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Feminism: chat

I went to the Tavistock as a young person - AMA

636 replies

MAW1993 · 23/04/2024 14:18

I attended the Tavistock from 2008 to 2011, beginning when I was about 15. I made this post because I saw the many questions people asked on a previous AMA. Unfortunately, the OP was uncomfortable answering some of them, and I felt there may be a need for an AMA with someone who can be more open.

OP posts:
MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 20:31

QueenOfTheEntireFuckingUniverse · 27/04/2024 19:45

Referring to people as trans women makes clear their biology without disregarding the way they have chosen to live their lives.

Haven't they found that a large percentage of people don't know what a transwoman is though? And they think it's someone born female. I'm sure someone with a better memory than me will know where the research is.

In my experience there is a lot of confusion in general. Many people assume every trans person is a trans woman. I think it is important that research is clear and defines the terms it uses for those who have not encountered them before. IMO the use of different terms to describe the same thing is more likely to increase confusion than resolve it. However, it is ultimately up to the individual to express themselves in a way they feel best represents their beliefs.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 20:53

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 20:31

In my experience there is a lot of confusion in general. Many people assume every trans person is a trans woman. I think it is important that research is clear and defines the terms it uses for those who have not encountered them before. IMO the use of different terms to describe the same thing is more likely to increase confusion than resolve it. However, it is ultimately up to the individual to express themselves in a way they feel best represents their beliefs.

Do you think there is a respectful way to refer to trans women without using the word "women"?

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 20:59

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 19:57

Yes, I think a survey found that around a third of people thought a trans woman was a biological female who identifies as male. So it is confusing.

And then there's the more philosophical question of whether it's right to essentially shame people into saying something they completely disagree with. Many people completely disagree that a trans woman is any kind of woman.

Full disclosure: I am one of them. I have a massive problem with defining a woman as anything other than an adult human female, because as far as I'm concerned we either define women according to their sex, or according to harmful stereotypes.

And it's a bit of a gateway. By calling trans women "women" and "she/her", we become less able to object to them in women only spaces because "trans women are women".

Weirdly I feel a lot more comfortable referring to the OP as "he", even though (sorry @MAW1993, I don't want to offend you here), his "voice" and the way he expresses himself comes across as unmistakably female.

I don't know whether I have less of a problem calling trans men "he" because then it's the definition of a man that is being changed, rather than the definition of a woman (and to a certain extent I don't much care about that), or whether it's because I generally find it easier to respect the preferred pronouns of trans people who haven't caused any harm or distress to others, which is more likely to be the case with trans men than trans women.

I also don't believe in defining trans men to be the same as men, or trans women to be the same as women. It is simply not true, and also erases the complexity of my life.

I was socialised as female and it is inevitable that that has impacted upon the way I conduct myself. I am not offended, because my dysphoria has always related to the characteristics of my body, rather than my personality or worldview. I am curious to know the characteristics that make you read me that way though, if you are comfortable to share?

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 21:15

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 20:59

I also don't believe in defining trans men to be the same as men, or trans women to be the same as women. It is simply not true, and also erases the complexity of my life.

I was socialised as female and it is inevitable that that has impacted upon the way I conduct myself. I am not offended, because my dysphoria has always related to the characteristics of my body, rather than my personality or worldview. I am curious to know the characteristics that make you read me that way though, if you are comfortable to share?

You come across as very gentle and thoughtful, and it feels like we are having a conversation between women. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it must come down to socialisation.

There are some male posters on here and I'm not saying they aren't gentle or thoughtful, it's just that those aren't the first words that come to mind. The tone is just different, I think.

It would be really interesting to meet and talk to you in person, to see whether it felt the same or different if I could see and hear you.

Of course, you started the thread on here by making it clear that you are female, so maybe we just see and hear what we expect to see and hear.

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 21:26

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 20:53

Do you think there is a respectful way to refer to trans women without using the word "women"?

