Why was slut ”reclaimed”, but prude and frigid wasn’t?

[YouAreNotBatman]

And why is virgin shaming still okey?

They all are, just the opposite sides, of the misogynystic coin trying to control women’s choices.

That's a really interesting point and so true! All this sex positive bollocks playing to the stereotype that women should shag around. Fine if you want to, but why shouldn't you equally be choosy?

Is virgin shaming a thing? I've never come across this (genuine question!).

I’m not sure it has been reclaimed, not entirely anyway. There are still plenty of people who would judge a woman for liking sex or being promiscuous.

Head down to a city bar and call a woman a slut and see what happens. I agree that there has been a certain attempt at repositioning it by some, but it’s not a shiny shameless word with no negative connotation.

I think the truth is, as a woman, whether your number is zero, one or one thousand, you won’t have to look very hard to find someone who’ll try and shame you over it.

Possibly not the actual word 'virgin' but words like prude, frigid, prick tease etc are certainly used to shame women.

As someone who is one, yes.

Now, to be clear I absolutely do not go announcing about this, but few old friends I grew up with knows and I think sometimes some people can guess it by the conversations.

And sometimes talked about it online with other virgins and they have had mean commets too.

And I find weird also, specially since it’s been years now people saying it’s social construct, until someone is one.

I wouldn't say slut has been reclaimed. I will say "cunt" till the cows come home but I will pounce on anyone who thinks it's acceptable to say slut, a far more offensive word IMO.

I also don't think that slut has been reclaimed. Just because there are occasional "slut walks" here and there doesn't mean that the word slut isn't still used by people to demean women.

Firstly, I would agree with pp who say that words to not get 'reclaimed'. Sometimes positive or neutral words can be repurposed but negative ones never are. They may have a positive alternative meaning for a short while but it never stays.

Secondly, much of the more visible feminism currently is about Liberal cool girl feminism. I'm not one of the those nasty, ugly grouchy feminists. I'm a good girl.

So with that in mind wanting to make the word 'slut' not negative aligns far more with cool girl feminism then attempting to address the underlying patriarchal features of frigid etc

No cool girl wants to be labelled frigid

Alright, let me rephrase the question so we don’t get stuck on if the reclaiming has been fully achieved:

Why is there a movement to reclaim slut, but not prude or frigid?

YouAreNotBatman · Today 20:27

Alright, let me rephrase the question so we don’t get stuck on if the reclaiming has been fully achieved:

Why is there a movement to reclaim slut, but not prude or frigid?

This is tantalisingly as I can’t link to it now as I’ll have to look, but I know I have seen a site very recently with Tote bags etc sort of doing this, promoting ‘vanilla sex’ and so on.

Then, though I have not read it, there is a book by Louise Perry suggesting (I think) that girls and women should consider reclaiming a bit of prudish girl, and discarding all out cool girl.

Well I disagree that there is a movement to reclaim slut. I think we should stop all derogatory commentary on women's sex lives, whatever end of spectrum.

I think because if you self-identify as a slut, you're self-identifying as Someone Who Has Sex and are thus desirable, which has currency in certain areas (albeit I agree you wouldn't want some random in the pub to call you a slut). Whereas you can't please men by being a virgin or a prude.

Whereas you can't please men by being a virgin or a prude

Not so sure about that, whilst there may be some desirability in a "sure thing" when you're talking about long term relationships or marriage I think there is still very much an expectation of a less wild side in the idealised wife material woman.

As someone who isn't a prude I find it cringy when women call themselves things like slut and hate when they call themselves bitches.

@Daffodilis indeed, this was covered off back in 2004 in Mean Girls!

Never seen it 😃, was too busy being a passionate woman back then 😈😁😁😁😁

But why do you need to tell you are not prude?
What does that mean?

I think is close to the reason.

Because men like ‘sluts’

Yep.
It benefits them.

You've literally got the same thread going on another board.

It benefits them.

I think you're viewing at this from one lens, whilst I don't disagree there is a desire by some men to want "risqué" women, for sex at least, there is also a narrative that an...overly experienced women isn't desirable too. Just look at the whole idea of men multiplying their conquests by 3, and women wanting to divide.

Sexual promiscuity is all fun and games when sewing wild oats, but when wanting to tie women down I don't think many men would be secure enough to handle a woman who have had more sexual partners than them. I think there's still a view out there that a less touched woman is more desirable marriage material.

Both concepts are vile by the way, not condoning it, women can't win either way I guess is what I'm trying to say, we are defined by our sexuality wherever we sit on the scale. I don't agree that there is a preferred version, it depends what the man wants at the time.

Who is doing the virgin shaming? Men? Women? Mean girls? Twatty boys?
I was a virgin till I married at 24 and never had any negative comments whenever it was brought up.

@CuriousEats
I’ve only had bullying and shaming from other women. I guess it would be fair enough to call them mean.

Biggest suprise was one who was self proclaimed feminist, believed in no means no and believe women and all that, yet she was absolutely horrible to me. She alone has been the most oppressive person/ experience I’ve had.

I’m glad to hear that you had better experience.

But yeah, this has been on my mind, how one sided it all is and it really doesn’t feel like there is actual sexual freedom at all.

I think in the real/offline world, certainly! But I think on mainstream social media, in swathes of certain industries (academia, maybe arts, for example), there's certainly a cachet for younger women in presenting yourself as 'desirable' and and an easy way of doing that is by attaching yourself to the slut label and thus declaring yourself emancipated, hot and crucially, non-threatening to men (which will make them pretend to like you more, but they won't respect you any more for it).