How can letters still be addressed like this in 2021?!

[chiefcha]

I am married - lets say I am Mrs A Smith, and my DH is Mr M Smith.

Put an unsuccessful offer in a house and have received the rejection email from the estate agent, addressed to Mr and Mrs M Smith.

Now what really pisses me off is they've had no contact with DH whatsoever. I viewed the house, I have had the phone conversations with them, and I sent the emails. Yet I'm reduced to his initial.

I know it's traditionally the "proper" etiquette for addressing a married couple but I find it so archaic and quite offensive really. If it weren't for the fact that I want to keep the estate agents onside in case we offer through them again, I think I'd let them know how bloody outdated it is.

[ErrolTheDragon]

You're the customer, if they're any good at all they should welcome constructive criticism.
There's nothing 'proper' in the 21st century about treating men and women in any way unequally.

[Shedmistress]

We just rented out our house.

I did the enquiry, I did the visit, both visits, I signed the paperwork, I am the one registered for tax on the income and yet the paperwork came with his name on it. So I told them to change it.

[Gastonia]

I remember I once sent a birthday card to my DM from university in the 1980s, and used my dad's initial (I was young!) and I never heard the end of it. So I'm amazed that people are still doing this 40 years later!

[Chasingsquirrels]

@Shedmistress

We just rented out our house.

I did the enquiry, I did the visit, both visits, I signed the paperwork, I am the one registered for tax on the income and yet the paperwork came with his name on it. So I told them to change it.

Just as an aside, check that you are LIABLE for the tax, unless you have taken steps to ensure otherwise it would usually be 50/50 and you should both have half on your tax returns.

[grafittiartist]

2 years ago- meeting at the bank. Set up by me, I do all the household banking- all communication from me.
Arrived to be completely ignored and watched my husband be addressed directly and politely.
He was trying not to laugh as he knew I'd be fuming.
That's from a young man too.
Don't know when to expect change!

[Penelope52]

Birthday cards to me from DMIL are always addressed to Mrs DH's initial and surname. It's so bloody degrading!

[Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead]

Yanbu. I completed every piece of admin to do with our last 2 house moves and all letters are addressed to my husband, then me underneath

I did ask why and apparently because I met him 25 years ago and moved into his house over 2 and a half decades ago and we have moved 2 times since and we are married and my name is on the mortgage, it always gets addressed to his name first.

[HKI83vcWA]

OP please send them feedback or they’ll never change!
It’s backward.

[GrumpyPanda]

@Penelope52

Birthday cards to me from DMIL are always addressed to Mrs DH's initial and surname. It's so bloody degrading!

Return to sender, not known at this address?

[boomshakalacka]

@Penelope52 my SIL does this and it pisses me off every time. Unbelievable really.

[Raaaaaaarr]

I felt highly offended when exactly this happened to me and wish now I'd said something at the time. It still bothers me in an irrational way now!

[MoreHairyThanScary]

DC's secondary school does this, and it drives me insane!

[Luredbyapomegranate]

I think they think it's posh...

Not even the Tatler social pages do this anymore. It is purely the preserve of insane PIL in their dotage.

I'd write a letter to the manager saying way to go on fucking off all female customers..

[TheCraicDealer]

When we were buying this house over the summer the solicitor dealt only with me. DH came with me to meetings to sign bits but I instructed the firm, requested all the updates, provided all the documentation, completed the forms etc. Then I got a letter from them addressed to DH and with my name after. Both my first and last initials are before his in the alphabet, so the reason was very clearly that the firm's policy was "man's name first" regardless of who the main contact is.

I made an off the cuff comment in my reply about how I was the one doing all the work but DH still got letters addressed to him first, and that seemed to sort it!

[worriedatthemoment]

Id it not because its mr and mrs , even cards say that its just a traditional things
If you ask them to address a certain way they will , otherwise the default is mr and mrs
Who says mrs and mr ?

[ErrolTheDragon]

@worriedatthemoment

Id it not because its mr and mrs , even cards say that its just a traditional things
If you ask them to address a certain way they will , otherwise the default is mr and mrs
Who says mrs and mr ?

But why use his initial?

[thatonesmine]

We have a friend who does this. He knew me before he knew DH, we're Facebook friends so he knows I go by my maiden name, yet every Christmas without fail we get a card addressed to Mr and Mrs Fred Bloggs. I used to correct him but I've given up now, it's been 40-odd years.

[HolidayTime2021]

@Shedmistress

We just rented out our house.

I did the enquiry, I did the visit, both visits, I signed the paperwork, I am the one registered for tax on the income and yet the paperwork came with his name on it. So I told them to change it.

You are both liable for tax on the income if you both own it.

[Kotatsu]

I got 50 quid out of Barclays because when I added him to my account (which I'd had for 20 years), they started putting his name first on statements, sending all emails and letters to him only (not alphabetically correct in case you ask)

Estate agent did the same with me. They'd never even met ex, yet there was all the contact from them, solely addressed to him.

And now, the house I rent out, also gave them my dad as a local contact (because I live abroad), and consistently, despite repeated reminders, they address stuff to him/ask him to approve things (he has no legal responsiblity for the house at all)

[chiefcha]

It's infuriating.

[DiamondBright]

I once bought a car, exH came with me to look at it but I bought it, registered with me as the keeper, all paperwork and finance in my name etc. his only involvement was accompanying me to view it. The dealership put it on their computer system under his name because he'd bought a car from them before and our address was the same, every time it was due a service or they contacted us about anything they asked for him, but wanted to talk about my car, infuriating. When challenged apparently their system always puts the man's name first, which might possibly be a reason explanation if it was a joint purchase, but it wasn't, they couldn't get their heads around it.

[AsTreesWalking]

It must be an Estate agent thing- I rang about viewing a house last week, and taking details the (male) agent asked if I was buying with a partner, then asked for his first name. I gave it, waited for the obvious next question, and then told him my name - I'd be astonished if he wrote it down, he was completely uninterested. Too taken aback to follow up on the phone. I won't be using that agency.

[ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings]

I've just signed a tenancy agreement with my new tenant. The contract refers to both landlord and tenant as "he" throughout. Because using Word's "find and replace" function to bring an important document into the modern world is just too difficult apparently. Either that or it's just beyond belief that a woman could own or rent a property by herself.

[BudgeSquare]

@ErrolTheDragon

But why use his initial?

But why take his name?

[ErrolTheDragon]

That's a different question, and the same phenomenon doubtless occurs if couples double barrel, choose a new family name or use the woman's surname, or were both Smiths anyway.