Help me reframe my concerns re make-up party for 6yo

[Pamperoff]

First of all, apologies if this isn't in the right topic. I feel that it's driven by my ideas about women and the societal expectations around them so I've gone for it, but happy to be corrected.

Really it's about a parenting issue I have - namely my 6yo daughter being invited to 4 make-up /pamper parties in the next few months. I have to say I'm so uncomfortable with it - mostly because I don't think 5/6/7 years olds should be wearing make-up, and neither should they be normalising the idea that they should be interested in skin care and looking 'pretty'. The whole narrative around looks and comparison is already strong amongst the girls in her school and I hate it.

But, of course, my daughter wants to go as all her friends are - and so I don't think I will refuse her. Instead, I'm looking for some wise words to help me reframe the situation in my own mind, perhaps to see it as a creative outlet rather than true make-up. And perhaps some ways to not overthink the whole thing.

Bonus suggestions for how can I talk to her about appearance/age appropriate use of make-up/need to alter yourself etc (if it comes up naturally and if she initiates conversation, I won't be going in all guns blazing with my opinions otherwise!)

Weird. I managed to get two degrees and a successful career while loving makeup and skincare!

Youre missing the point. The ‘improved’ isn’t because they’ve covered a spot, it’s because they’ve covered their natural face in something else. All these parties is normalising this as what girls do at a very young age. There are just so many things for kids to do and play that focussing on what they look like seems to me a huge mistake. I’d let my dd go rather than have her left out, but it wouldn’t be her party.

It’s about having fun. Not how they look.

How was what i said lecturing others which bit?

I detest these parties and the influencers pushing products on younger and younger children.

It is totally setting girls up to see all of this crap as 'necessary maintenance' rather than just utter rubbish that mostly damages the skin. It is selling the idea to them - it's not that different to giving them an Ann summers party so they can get used to the idea of 'personal pleasure'

I would really struggle with this - no way on earth would I arrange a party like this, despite any pleading and Iwe might be busy as a family if it were on offer - in fact I would make sure I was offering something alternative to the party - something involving being outside and moving.

It’s teaching them at a really young and impressionable age that having fun is about focussing on your looks and changing them. Instead of having fun is a good book or being outside or building things or playing sport or helping bake….

Oh this is very depressing and very sad.
It beggars belief that parents think this is an appropriate thing for a 6 year old.

I'm afraid my DD wouldn't be going. You can't dictate what other parents do but you can maintain your own boundaries and beliefs when it comes to parenting.

Definitely a no no for me with my 6yr old. I find them very unhygienic too many shared brushes, lippies etc etc and Heaven knows what else.

Stick to dressing up!

Very depressing to hear that this is a normal party activity for six year old girls - why not a treasure hunt or picnic with games? They shouldn’t be focused on their appearance at this age.

And agree that if it were my DD she wouldn’t be going either.

My daughters are 27 and 30 and this was a thing in their childhood as well. They had some affluent friends whose parents paid £££ for this sort of rubbish.

Honestly? I don’t think it has much bearing on what happens in their teen years or as an adult. I would just treat it as ‘dressing up’.

For what it’s worth, one DD doesn’t often wear makeup and one does. Neither grew up obsessed with appearance. One DD remarked that I never commented on her weight and all her friends mothers commented on theirs. I think it’s what you model at home that is important.

I agree about this disgusting scam being sold to young girls. Skincare for kids with perfect skin!
But I also think this industry is, and always has been, a disgusting scam being foisted upon women of all ages. It’s just that the tweens (and now ever younger girls) are a previously untapped market.
My skin is far from perfect and it’s only getting worse. Of course, the more money I spend and the more effort I put in, the better it will be for those with the misfortune to have to look at my face. Or not.
I choose not.

My DGD had a party like this - I think she was probably 7 or 8 and it was what everyone was going for that year. It was honestly just glorified dressing up. Her male cousins, slightly younger, came too and they all had a giggle. She’s a teen now, and really isn’t in to make up. All the angst on here is seriously misplaced.

Straw man. You know perfectly well that isn't what she said. You'll also be working under the pressures that women face at work to be acceptable feminine. And to pull a second shift when you get home. In fact Naomi Wolf called the time/effort/expenseon appearance for women the third shift in The Beauty Myth.

Any other bits of feminism you'd like to debunk as "angst" on the feminism board 🤣?

Totally agree with this!

I’ve noticed that there seems to be a proportion of mothers that want their dds to do more grown up things very quickly - make up and skincare being one of them. Then they and their dd can do Sephora shopping hauls at aged 8. I think it’s to do with wanting their dd to be in or popular. I’ve never been in or popular but I’m always well liked and it looks like my dd is going a similar way.

We always go to parties if we can, but 4 pamper parties in a row for aged 6 little girls is madness and also boring. I think we’d be busy for a couple tbh.

How sad that this is a normal party for kids girls now. If it’s just face-painting and creativity, why not a face-painting party?

Are any boys invited or is it presently as a “girly” activity?

OTOH regarding spa treatments and self care… I cba with makeup and lotions day-to-day at this and have accumulated a tonne of face/body creams over the years. DP has become obsessed with clearing out our bathroom drawers and has started a ritual where we all put cream on each other’s feet and lower legs after evening showers, and actually it’s a lovely family moment especially in the hot weather. I think the context is really important.

I don't imagine you ever get professionals in to help your kids play house though. Or would think of playing house as a party theme. So it already sounds like quite a different thing.