This probably isn't a particularly satisfying answer for many, but for me I can only say that it depends. I would refer to those such as Jessica Yaniv, a characteristic male predator, as a man. As a sexual assault survivor, I also would not be happy to refer to the perpetrator as a woman, if he were to ever claim that. To me, the ability to use your biological sex or genitalia as a weapon cannot coexist with a claim of sex dysphoria. I have seen reports of people walking around with their male genitalia exposed in female dressing rooms. Not to touch on the grossly unethical nature of such conduct, I simple do not believe that a person with legitimate sex dysphoria would ever do that. Instead, I think there are a subset of people for whom it is a sexual fetish. As with other sexual paraphilia, I think that also occurs almost exclusively in biological males.

I know it probably seems like an inconsistent approach, but I feel very differently about calling a person with legitimate sex dysphoria a trans man / woman vs doing that for a sexual predator, who simply gets off on it and uses it to gain greater access to vulnerable people. I'm sure others will disagree, however.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 21:36

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 21:26

This probably isn't a particularly satisfying answer for many, but for me I can only say that it depends. I would refer to those such as Jessica Yaniv, a characteristic male predator, as a man. As a sexual assault survivor, I also would not be happy to refer to the perpetrator as a woman, if he were to ever claim that. To me, the ability to use your biological sex or genitalia as a weapon cannot coexist with a claim of sex dysphoria. I have seen reports of people walking around with their male genitalia exposed in female dressing rooms. Not to touch on the grossly unethical nature of such conduct, I simple do not believe that a person with legitimate sex dysphoria would ever do that. Instead, I think there are a subset of people for whom it is a sexual fetish. As with other sexual paraphilia, I think that also occurs almost exclusively in biological males.

I know it probably seems like an inconsistent approach, but I feel very differently about calling a person with legitimate sex dysphoria a trans man / woman vs doing that for a sexual predator, who simply gets off on it and uses it to gain greater access to vulnerable people. I'm sure others will disagree, however.

I completely agree with this, which is why I find it so difficult.

Because unless someone is actually caught committing a crime, how do you know which category they fall into? Are they a Jessica Yaniv or lovely and completely harmless? We're not mind readers.

But yes, the idea that someone can "identify as a woman" whilst using their penis to rape one is just incredibly offensive to me. And I think that by going along with that, politicians are most likely causing harm to the majority of LGBT people who are just quietly trying to get on with their lives. I would love to hear a Labour politician say, "You know what, we don't need to respect the gender identities of convicted rapists, they are clearly trying it on."

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 21:37

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 21:15

You come across as very gentle and thoughtful, and it feels like we are having a conversation between women. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it must come down to socialisation.

There are some male posters on here and I'm not saying they aren't gentle or thoughtful, it's just that those aren't the first words that come to mind. The tone is just different, I think.

It would be really interesting to meet and talk to you in person, to see whether it felt the same or different if I could see and hear you.

Of course, you started the thread on here by making it clear that you are female, so maybe we just see and hear what we expect to see and hear.

Thank you, that is really interesting and I don't think I could ever characterise being described as gentle or thoughtful as anything other than a compliment.

Whilst I don't believe that men are biologically programmed to be adversarial, or women to be cooperative and empathetic, I have no doubt that the society in which we exist favours the development of different traits in girls and boys. The degree to which people are influenced by and exposed to that socialisation is variable, but I think it is dishonest to pretend that there is no difference in behaviour overall.

OP posts:
MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 21:51

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 21:36

I completely agree with this, which is why I find it so difficult.

Because unless someone is actually caught committing a crime, how do you know which category they fall into? Are they a Jessica Yaniv or lovely and completely harmless? We're not mind readers.

But yes, the idea that someone can "identify as a woman" whilst using their penis to rape one is just incredibly offensive to me. And I think that by going along with that, politicians are most likely causing harm to the majority of LGBT people who are just quietly trying to get on with their lives. I would love to hear a Labour politician say, "You know what, we don't need to respect the gender identities of convicted rapists, they are clearly trying it on."

Edited

I do appreciate that, and as I have said before I am angered by the way that many in the trans community cover up the abusive behaviour of powerful individuals. I think if we were to be honest about the existence of such people, hold them accountable for their actions, and prioritise the wellbeing of their victims, it would be for the benefit of all vulnerable people including women, children and other trans people.

