/skincare and sitting around looking pretty.

And I encourage that her brother is allowed to play too, in the same way as she is allowed to play if he takes over the lounge with gaming. Which is helpful with counterbalancing the sexism imo.