Can a man truly be a feminist?

[OneLimeDuck]

Just for a little bit of context I have and do challenge people, well other men essentially, when they things that are sexist or do things that are inappropriate or could cause distress.
Today at work a female colleague was showing a new member of the department, also female, the procedure for a particular activity. This procedure requires me to give an authorisation for part of it.
On entering my office the longstanding colleague introduced me to her new colleague and we went through my part of the procedure.
As they left I overheard my longstanding colleague say to the new person "OneLimeDuck is one of the good guys, he is a feminist."

Reflecting on this I don't believe I am, I fact I don't think anyman can be.

My reasoning is as follows:

I can be aware of and know about the issues faced by women in society, such as having to deal with aggressive male behaviour or not having their contributions valued, etc.

I cannot however fully understand them as they are not my lived experience, so I accept that in reality I don't fully appreciate just how problematic things actually are.

An example is when listening to a woman making a point of argument about female righrs etc, or even reading one in a forum, I don't immediately 'get it' but have to think about it.

So, forget about me as an individual but do you agree with me that no man can truly be a feminist?

If you think a man can, or even could be, then what would it be about him that would,i your view, make him one?

Ironically the on,y men who come close don’t believe they are. IME the men who will step in and actually do something, respectfully and without taking away power, don’t call themselves feminists. The ones that do, want alllllll the praise, and often sex.

Example, I run with a group but don’t like running and chatting. Turned up once at group and it was only me and Bob, ex army, very gruff. Bob says that he knows I like to run solo but it’s really dodgy and dark and we’re running down a canal towpath so do I mind if he loops back a bit to check on me. I says thanks. He leaves me to run, I don’t see him. I run round a corner, dodgy drunk bloke starts talking to me, Bob appears. Gets between me and drunk bloke, very peaceably, we run past, Bob buggers off.

Bob supported me with the additional risk I faced, the harassment. And he did it without expecting anything, without bothering me, without macho shit, without making it weird and while respecting my boundaries.

Unsurprisingly, Bob has a wonderful wife and three great girls.

Men who quietly do the hard work of being allies while looking for no benefit from themselves, they get close.

Thank you for your response.

Your comment

"Men who quietly do the hard work of being allies while looking for no benefit from themselves, they get close."

This struck me as I remember a few years ago a whole host of people, including male politicians, being pictured wearing T-Shirts saying 'This is what a feminist looks like'.

I found it rather performative and thinking no, this is what someone wearing a t-shirt saying this is what a feminist looks like looks like.

Feminism is the radical idea that women are people.

Yes, I believe that men can be totally valid feminists in the general sense - recognising women as a full human beings and not being blind and deaf when something is not ok.
It's ok that you need to think about things and concepts which are new for you.

The more questionable part is when being a feminist becomes a man's identity. Men who is proud and declarative about being a feminist can easily slip to caring more about himself as feminist than about women's equality.

If women say it about you, take it as a shortcut for "not a complete jerk". It's nice to be recognised as a good person, but being a good person isn't done and over when being recognised, it's an everyday work.

You know I am conflicted. Certainly they can be allies to women and girls.