I get incensed at being lumped in with the kind of people who have inflicted harm on me in the past. I want no part in a community that aids and abets sexual predators, and many other trans people feel exactly the same. I couldn't care less about a rapist being outraged not to be granted access to a female prisoners, simply because he has placed a wig upon his head.

Unfortunately, though not unsurprisingly, these kind of people now dominate many trans spaces and rhetoric. They have pushed ideology and policy for their own benefit, and to the detriment of other trans people. People claiming to be a woman whilst loving their male body make a mockery of sex dysphoria, and yet those of us who take issue with us are denigrated as 'truscum'. Every one of us, trans and not, can see exactly what such people are about, but if we say a thing we are compared to the likes of those who have abused and murdered vulnerable trans people.

OP posts:
MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 21:54

Just to clarify, that is not to say that I think the legitimacy of someone's sex dysphoria is determined by the amount of physical intervention they have. I recognise that there are people who cannot, or choose not, to have medical interventions for all kinds of reasons. I just think it's nonsensical to suggest that you can be trans without sex dysphoria.

OP posts:
JuliaPN1978 · 27/04/2024 22:21

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/04/2024 21:15

You come across as very gentle and thoughtful, and it feels like we are having a conversation between women. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it must come down to socialisation.

There are some male posters on here and I'm not saying they aren't gentle or thoughtful, it's just that those aren't the first words that come to mind. The tone is just different, I think.

It would be really interesting to meet and talk to you in person, to see whether it felt the same or different if I could see and hear you.

Of course, you started the thread on here by making it clear that you are female, so maybe we just see and hear what we expect to see and hear.

Just on this matter OP, you said you missed some things about being a girl like the kind of friendships you had with other girls and how it was different now. Is it nice for you to be able to contribute here, with people knowing you are a trans man, and to have those kind of interactions with women that you used to have? And do you feel that people here understand you better than people who meet you in day to day life because they know of your past?

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 22:34

JuliaPN1978 · 27/04/2024 22:21

Just on this matter OP, you said you missed some things about being a girl like the kind of friendships you had with other girls and how it was different now. Is it nice for you to be able to contribute here, with people knowing you are a trans man, and to have those kind of interactions with women that you used to have? And do you feel that people here understand you better than people who meet you in day to day life because they know of your past?

It has been nice, with the exception of the poster who had comments removed. I wish I were able to be open in my day to day life, because people cannot know me fully, or understand the intricacies of my life, without knowing I am trans. However, being openly trans in the past led to a variety of unpleasant things - constantly being treated like a freak and a joke, fielding invasive and inappropriate questions about my body and sex life, people feeling like my life and my choices were up for debate, and abuse and harassment.

Obviously people have asked personal questions here, but I made it specifically clear that I was open to that as part of an AMA. But being constantly interrogated, humiliated and asked to defend your existence in your day to day life is exhausting, and people don't care whether you are open to discussion or not. I knew if things got nasty here that I had the option to leave it all behind, but that isn't possible in offline life.

OP posts:
popebishop · 27/04/2024 22:49

People claiming to be a woman whilst loving their male body make a mockery of sex dysphoria, and yet those of us who take issue with us are denigrated as 'truscum'. Every one of us, trans and not, can see exactly what such people are about, but if we say a thing we are compared to the likes of those who have abused and murdered vulnerable trans people.

You've totally nailed what put me on my path of anger in all this. I've honestly felt gaslighted for years by anyone who can't see the difference.

SqueakyDinosaur · 27/04/2024 22:55

popebishop · 27/04/2024 22:49

People claiming to be a woman whilst loving their male body make a mockery of sex dysphoria, and yet those of us who take issue with us are denigrated as 'truscum'. Every one of us, trans and not, can see exactly what such people are about, but if we say a thing we are compared to the likes of those who have abused and murdered vulnerable trans people.

You've totally nailed what put me on my path of anger in all this. I've honestly felt gaslighted for years by anyone who can't see the difference.

