Feminism: chat
Singing a card - husbands name first
MrsPumpkinSeed · 16/09/2021 10:38
Of course very grateful but dh sister (aunt to our child) sent Dd a lovely card with her husbands name first even though she is a blood relative. Dh family are very traditional but this is outdated practise surely?
EdgeOfTheSky · 16/09/2021 10:42
Do you mean she addressed the card to your adult Dd as ‘Mrs DH name surname’, or that she put from Jon and Janet rather than Janet and Jon?
The first is exasperating, the second… I wouldn’t notice. And usually people put the other person first, as in Jon and I…
lazylinguist · 16/09/2021 10:56
Have I got this clear - you are offended by the fact that she wrote 'love from and rather than the other way around? I think that's a total non-issue and nothing to do with how women are perceived. I doubt I'd even notice what order a family's names were in! As for being old-fashioned and outdated, what's so modern about insisting on the order being based on blood relative status?
moonlight1705 · 16/09/2021 10:57
I run a database for a fairly traditional organisation who sends out mailings once or twice a year. You cannot imagine the battles I have had to get everyone addressed as just Mr and Mrs Smith rather than Mr and Mrs John Smith.
You should see their heads explode when I mention we need a letter to go to Mr and Mr Smith!!
It is outdated now but many people still believe the traditional way is the only and right way
HeAteItWithASpoon · 16/09/2021 11:00
This is a complete non-issue. I assumed you meant she’d signed it “love from Mrs John Smith” which is outdated and weird but just putting their names down in whatever order is completely meaningless. Whenever people referred to exdh and I they’d always say my name then his as it just flows better - I have a short name, he has a long one and it just sounds clunky to say it the other way around. Stop finding things to be annoyed about and focus on the real issues women are facing which are currently enormous.
PigeonPants · 16/09/2021 11:07
If it's "Love, Uncle X and Auntie Y" in her handwriting, rather than each person signing individually, I'd just assume she's putting the other person's name first out of politeness. (Of course, it may also be that among female/male couples it's more often the woman than the man that gets the job of remembering birthdays and anniversaries and writing cards.)
5zeds · 16/09/2021 11:09
You cannot imagine the battles I have had to get everyone addressed as just Mr and Mrs Smith rather than Mr and Mrs John Smith
I’m guessing you can’t imagine how tedious it is for families with more than one Mr and Mrs with the same surname living under one roof to constantly have to open each other’s letters to see who they’re for! Extended families often live together now. Don’t bin the initials it’s annoying for everyone. I’d add both eg Mr J and Mrs S Smith.
CrasterKipper · 16/09/2021 11:31
My name first for my family, his name first for his. I write them all as I am neatest!
Some in our house. I write all the cards cause DH is a pain at doing it (so slow and untidy). He wraps the presents.
His family/friend/collegeague would his ne first.
My family/friend/colleague would be my name first.
Granny and Grandpa or kids friends get kids names first.
The poor cats never get to go first.
FaceForRadio1973 · 16/09/2021 13:06
I tend to refer to people either in the order that I met them, or their connection to me. I'd say it was a fifty-fifty split between her name / his name and vice-versa.
As some people say though, some names just go together better.
BBC breakfast to me is Dan and Louise, but Nagga and Charlie.
AuntieStella · 16/09/2021 13:10
@haggisaggis
Same here - and both DH and I do this. I thought it was the norm
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