Can a man truly be a feminist?

[OneLimeDuck]

Just for a little bit of context I have and do challenge people, well other men essentially, when they things that are sexist or do things that are inappropriate or could cause distress.
Today at work a female colleague was showing a new member of the department, also female, the procedure for a particular activity. This procedure requires me to give an authorisation for part of it.
On entering my office the longstanding colleague introduced me to her new colleague and we went through my part of the procedure.
As they left I overheard my longstanding colleague say to the new person "OneLimeDuck is one of the good guys, he is a feminist."

Reflecting on this I don't believe I am, I fact I don't think anyman can be.

My reasoning is as follows:

I can be aware of and know about the issues faced by women in society, such as having to deal with aggressive male behaviour or not having their contributions valued, etc.

I cannot however fully understand them as they are not my lived experience, so I accept that in reality I don't fully appreciate just how problematic things actually are.

An example is when listening to a woman making a point of argument about female righrs etc, or even reading one in a forum, I don't immediately 'get it' but have to think about it.

So, forget about me as an individual but do you agree with me that no man can truly be a feminist?

If you think a man can, or even could be, then what would it be about him that would,i your view, make him one?

If mn is anything to go by it's rare. But men don't get points for doing those things. They are just misogynistic for not doing them in the first place.

@WallaceinAnderland I absolutely appreciate that my husband does all of these - and more. Just as an example, I do no cooking whatsoever!
My ex-husband was the polar opposite and, at the age of 45, I am yet to come across one other man that is genuinely shares the load fairly and/or doesn't hold misogynistic values to some degree.
But then I do see women themselves accepting the patriarchy too - title and name change upon marriage being just one example (with the vast majority of married women in the UK still adopting this).

I agree. Thankfully, I have a husband like yours. It’s not a generation thing either. Mine is 72, we have been together 18-years.

Interesting how many people think every must be split down the middle for it to be equality, without considering how equity plays a vital role.

I think men can be feminists and never truly understand the struggles of women.

It doesn't have to be split down the middle but they do need to be equal partners.

I agree. But what makes partners equal varies enormously from one person to the next. Many people think if it isn't the same amount of domestic chores, the same amount of money going into the pot or the same amount of childcare, then it isn't equality. I strongly disagree.

To me, equity is what creates true equality within a relationship.

@The80sYellowTeapotToy Agree to a point. I wouldn't ever choose to be in a marriage in which one partner was the only one going out to work. Just in the same way I wouldn't want to be the only one doing the housework or childcare. I prefer a balance.

Men can't be feminists.
They certainly can be allies (although I dislike the term).

But men AS A CLASS profit from women's subjugation and therefore can't be feminist.

Also Feminists centre their thinking and appraisal of events around women. Just as a transwoman is making a best guess at what it's like to be a woman, so is a man making a best guess at how women's lives feel, so he can't centre them.
And why would he, being a man? It's hard enough for women to not default to a man-centric view of the world.

So no.

And by subjugation you mean EVERYTHING from the porn industry right down to "Hey love, do you know where the car keys are?"

I think I might have heard this one before. A guy asking a women for guidance is not the same as "men just expect women to do all the work."

I always make my own sandwiches.
(Actually making one at the moment.... Toasted sourdough, mature cheddar, onion chutney, mayo, peppers and anchovies.)

Anyone want one?

Actually... I just told my wife that Big Kev who lives down the road at number 36, subjugates her.

She laughed at me and said "Fuck off he doesn't!! Everyone knows Big Kev is a twat."

Thank you all for the very interesting and thoughtful comments.

Whilst I still hold my initial view that men can't truly be feminists I have certainly had to think more about my viewpoint.

That thread - Do you pack your husband's bag when he goes away -

Would a man ever ask an online forum - Do you pack your wife's bag when she goes away?

There are so many statements like this from women on MN and I wonder, can you hear yourself? You actually not only thought that but posted about it too, thinking it might be reasonable and normal.

@Stelladid @WallaceinAnderland my “live and let live” approach is simply how I approaching things and was meant in response to the original poster. I certainly have no intention to tell feminists anything. Apologies that was not clear.

This message has really struck a cord.

In a society designed by men for men then as a man I do not see my privilege it is just there, rather like a fish has no concept of water.

All a man can do us to use his privilege to assist in getting rid of it.

I have just posted on a thread about an 11 year old. But probably everything I put there would be a perfect fit for this thread. My point was that there is statistical proof male brains are wired somehow to make it impossible for even the kindest and fairest and most intellectually convinced and considerately behaved of males to regard females as equal.

@logiccalls I think my husband is a woman.

Is feminist something anyone can identify as? Can you just call yourself one and be one? Or do you have to actually live a feminist life to be one? How much do you have to do to be a feminist? What if you do feminist things and don't identify as one?

There are people (men and women) who call themselves feminist but I would not consider feminist, while there are men who are part of organizations that fight trafficking who are doing more to protect women and children than any sort of self-proclaimed feminist keyboard warrior but who would not identify as being feminist...