And this would be a good place to post this because...?

popebishop · 27/04/2024 23:39

Because it was a continuation of the previous things I had asked OP about and OP had elaborated on. I guess you could say I'm just repeating myself by agreeing with/ thanking OP for their honesty, so sorry if that's using up thread space.

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 23:46

popebishop · 27/04/2024 23:39

Because it was a continuation of the previous things I had asked OP about and OP had elaborated on. I guess you could say I'm just repeating myself by agreeing with/ thanking OP for their honesty, so sorry if that's using up thread space.

There have been plenty of comments that were not a direct question and I think it is more engaging for people to be able to reply to the answers I provide them. I appreciate that people had some concerns about getting too far off topic, or beginning a general debate that was unconnected to the AMA format, but I don't think that is what you are doing at all.

OP posts:
MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 23:51

I am also happy for people to message me if that suits them better, but I don't want to see replies quashed across the board. It was clear that the conduct of one specific poster was inappropriate at times, but let us not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

OP posts:
WaitingForMojo · 28/04/2024 10:45

What are your feelings regarding non binary and gender fluid people?

MAW1993 · 28/04/2024 15:01

WaitingForMojo · 28/04/2024 10:45

What are your feelings regarding non binary and gender fluid people?

It isn't something I have ever found very easy to understand, but I'm sure the same could be said about others by me. When I first began to transition there were a very small number of people who would be called non-binary today, though they used different terminology then. Those that I knew then did have sex dysphoria in relation to some of their sexual characteristics, but not in relation to others, hence not identifying as a trans man or woman. Their dysphoria seemed to be just as acute and distressing as the rest of us so they didn't feel different in that sense. There are still some non-binary people like that today, who chose to have some medical interventions and not others, but it is much rarer in my experience.

By around my early 20s the make up of trans spaces had changed a lot. The majority of people at my university trans society were non-binary people who did not have sex dysphoria. There was a mixture in terms of their presentation, with most presenting the same as other people of their sex, though some were more androgynous. Discussions related to sex dysphoria were largely superseded by the concept of gender identity, and that wasn't something I ever felt applied to me or explained my situation. As such, I stopped attending, because I was looking to find people with a shared experience.

Whilst I support the right of everybody to dress and behave as they wish (barring anything that harms others), I have never really understood why someone would want to be described as something other than their sex, if their sex does not cause them any distress. However, I also know how hard it is for people to be dismissive because they do not understand your feelings, or to assume your choices must be motivated by something that makes more sense to them. As such, I try to be sensitive to non-binary people, because I am aware that I cannot truly understand their reality, and don't want to risk inflicting more hurt on people who are already distressed.

I have seen some non-binary people engage in quite stereotypical discourse e.g. suggesting they are non-binary as sometimes they like to wear suits and other times they prefer dresses. If people make comments I feel are sexist, I do gently challenge the phrase or idea itself. However, I don't ever make negative reference to how someone identifies themselves. For me, that is the best way to challenge attitudes I consider to be harmful, whilst minimising the chance of causing hurt or harm myself.

OP posts:
JuliaPN1978 · 28/04/2024 15:14

What do you think about the move to try and make gynaecology more non-binary and trans man friendly? Like saying things such as ‘person with a cervix’ instead of woman?

Same for sexual health services, I have seen phrases like ‘front hole’ instead of vagina and I must be honest that it feels very degrading to me. I don’t want trans people to not get healthcare though so maybe it’s just a ‘me issue’ that I need to get over. I would be very keen to hear your viewpoint on it

2mummies1baby · 28/04/2024 15:26

MAW1993 · 27/04/2024 21:54

Just to clarify, that is not to say that I think the legitimacy of someone's sex dysphoria is determined by the amount of physical intervention they have. I recognise that there are people who cannot, or choose not, to have medical interventions for all kinds of reasons. I just think it's nonsensical to suggest that you can be trans without sex dysphoria.

I just think it's nonsensical to suggest that you can be trans without sex dysphoria.

