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Feminism: chat

Men, taking dominating yoga/groups.

150 replies

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/09/2022 12:08

I've just come back from what should have been a chilled yoga class. Half way through, a man enters, announces he thought it started later, but he will join anyway. Rather than just quietly join in, he bangs his stuff about loudly. I found myself tutting. He settled down for a bit, but then during relaxation at the end, he has to competively exhale. No one else's breathing audible but his. I realise his entrance was a "A man has come, all hail the man, women" and I have seen it many times, being an old bird. But what do they actually get out of it? Surely it doesn't produce results? Or are they just satisfied when they've done it regardless? I've seen/experienced this in about every excercise class/reading group/whatever I've ever been in, and am a tad vexed about it tbh. In fact, if there is a womens only yoga class, I go for that. Any answers please? And anything I can actually do rather than passively agressively tut, or have a word with the tutor? Probably not. It's just soooo tiresome! Angry

OP posts:
LadyOfTheCanyon · 13/09/2022 17:55

Battersea Park in the summer is absolute wall to wall ostentatious performative yoga twats. It makes for a great afternoon's viewing if you're bored and a bit sneery ( like me).

picklemewalnuts · 13/09/2022 20:06

@thenightsky I'm so sorry your class has been spoiled, and hope it went ok tonight. I know it's hard, but push back.

Say 'you're facing the wrong way'

Tell the teacher and ask her to intervene with some direct instructions.

Turn your back on him when he walks towards you.

You shouldn't have to, but a small push will get rid of him.

Minikievs · 13/09/2022 20:15

and then leaves early during shavasana

I always leave at the start of shavasana Blush
I do always position myself near the door and try and creep out as quietly as possible

CoolerThanIceCream · 13/09/2022 20:29

picklemewalnuts · 13/09/2022 20:06

@thenightsky I'm so sorry your class has been spoiled, and hope it went ok tonight. I know it's hard, but push back.

Say 'you're facing the wrong way'

Tell the teacher and ask her to intervene with some direct instructions.

Turn your back on him when he walks towards you.

You shouldn't have to, but a small push will get rid of him.

Agree.

It’s quite a revelation when you realise you can actually be rude to people who make you feel uncomfortable.

And it can be low level ‘rude’, i.e. blanking and walking away, rather than verbally rude.

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 13/09/2022 20:31

Minikievs · 13/09/2022 20:15

and then leaves early during shavasana

I always leave at the start of shavasana Blush
I do always position myself near the door and try and creep out as quietly as possible

Why do you do this? It's a really important asana

Glitterspy · 13/09/2022 20:57

There is a special mat in hell for the people who routinely leave during shavasana!

picklemewalnuts · 13/09/2022 21:05

Can you explain for non yoga buffs, @BryceQuinlanTheFirst ?

I do tai chi, and find the cool down meditation at the end trying. I stick with it for the discipline, but it makes me twitch.

EspeciallyDivided · 13/09/2022 21:07

I only stay for shavasana because it would feel rude not to. Makes me twitch too.

EspeciallyDivided · 13/09/2022 21:08

Oh and also I like to chat with my friend on the way out which I would miss by going early

Minikievs · 13/09/2022 21:47

My class isn't proper yoga, it's body balance. The 10 minutes relaxation at the end, I just find excruciating. I can't relax, I'm just very aware of myself and all the things that I could be doing at home in those 10 minutes, rather than lying on the floor of the leisure centre.
Maybe this means there should be MORE reason for me to stay, to learn to relax, but I just can't

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/09/2022 22:40

Minikievs · 13/09/2022 21:47

My class isn't proper yoga, it's body balance. The 10 minutes relaxation at the end, I just find excruciating. I can't relax, I'm just very aware of myself and all the things that I could be doing at home in those 10 minutes, rather than lying on the floor of the leisure centre.
Maybe this means there should be MORE reason for me to stay, to learn to relax, but I just can't

If you take it from the roots of yoga, which I have been told is to facilitate meditation, that's the point.

You get distracted, your mind wanders, you feel uncomfortable, but you stay there and try to bring your mind back - you return to focus on the sensation of your breath, the feel of the mat against your back, the way your limbs feel from the asanas, you notice the sound of the bloke at the front as though he's about to start snoring, you bring your mind back to your breath again, maybe how it feels for your lungs to expand, you think about the washing up waiting at home, hear the sounds of somebody getting up to leave early and bring your mind back to yourself again.

