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Feminism: chat

Sexism and teenage boys - what do they think?

146 replies

wiltonism · 21/08/2021 14:50

It's there, of course it is. My friend's very bright daughter was told to 'get back in the kitchen' by a boy in her class last year. And obviously I can't get what happened in Plymouth out of my head.

But what do teenage boys think about this? Is there any research? Where do I look?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 01:49

I'm confused.

What does a girl in the UK having a boy make a sexist comment to her have to do with wokeness, feminism or the USA?

Or indeed work?

Boys have made sexist comments since I was a girl. And plenty say and do much worse.

The argument seems to be that because of feminism, boys are taking out their frustration/ anger on girls at school by making demeaning sexist comments as old as the hills.

And further that men and boys saying/ doing stuff to girls and women that is sexist is the fault of women and girls.

So the girl in question should.. ignore it learn to put up with it. Is that right?

Same message as we got 40 years ago and before that I have no doubt.

Right that's cleared that up then!

CBUK2K2 · 07/09/2021 09:32

@NiceGerbil My argument is that we now protect young people from adversity from adversity to such a degree that they can no longer function in the real world.

I wouldn't say its feminists, it's the Woke folk many of which have never left school/university.

I raise my kids to treat others with respect but to treat the hurtful words of others with the contempt they deserve. If you tech kids that words are the same as physical assaults they will actually start to believe this and have a very tough time in life.

CBUK2K2 · 07/09/2021 09:34

@ColorMagicBarbie A few years ago a feminist wouldn't have wanted these. A few years ago women had some very genuine gripes in society (and I'm sure they still do to a lesser extent).

But they're really not helping the cause with the current regime.

CBUK2K2 · 07/09/2021 09:38

@AssassinatedBeauty You've decreed that men don't face discrimination but failed to answer if you are male - so I'm assuming you're not. How would you view a comment from men about the experience of being a woman?

I asked you if you think I should promote a person who cant deal autonomously with what in most work environments at the low end of the adversarial scale and you've not answered.

I asked what you'd expect if a customer spoke to you tersely and again you've not answered.

lazylinguist · 07/09/2021 09:50

I think teenagers say a lot of things they don't believe, and believe a lot of things they won't believe in 10 years.

Definitely. I have a dd in year 12 and a ds in year 9. Ds is always complaining about how sexist and racist a lot of the boys in his year are. Dd tells him "Yes it's shit, but they will get better. My year did." Most of them (well, lots anyway) either don't really believe those views but say them because they're scared not to, or do have those views but will grow out of them or at least learn not to say them out loud. It doesn't help that we live in a fairly rural area with low diversity tbh.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 10:18

So yes you are saying that girls and women getting shit from sexist boys and men should understand it is their problem to deal with.

This is not a new and revolutionary idea. It is how is was when I was growing up in the 70s/80s. And again I have no doubt it was the case before that.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 10:26

I think the argument that women who don't 'deal' with male colleagues telling then to get back in the kitchen, should not be promoted (ever no matter what their role etc presumably). Is the same again.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 10:27

I find it interesting when men tell women and girls how they should/ shouldn't behave in the face of insults/ demeaning comments /(worse? Not sure where the line is) from other men.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 10:31

In this case the revolutionary idea is to
Put up
Shut up
Don't make a fuss
Definitely don't tell anyone

And don't forget to remember that the boy/ man who is saying this stuff is doing it because girls/ women have it so much better and they need understanding more than anything else.

I'm totally amazed. I've certainly never heard this idea before. Incredible!

AlexaShutUp · 07/09/2021 10:48

@CBUK2K2 You've decreed that men don't face discrimination but failed to answer if you are male - so I'm assuming you're not. How would you view a comment from men about the experience of being a woman?

Interesting that you ask that question when you appear to be quite happy yourself to comment on the experiences of both men and women. Are you male or female?

This thread is really depressing. Why the fuck should women just put up and shut up? I have raised my dd to be strong and resilient, and part of that includes not feeling that she just has to put up with stupid discriminatory shit.

CBUK2K2 · 07/09/2021 16:00

@NiceGerbil At no point have I said people should put up/shut up, it shows how far the victim culture has gone where you think that they are your only options are to tell a grown up or put up with it. If someone is out of order then tell them to get bent or quietly explain you don't appreciate their "banter". That's the skills I'm arguing we should be equipping young people with.