I completely* *agree with this. One of the (many) things which finally peaked me was discovering how few adult men who identify as transwomen actually take any steps towards feminising their bodies through hormones or surgery. It really shocked me, as my understanding of what it meant to be transgender was mainly centred around the experience of sex dysphoria. I always felt incredibly sympathetic to those who felt like that, and still do, but when I realised how few so-called transwomen actually seem to experience it, the whole edifice started to crumble.

MAW1993 · 28/04/2024 15:57

JuliaPN1978 · 28/04/2024 15:14

What do you think about the move to try and make gynaecology more non-binary and trans man friendly? Like saying things such as ‘person with a cervix’ instead of woman?

Same for sexual health services, I have seen phrases like ‘front hole’ instead of vagina and I must be honest that it feels very degrading to me. I don’t want trans people to not get healthcare though so maybe it’s just a ‘me issue’ that I need to get over. I would be very keen to hear your viewpoint on it

IMO some things are positive but many are really bad. I think saying 'person with a cervix' would be confusing to many people, particularly if they have learning disabilities or speak English as a second language. I also think it is dehumanising to refer to 'people with a uterus' or 'people with a penis' etc. Furthermore, I think the constant move to remind people that (some) trans men have a vagina, cervix, uterus etc. just further encourages members of the public to ask us questions about our genitalia.

I hate terms like 'front hole', or the even worse 'bonus hole', to my core. I think they are utterly degrading. A vagina is not just a 'hole', any more than an anus or the oral cavity is. They are complex organs with a variety of functions. I don't like the fact that I have a vagina, but when needing to have health care discussions I would much rather it be called the correct term, than one that treats it as if it exists purely for the purpose of PIV intercourse.

In my experience, the creation of specific literature and guidance for trans patients is far more beneficial and sensitive to the needs of people with sex dysphoria. Unfortunately, I needed extensive gynaecological treatment when younger and the entire prospect filled me with dread. I remember having to sit in the waiting rooms of 'women's clinics', with other patients staring at me, and how when I walked into the treatment room staff would give each other 'the look'. I didn't have any choice in getting my issue treated due to its nature, but if it had been something I could have ignored to avoid all that then I would have done. I know the rate of cervical screening uptake is massively decreased in eligible trans men, and that is clearly very concerning.

I have also seen that there are now some specialised clinics for trans men for cervical screening and other such care. I think that would have made things much easier, to know that other patients wouldn't be staring and staff wouldn't be shocked or uncomfortable. I have also seen some specific patient literature that explains procedures to trans people, and that addresses their needs and concerns. A really good example is the literature created by Jo's cervical cancer trust, and they also have great guides for other groups who suffer decreased access to healthcare, such as victims of sexual assault and people with learning disabilities. I think that is far more appropriate than changing healthcare literature across the board, in a way that could increase confusion, use language that people find degrading, and draw further unwanted attention to trans people.

OP posts:
MAW1993 · 28/04/2024 16:10

2mummies1baby · 28/04/2024 15:26

I just think it's nonsensical to suggest that you can be trans without sex dysphoria.

I completely* *agree with this. One of the (many) things which finally peaked me was discovering how few adult men who identify as transwomen actually take any steps towards feminising their bodies through hormones or surgery. It really shocked me, as my understanding of what it meant to be transgender was mainly centred around the experience of sex dysphoria. I always felt incredibly sympathetic to those who felt like that, and still do, but when I realised how few so-called transwomen actually seem to experience it, the whole edifice started to crumble.

Agreed. I have always believed there are two very distinct groups that are included under the heading of 'trans women'. I have met many sensitive, maligned trans women who suffer terrible distress about their male sexual characteristics. They all faced horrendous discrimination and mistreatment - far worse than I, due to their increased visibility. We share an awful lot in common, in being people trying their best to deal with a miserable condition and live a normal, quiet life. Invariably they were kind, respectful and caring towards others who were vulnerable.

