Those opposed to surrogacy, what are your views on egg donation?

[wholeeverything]

I'm a gender critical woman with a high degree of skepticism about commercial surrogacy. I'm also facing the possibility of never having my own child.

Thinking hard about egg donation, I am conflicted about my own views about the ethics of it, from the point of view of the egg donor. What are your views? I am particularly interested in the views of those opposed to surrogacy. Do you see it as the same issue?

I feel like I cannot think objectively because of my own fertility issues. I am personally fine with the ethics of the child's rights, in that I would view it as similar to adoption with a child having the right to know their biological origins, and that then being something for me to decide if I am OK with at a personal level. Where there is full transparency, I don't see it as violating the child's rights.

But what about the young women selling eggs? Is it invasive, dangerous? Should it be viewed like surrogacy or selling an organ? Is it only considered by women in financial hardship, i.e. effectively coerced?

I have huge sympathy with anyone struggling to conceive, I can’t imagine. But the older I get the more uncomfortable I get with fertility treatment that isn’t simply using the bodies of the man and woman trying to become parents together. I don’t understand how you can know there is a biological child out there of yours. I’m also increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of bringing a child into the world knowingly without a mother and father, which I worry makes me sound very bigoted and out of date but I really value the roles both parents bring to a child. I don’t understand the mental separation. The complications we are seeing legally as well. I just can’t help but feel morally it’s all very uncomfortable.

But realistically, if I couldn’t have had my children would I have taken any route possible to become a mother? Yes most likely.

Yes, the woman is bringing up her husband's child. He gets all the genetic similarities but she gets none. That's something the woman might be ok with, but who knows til you actually experience it. But the bigger issue imo is that this loss is glossed over as women are encouraged to see using a donor egg as not much of a big deal. They are sold the idea that being pregnant, giving birth, caring for the child from birth will compensate for the lack of genetic connection, but imo that's a real stretch.

No, I am not in the UK. In many countries, domestic adoption by strangers basically no longer exists. Foster placements, with ongoing efforts to reunite a child with either their birth parent or extended family members, is far preferred. Even where a parent is never able to become able to be the main carer of a child, maintaining the birth parent-child relationship is considered in the best interests of the child. Honestly I'm very surprised how simple people think adoption is. It was when I was a child myself, but no longer - either domestic or international.