You're learning that these distractions dissipate when you refocus. The irritations pass, as do all things. Your heart rate slows because for ten minutes, you stop and just be. The things that would have you raging, you turn away from them in your mind, they have no hold on you. You've turned away from the outside world and its stresses through activity and action, now you are turning away through your mind.

I'm not sure if that makes as much sense on the screen as it does in my head - but I learned through yoga and meditation not so focused on getting 'a great figure', initially to try a new way to deal with chronic pain. The thought of staying still for a long time was scary, I associated it with more pain, so I'd resist, tense up and feel stressed, which meant more pain - but going through the discomfort and learning to observe the discomfort then move my mind onto something else really helped.

And then I had one meditation session where I was going to partly escape from the general shit show of my existence, but as I sat there, trying to focus on my breath and failing utterly, I felt the deepest, most crushing sense of loss and sadness - but I stayed still so as not to disturb the others. I couldn't run away from the feelings, so I had to experience them in their entirety. But within five minutes, the emotionally pain started fading as I became aware of the sunlight warm on my shoulder, then the scent of the floral arrangement to the side, then back to the air on my lips and I felt the most amazing sense of peace for the last few minutes before the session ended and I slowly got up, put the zafu and blanket away and wobbled off home.

A 'pinch the physical bits from the practise without an understanding of the psychological or spiritual principles behind it' class doesn't give you that. Because it allows you to run away from uncomfortable feelings, rather than experience them. I certainly didn't gain enlightenment from those meditation and yoga classes, but I did experience something that changed me and gave me the ability to feel calm rather than scared with stillness and less critical of my body whilst more aware of it. Which isn't a bad thing in my opinion.

It's handy when I'm at rep 8 of a tough set in the gym in making sure I don't give up when I absolutely could complete the last two reps - and indispensable when my internal dialogue is screaming at all and sundry (or one particularly irksome person who is incurring my unspoken wrath because they're being demanding when 50 other tasks are also requiring my immediate attention) and I need to remain both vaguely competent and ultimately, employed. 😇

EspeciallyDivided · 13/09/2022 22:46

Yeah, I get all that, its exactly what you get told if you try meditation apps etc too but I'm just not really interested, I quite like my mind being active and I really only do yoga for the physical aspects.

EspeciallyDivided · 13/09/2022 23:08

Sorry, that sounded very dismissive. I have tried but it just doesn't seem to be for me. I don't have issues with sleep or any particular issues that I think it would help with.

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 14/09/2022 06:53

Savasana is a really challenging pose. To quiet the mind is very difficult. We lead busy lives, always on the go, high stress.... Savasana stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system (your rest and digest response) and calms your sympathetic nervous system (your fight, flight and freeze response). This is so important in modern life. It's a release of everything you've done in the class.

Glitterspy · 14/09/2022 07:28

If you’re just doing yoga classes “for the physical aspects” then, with respect, you’re not doing yoga.

picklemewalnuts · 14/09/2022 07:30

That's helpful, thank you. I actually really need it, so I'll try harder!

EspeciallyDivided · 14/09/2022 07:34

Glitterspy · 14/09/2022 07:28

If you’re just doing yoga classes “for the physical aspects” then, with respect, you’re not doing yoga.

I know, and that’s fine, it works for me

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 14/09/2022 07:53

Glitterspy · 14/09/2022 07:28

If you’re just doing yoga classes “for the physical aspects” then, with respect, you’re not doing yoga.

I agree. The poses are just one of the eight limbs of yoga.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/09/2022 16:49

I've had an email conversation with tutor. She says she'll 'have a word' with Noying Man. Watch this space!

OP posts:
thenightsky · 16/09/2022 17:05

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/09/2022 16:49

I've had an email conversation with tutor. She says she'll 'have a word' with Noying Man. Watch this space!

Excellent news. Let's hope it works.

EspeciallyDivided · 16/09/2022 22:21

Fingers crossed!

Blackbirdblue30 · 20/09/2022 20:02

New man came to my Pilates group this evening. Instead of sitting quietly with the ball before class started, he kicked it around, headed it and made chimp noises. Then asked a woman minding her own business if she 'comes here often.' Then lay down on his back, spread his legs and made a sex noise. During the class he did performative grunting, and afterwards, he loudly and importantly explained his bowel problem to the teacher who hadn't asked. I'm sick of them!

VroomVrooom · 20/09/2022 20:54

Christ. 😳

This is why I just put Adriene on in my living room….

bitachey · 20/09/2022 21:44

I don’t believe you @Blackbirdblue30 but good story 😀

VroomVrooom · 20/09/2022 22:38

It does seem more than a bit far-fetched…