I have also met many people who clearly just have a sexual fetish. I have no interest or concern about the consensual activities people partake in within their private life. But I absolutely refuse to accept people inflicting their fetishes on the public at large, or using a trans woman identity to gain access to people they wish to victimise. It infuriates me to think of them perverting the entire trans rights movement for their own ends, regardless of the harm and distress it inflicts on real trans women.

OP posts:
DramaLlamaBangBang · 28/04/2024 16:14

MAW1993 · 28/04/2024 15:57

IMO some things are positive but many are really bad. I think saying 'person with a cervix' would be confusing to many people, particularly if they have learning disabilities or speak English as a second language. I also think it is dehumanising to refer to 'people with a uterus' or 'people with a penis' etc. Furthermore, I think the constant move to remind people that (some) trans men have a vagina, cervix, uterus etc. just further encourages members of the public to ask us questions about our genitalia.

I hate terms like 'front hole', or the even worse 'bonus hole', to my core. I think they are utterly degrading. A vagina is not just a 'hole', any more than an anus or the oral cavity is. They are complex organs with a variety of functions. I don't like the fact that I have a vagina, but when needing to have health care discussions I would much rather it be called the correct term, than one that treats it as if it exists purely for the purpose of PIV intercourse.

In my experience, the creation of specific literature and guidance for trans patients is far more beneficial and sensitive to the needs of people with sex dysphoria. Unfortunately, I needed extensive gynaecological treatment when younger and the entire prospect filled me with dread. I remember having to sit in the waiting rooms of 'women's clinics', with other patients staring at me, and how when I walked into the treatment room staff would give each other 'the look'. I didn't have any choice in getting my issue treated due to its nature, but if it had been something I could have ignored to avoid all that then I would have done. I know the rate of cervical screening uptake is massively decreased in eligible trans men, and that is clearly very concerning.

I have also seen that there are now some specialised clinics for trans men for cervical screening and other such care. I think that would have made things much easier, to know that other patients wouldn't be staring and staff wouldn't be shocked or uncomfortable. I have also seen some specific patient literature that explains procedures to trans people, and that addresses their needs and concerns. A really good example is the literature created by Jo's cervical cancer trust, and they also have great guides for other groups who suffer decreased access to healthcare, such as victims of sexual assault and people with learning disabilities. I think that is far more appropriate than changing healthcare literature across the board, in a way that could increase confusion, use language that people find degrading, and draw further unwanted attention to trans people.

OP your attitude is so sensible and respectful of others, it is a crying shame that this isn't where we are. It seems so much trans activism, subsequently taken on by health authorities/charities etc is actively degrading and insulting to women (front hole/bonus hole/ chestfeeding etc) yet male healthcare doesn't get treated in the same way- Men's healthcare doesn't have to be couched in 'Some women have a prostate' all the time in any discussion of male cancers. Why do you think it has come to this? Is it simply because of the Stonewall scheme? Do you feel people with agenda's have poisoned what is a serious medical/mental health concern (Pharmaceuticals lobbying political parties etc)?

WaitingForMojo · 28/04/2024 17:38

Thank you for such a considered and respectful response, once again. It really is incredibly helpful.

Where do you stand on the use of labels such as ‘demi-girl’ etc? I personally don’t fully understand them but respect people’s right to refer to themselves as they wish. I just wondered whether those labels are harmful in any way to the trans community?

MAW1993 · 28/04/2024 18:00

DramaLlamaBangBang · 28/04/2024 16:14

OP your attitude is so sensible and respectful of others, it is a crying shame that this isn't where we are. It seems so much trans activism, subsequently taken on by health authorities/charities etc is actively degrading and insulting to women (front hole/bonus hole/ chestfeeding etc) yet male healthcare doesn't get treated in the same way- Men's healthcare doesn't have to be couched in 'Some women have a prostate' all the time in any discussion of male cancers. Why do you think it has come to this? Is it simply because of the Stonewall scheme? Do you feel people with agenda's have poisoned what is a serious medical/mental health concern (Pharmaceuticals lobbying political parties etc)?