CBUK2K2 · 07/09/2021 16:03

@NiceGerbil I've not commented on experiences of women I've stated how I think people should deal with them irrespective of gender?

I'm not the one declaring men don't face discrimination, I'm simply worldly wise enough to understand there are people in the world that arent nice and that isn't changing any time soon.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 16:51

Do you know how lots of men and boys fact to women girls telling them to 'get bent'?

The answer is very often with escalation/ aggression.

You haven't got a clue have you.

I assume you have a line? At which this schoolgirl should in fact tell a teacher or something?

Where is it?

I'm assuming you know the sorts of things said/ done in these situations. Given your comments. So where is your line?

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 16:52

Talking about the situation in the OP, to bring it back round to the opening post.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 17:05

React not fact in first post!

PickUpAPepper · 07/09/2021 19:13

This website really is under attack by men at the moment isn’t it?

I've never seen a feminist demand woman should get an equal share of the dangerous and dirty jobs like they do with demanding they be made managers and board members.

What absolute bull.

To answer the op, I don’t think the word “think” is appropriate really is it? They are raised in a disgusting culture where almost the only female celebrities are famous for selling sex in one form or another and that tells all of us, male and female, that the only way to get ahead is by shitting all over everyone else. Men acquire kudos by shitting and wanking all over women particularly, and work together collectively to maintain that superior position. Patriarchy, in other words.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 19:24

Oh lol I missed that.

I think usually bin collection and mining is referenced. And the draft irrespective of where in the world you are.

The fact that
Round here there are women on the bin lorry rounds
In the UK women (and children) worked in dangerous jobs in mining
And that we don't have the draft

And that when it comes to dirty jobs, women do the vast majority of the arse wiping for whoever needs it, usually for no pay. Or if pay, minimal.

Is apparently um. Impossible somehow.

I'm really interested in where the previous posters line in when it comes to what boys say/ do to girls in school. At which point is it seen as reasonable to tell a teacher etc rather than understanding that she has to 'deal with it' herself.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 19:27

Pepper I think your post is harsh and inaccurate though.

Loads of women are famous for things other than taking clothes off etc.

And men/ boys were like this when I was growing up decades ago.

Are they worse/ better now? Both ways strangely. Some behaviours are rarer now. There are new ones that are awful.

But it's not new by any means.

NewlyGranny · 07/09/2021 19:57

I'm going back to that smart girl who ignored the highly imaginative threadbare "back to the kitchen" comment. I'm imagining her getting top test marks or an A for her essay and commenting aloud, "Well, would you look at that? And yet still not heading for the kitchen!"

ColorMagicBarbie · 07/09/2021 22:26

If a bloke told me to make him a sandwich I'd probs say something like "sorry love, but you really need to go on a diet."

Not saying that there aren't instances where repeat offenders shouldn't be reported but so many women seem incapable of holding their own. It's no wonder men get on better in business!

NewlyGranny · 07/09/2021 22:39

Any "Make me a sandwich," comments need to be coolly ignored or countered with a puzzled, "I think you may be mistaking me for your mummy."

CBUK2K2 · 07/09/2021 23:31

@NewlyGranny 100% this, teach young women to have the sass to fight their corner not teach them to be victims.

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 23:32

ColorMagicBarbie your response sounds like something out of a carry on film 🤣🤣🤣

NiceGerbil · 07/09/2021 23:34


I'm glad to see you back!

Really interested in where your line is between fight your own battle/ tell someone in the school situation op was about.

CBUK2K2 · 07/09/2021 23:53

@NiceGerbil There isn’t a rule book that says this is the line as it’s down to the individual. I would however feel I’d failed as a parent if my child crumpled and demanded their boss intervened if some idiot mad a dad joke about women bring in the kitchen.

Maybe it’s because I’ve worked in lots of places where people want to murder me because of my race, the police are as likely to rob you as help you and extortion is the norm that I find it disheartening that some adults are actually getting upset about school playground level stuff.

If we indoctrinate people to see everything as sexism/racism/?-ism that is what they will find in life.

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