So it's a bit of a long answer but I really watched it all unfolding in front of my eyes over the years. Starting from my late teens I noticed discourse changing significantly. It was often hard to find examples of trans men, as most trans spaces consisted of trans women. Obviously there is solidarity there, but we each have specific issues and a need to connect with others who are the same. There ended up being a large community of trans men posting on tumblr that became a really good space to make friends, seek advice, and feel understood.

Then I started to see posts like the gender gingerbread person, which I always found to be stupid but assumed was benign. Suddenly though, that was the only acceptable way to frame your history, and any talk other than 'I was always a boy/girl because of my gender identity' was internalised transphobia and biological essentialism. Next came the increasing dominance of abusive people like 'genderbitch', whose entire content was defined by a pathological hatred and jealously of women and trans men.

It was from there that concepts like 'transmisogyny' emerged. Now I would never deny that there are unique forms of discrimination targeted specifically at trans women. However, that concept was used almost exclusively to denigrate 'privileged' trans men, and the disgrace of us taking up all the space. No trans man was entitled to reclaim trans slurs (not that I would do that anyway), and a trans man could barely post a thing without first apologising in some way and committing to 'centering transfeminine voices'. At a similar time, the concept of 'binary privilege' emerged, which asserted that trans people who transitioned were privileged over and oppressive to non-binary people and those without sex dysphoria (who at this point were largely one and the same). The reality of violence, discrimination, and the difficulties inherent to medical transition were waved away with talk of how much worse things were for those who wore a dress on occasion, because no one respected their legitimacy.

Trans people who disagreed with any of these notions would be ganged up on, accused of every form of bigotry under the sun, and targeted for abuse and harassment. The result was that people either stopped interacting, or pretended to agree with everything regardless of their personal feelings. As a result, the only voices that then existed were those pushing this ideology. That also resulted in the next generation of young trans people buying into it hook, line, and sinker as the only legitimate way to consider trans issues.

I belonged to the group who largely stopped engaging, and tried to divorce myself from the 'trans community', who made me feel increasingly uncomfortable, especially as someone with experience of male sexual violence. However, I was added to a secret facebook group for trans men by a friend. I originally intended to leave, but it started out as a much more normal space with people just asking for advice on every day issues for trans people. Unfortunately, even that space was ultimately invaded by people, who whilst biologically female, pushed the same agenda. Around that time was then I began to see lots of campaigns highlighting how 'some men have vaginas' and 'not everyone who menstruates is a women'. I always felt deeply uncomfortable with that. My biological sex has always been a source of misery for me, and I have done everything possible to move away from it. It's not all that fun to then have it exposed to morbid public curiosity at every turn. The people who pushed all that seemed to have absolutely no respect or consideration for the feelings of people with sex dysphoria.

I remember one incident where one person in that facebook group actually made their true feelings heard, which resulted in a mass of comments from people who had also felt deep discomfort but had been afraid to air it publicly. It was in relation to one non-binary user, whose main activity up until then had been to post youtube videos where they discussed how much they 'loved their vagina and dicklet' and how hot men found it to f* them. They started a petition to take sex dysphoria out of DSM, which resulted in many people reacting in disgust due to both the erasure of it, and the potential impact that could have on access to treatment. Ultimately the post was closed because it was too 'toxic' and I left the group. The only people I interact with today belong to a group for post-surgical trans men, where my feelings on these matters are shared almost universally.

As to what I believe was the motivation behind all of this, I think it was to fulfil the aims of abusive people, who wanted to behave in a typically predatory male fashion without anyone being able to raise attention to it. If all you can say is that a trans woman is a woman, no matter whether they masturbate in public, walk around in fetish gear in front of children, or deceitfully remove a condom to try and impregnate unsuspecting trans men and women (all real examples), then it removes people's ability to identify and address male sexual violence. IMO that's precisely why the focus has always been on removing what it means to be a woman, because the trans people engaging in this kind of behaviour are invariably biologically male. I'm sure there are examples of trans men who have sexually assaulted others, just as there are examples of women who have, but the same distribution of offending exists. If anyone who says they are a woman is one, and if no one can define which organs are female, then how can you challenge this kind sex-based violence?

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